The Mexican Page #4

like I was repulsive

and it was ludicrous to think I was

actually at risk of being raped.

First of all, it's a crime of anger,

not attraction.

Second of all, you're not repulsive.

You're very beautiful.

Thank you.

- You want me to rape you?

- Are you gay?

- You want me to rape you?

- You're gay.

You're gay. I knew it!

Oh, I so knew it.

I just knew it. What a relief.

Do you want a medal? A little trinket

saying you identified a homosexual?

No.

Are you full throttle?

Full throttle?

Yeah, I guess I am.

Oh. I'm not... I mean...

I'm not trying to be a smart-ass

or anything like that.

I just... I think this is great.

Wow. This is...

This is...major, OK?

I...know the kind of people

in your business, OK?

- Yeah?

- And to me, it seems that...

Well, being gay isn't really...

conducive to the environment.

Like I should be an interior

decorator. That's insulting.

- I am very good at what I do.

- Do you have a boyfriend?

No, I don't.

Unfortunately,

I seem to be unable to keep...

relationships together.

Seems like everybody's having trouble

keeping relationships together.

It's ringing, seor.

- Thank you for that.

- No, no, no. No necesario.

Really?

That's so kind.

You have no idea what...

'Hi, this is Ted. Leave a message.

'If this is my guy in need,

I'm on my way.

'Go to the Hotel de la Plaza.

Wait for me there, OK? Sit tight.'

OK, OK. Forget aeropuerto.

Uh, Hotel de la Plaza.

- (Muttering in Spanish)

- Hola.

- Is this your dog?

- Sort of.

Came along for the ride.

He has a personality

and that does count.

- He's a good guy.

- Is this your car?

It's a rental. I'm an American.

- No sh*t? Really?

- Yeah.

I'm Mexican.

Cool.

Do you have a passport?

- Jerry Wellbatch, Los Angeles, USA.

- Welbach... Wellbatch.

Can I ask you a question, Jerry?

How long have you been in Mexico?

- A few days. Pleasure.

- I see.

- Pleasure, huh?

- Yeah.

I see. Can you tell me,

uh, what happened here?

That's not accurate, I'm afraid.

The gunsmith did craft this pistol

for a prospective husband,

and he was a nobleman's son, true.

But the motif was darker, my friend.

It's cursed, this gun.

(Policeman) 'The key to this tale

involves the gunsmith's assistant,

'a poor, but honorable

young man in blinding love

'with the gunsmith's daughter.

'For months at a time,

the assistant took to the mines

'gathering the precious metal

'that would yield the most

beautiful gun that ever existed,

'only to discover that what he hoped

could be a wedding gift for him...

'was for another.

'The gunsmith insisted his daughter

marry the nobleman's son,

'forbidding their love.

'Angered in his bitter pain,

the assistant cursed the gun,

'vowing the creation

would never prevail.

'But the gunsmith

was racing against time.

'He had promised a pistol

of unparalleled craftsmanship,

'the nobleman's dowry

hanging in the balance.

'He worked day and night

to correct the pistol's problems.'

(Bullet ricocheting)

(Church bell chiming)

This gun never worked properly.

Some say its very creation

ended the gunsmith's life.

Well, my friend, you're free to go,

but without the gun.

This gun doesn't belong

to you or to your boss.

Now it belongs to me.

(Man) Yeah, Vegas.

It can be tough that way.

(Sam) Expensive?

(Man) Yeah, emotionally.

I had a serious relationship problem.

Well, you fit right in here.

- What do you do now, Frank?

- Now...I am a postman.

Get out of here.

- That's so rigid.

- Swear to God.

There's a seedy underbelly

to the postal service.

- Is that the key to it?

- That's the key.

You have no idea how many small,

unmarked brown paper packages

I deliver.

- What, porno?

- Yeah, daily.

Like what?

Videos, blow-up dolls,

d*ldos, pocket pussies.

- Don't leave nothing out.

- Oh, yeah?

But even with all that

dirty excitement at my fingertips,

I still have to take off

once a year.

I just get up and I know I'm going

to Vegas, I just don't know how.

All I've got is my wallet

and an attitude.

I don't know, it keeps me sane.

After all, guns don't kill people...

postal workers do.

OK, you're all set, Mr. Shurker.

If you go to the front,

a shuttle will pick you up.

What kind of car is it exactly?

It's a Chrysler, sir, brand-new.

You wouldn't happen to have

something a little more...

Raoul!

Yeah, man!

Yeah. Never fear, Teddy's here.

How are you?

- 'Rosco!'

- (Speaks Spanish)

Come on, Jerry.

The Mexican thief, the dirty cop?

The word is out.

It's a big-ticket item.

A lot of f***ing people

are interested in that gun.

No f***ing...

Is that what they think?

That I'm selling them out?

Maybe they think you're scared

and might do the wrong thing.

- Ted.

- You know, I don't know.

- I'm just doing my portion here.

- Yeah, and what is that?

To find out what's going on, assess

the damage, try to calm you down,

help find the pistol, get us home.

I get on that plane, pistol or not.

it'll be the last flight I ever take.

- Oh, come on, Jerry.

- "Come on"? You know it.

- I know what I have to know.

- Doing your part.

I know what I have to know.

You sound like Schultz

from Hogan's Heroes.

(German accent) I know nothing!

I don't like Nayman

running things either.

I got a few years on you and I'm

telling you, keep your nose clean,

look straight ahead

and do what you're told.

That's why I nearly paid off

Boca Raton. I do my f***in' portions.

I don't care how you look at it,

the first step out of this

is to get the pistol back.

I never took a pay-off in my life.

Jerry, look,

I know where your loyalties lie.

But the kid's dead.

The pistol's gone.

I mean, you can see

how it looks, right?

Come on.

You're my guy.

(Phone)

(Ringing continues)

# We can dance if we want to

we've got all your life and mine

# As long as we abuse it,

never gonna lose it

# Everything will work out right

# I say, we can dance if we want to

# We can leave your friends behind

# Cos your friends don't dance

and if they don't dance, well they're

# No friends of mine

# I say, we can dance, we can dance,

everything's out of control

# We can dance, we can dance

# They're doing it from pole to pole

# We can dance, we can dance,

everybody look at your hands... #

- (Music stops)

- Not the safest dance!

I'm not going anywhere.

(Sam) We are in the city

where I'm going to be living.

(Go.)

Go.

What's wrong? Huh?

You know when you're in

a bad relationship and you separate?

All of a sudden, everywhere you look

there's love and possibility.

I'm worried about Jerry.

All right, don't worry.

I'll call Nayman

and check in on everything.

You want me to stay?

I want you to go.

You sure?

I really want you to go.

(Clicking)

(Snoring)

(Ted) I couldn't sleep all night.

Yeah. No, he said he followed

the cop to the pawn shop.

He's taking me over there

after breakfast.

We're booked on the seven o'clock

if all goes well.

No, now wait... No...

No, you wait a minute, Nayman.

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