The Men Who Stare at Goats Page #5

We're gonna have McDonald's,

we're gonna have Starbucks...

No corporate tax.

It's gonna be a gold rush.

Oh, and by the way, f*** the French!

Did you hear that sh*t?

Chirac wants to bring

French contractors in?

Hey, Phil, what's the most common

French expression?

"I give up. "

That's f***ing funny.

Year zero, guys. Year zero.

Okay, we're in Indian country now.

Check your six.

We've got a line of cars

at the gas station here.

You guys wanna wait?

Negative.

We're too exposed.

We're taking the station.

Go in fangs out!

Secure the perimeter!

- Give her the go-juice, Eddy!

- I filled her up last time.

- That's bullshit.

- He did fill her up last time, Gary.

With all due respect, sir,

bull-f***ing-sh*t. I tanked her last time.

- Bullshit!

- Every time!

Can we figure out

some kind of f***ing system!?

Contact! Contact!

We've got contact!

Where is the shooter?

And what became known

as the Battle of Ramadi,

twelve people were injured.

Mostly locals.

Both security companies claimed...

...they had been fired upon

first by Iraqis.

Of course, it was later

revealed that...

...they had actually

fired upon each other.

One down!

My house is not far.

We could walk from here.

- Sounds good, Muhammad.

- Mahmud.

As we ran for cover,

I thought this was what I wanted.

I was on a mission,

...even if I didn't know

what kind of mission it was.

But I could hear

the little man inside me again.

He was screaming

like a little girl.

Krom One! Krom One!

This is Freedom Frontier.

We are under attack.

This is f***ing fubar!

Muhammad led us

to his home...

...which as it turned out

had been robbed in his absence.

And also, accidentally

shot up in a fire fight.

Neighbors told him that

his wife had left,

...they weren't sure

where she had gone.

I'm very sorry

for running you over, sir.

It was an accident.

And I apologize for that

security detachment.

I don't want you to think that

all Americans are like that.

I apologize for the kidnappers.

Not your fault, sir.

I mean, we've

kidnappers in America and...

There's always... bad apples.

Lyn? Are you awake?

I was just...

thinking about Mahmud.

They're just trying to do

something with their lives.

Something... lasting, good.

But there's always somebody

who wants to smash it up.

What Lyn was really thinking

about was Larry Hooper.

And the part he had played in the

destruction of the New Earth Army.

But, in fairness,

the Jedi's own eccentricities...

...hadn't exactly won

them many allies.

For example,

there was Tim Kootz,

who, on being asked to ascertain

the whereabouts of...

...General Manuel

Noriega, had replied,

- Ask Angela Lansbury.

- Say again, Tim?

Ask Angela Lansbury.

Excellent. Excellent.

We asked Angela Lansbury.

And?

She said she didn't know

where General Noriega was.

Or there was the time Major

General Gilling was visiting the base.

And saw Jedi trainee

Clifford Hickox...

...practicing the ancient Sun

Dance of the Sioux Nation.

The Jedi's survived

such minor scandals,

...protected, it was rumored,

by President Reagan.

Who was a fan of both

the Star Wars films...

...and the paranormal himself.

But then, one summer,

a young, likable Lieutenant...

...named Norman Pendleton was

recruited to the New Earth Army.

Desperate to compete with Lyn,

Larry had been doing research into

the infamous CIA MK-ULTRA experiments

...which he believed could enhance

his own psychic powers.

All he needed was a lab rat

to try them out on.

To check if they were safe.

It turned out they weren't.

Run! Run!

Bullshit!

Norm?

Norm.

Give me the gun.

Norms father,

who had turned out...

...was pretty high up in the

Pentagon, wanted blood.

Although the Jedi's were pretty

sure Larry was responsible,

...nothing could be proved.

And when he was called to

testify at the disciplinary hearing,

...Larry made sure to smear Bill

with everything he could.

Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds

from the project's black budget...

- to procure prostitutes...

- That's a lie!

...and to get drugs for himself

and his men.

That...

Well, the hooker thing is

definitely a lie.

Brigadier General Hopgood resigned

and died some years later.

Bill received a dishonorable discharge.

Continue the work, Lyn.

The World needs the Jedi's, now,

more than ever.

After Bill left,

Major Holtz of Special Forces

took command of the Jedi's.

He didn't think much of Bill's

unconventional training techniques...

...and he's about to

make some changes.

Nothing was ever the same again.

I really appreciate this, sir.

Jesus!

We could have bought a map.

Bedouins have been navigating

this desert for centuries...

...without a map.

You can use a wristwatch in

conjunction with the sun.

Well?

- Well, what?

- Well, use your wristwatch.

I haven't got a wristwatch.

Oh, for the love of...

Here.

What?

- It's digital.

- So?

You need a watch with hands.

How am I supposed to know?

You're the navigation expert.

You're the one who said

you could...

...find a way.

- I'll, if you'd just be quiet...

- Turns out you haven't even got a watch!

- I don't need a watch.

- How the hell we'll get of here?

I'm using Level Two.

- What is that?

- Level Two. Intuition.

We were trained to make

correct decisions.

Somebody runs up to you...

...and they say

"There's a fork in the road. "

Do we go left or do we go right?

And you go...

"We go right!"

- What? Just instant?

- Instant. Just like that.

We've been sitting here for half an hour.

How's that "instant?"

- Oh, it's this way?

- Yeah.

Oh, now you know.

Hang on.

What happened?

- IED.

- What?

- Improvised Explosive Device.

- Oh, Jesus! Jesus!

You're okay.

You're gonna be okay.

I can't believe it.

Great f***ing intuition, Lyn.

I can't... put me down.

I can walk.

Oh, Jesus!

I think I may be

bleeding to death.

You're not bleeding to death.

You're in shock.

It's a shock.

It's hot.

I'm so hot.

- Aren't you hot?

- Bob?

It's really important

you keep your mouth closed.

You can lose a lot of water

through an open mouth.

If we'd only stayed with the car

then...

...we would be alright now.

- Now we've no water, no...

- You're gonna be okay.

Would you stop saying that?

I've been...

I've been got blown up!

I'm in the middle of a desert!

- I'm not gonna be okay.

- Bob, you're in shock.

If you panic,

your heart's gonna stop.

Is that supposed to calm me down?

Wait a minute.

This is west.

Al Qaim is the other way.

We're going the wrong way.

Al Qaim isn't the mission.

We're going near Al Qaim.

Where?

- I don't know.

- What?

Is that a joke?

This is a joke, right?

We've come 600 miles and

you don't know where we're going?

If the exact whereabouts of the

target was known...

...it wouldn't take a Jedi

to find them, would it?

Who gave you the mission, Lyn?

- Bill did it.

- What?

Bill... He appeared in my

trailer two months ago.

A psychic projection.

- He called out my name.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes