The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) Page #5

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- [Horn honks]

Go f*** yourself!

Go f*** your...

Is that okay?!

- It's okay. Right?

- Is that okay that that just happened?

- I don't know.

- I'm scared, Matt.

- These guys are six months behind.

- That's why I'm here.

I put together a document that anticipates

where you'll be at the end of the year,

vis--vis the overages.

Oh, for Christ. Really?

Have we already spent this much?

That's the first page.

Suck a dick! Oh, god, really?

The change orders are adding up.

We didn't budget for the salt water pool.

How's your kid?

Good!

I'm in a fight with my wife right now.

But, Randy, I don't want

to sound alarmist,

but you're not gonna be able

to sustain your lifestyle

if things continue like this.

And you're not going on tour anytime soon.

- That's nice.

- Right?

It's my own Espresso bean. See?

I'm doing everything I can to make a buck.

The coffee will pay for the pool.

That might be too much pressure

to put on coffee.

Here's what we're gonna do,

get you the pool...

- Yes!

- But not this year.

We're gonna rent out the bottom floor,

which is zoned commercial anyway,

- and get a tenant for the second floor.

- But can't I afford...

Income from rentals

will cover property taxes,

you live on the top two floors.

- Everything else you can have.

- [Cell phone ringing]

Let me just...

- Hello?

- [harold] They won't seat me without you.

- Where are you?

- I'm standing outside the place.

- You're 45 minutes early.

- There are many available tables.

- The guy was a jerk.

- We have a reservation.

- Did you say my name?

- I said my name.

- Let me finish up, we'll figure it out.

- How long are you gonna be?

I'll be there at 1

when we said we'd meet.

Hurry up.

Parking was easier than I anticipated.

Okay, I'll see you soon.

We won't do the pool now.

- I think that's the right decision.

- Everything okay?

Totally. Lunch with my father.

Say no more.

No, now it's easy.

When I was younger,

I was so invested in his grievances,

his anger at the world,

they were mine, too,

but now that I live 3,000 miles away

and have my own kid, a thriving business,

I don't even get angry at him anymore.

It's even just funny, you know...

[Coughing]

Sorry, I don't know why I'm suddenly...

I think it's all this plaster dust

and coffee.

- Do you need something?

- Like what?

Let's see. One brings you up

and the other brings you down,

but I'm not totally certain

which is which.

Do you have a guess?

- I haven't worn these pants in a while.

- I don't...

Take both.

Thanks, Matt.

I don't have anyone in my life like you.

- There's my son.

- Hey.

These are yours.

They were in the upstairs room.

Maureen is throwing things out.

I wanted you to have them.

Thanks.

- The vuarnets are Danny's.

- He said they were yours.

- No, you can throw them out.

- They're quite fancy.

Maybe Maureen will use them.

- What happened to your face?

- We got a dog. Did I tell you?

- Maybe.

- Bruno, my charge, we call him Bruno.

Named for the idiot

in Werner herzog's stroszek.

- Never seen it.

- Really?

I own the cassette at home,

if you want to come over.

So what happened?

Oh, he lunged for a deranged hare,

taking me in the process.

- You should see the other dog.

- You all right?

I'm fine. He didn't mean it.

It wasn't his fault.

- Shall we go in?

- I'm not eating here.

- Because they wouldn't seat you?

- The guy was very obnoxious.

- Let me talk to him.

- No, let's go somewhere else.

- I only have an hour and a half.

- It's my protest, like mcenroe.

Okay, let me think.

Not too far because at 3,

I have to put money in the meter.

- This man is treading right on my heels.

- No, dad, he's with me.

This is Gabe.

He works at my firm in New York.

Nice to meet you, Mr. meyerowitz.

I thought Gabe could join us

for part of lunch.

- His specialty is in estate planning.

- I have an accountant.

I had a chance to review

some documents...

Barry sukenick doesn't work

on this scale, dad,

and I think, as we move

toward selling the house,

it might be a good time

to get some affairs in order.

If we sell the house,

it will be my decision.

- Pardon me.

- Brian and James, who you've met...

Very charming interracial homosexual

couple, and smart about the work.

They were familiar with "gilded halfwing."

Yes, James says they like the work

very much, and they love the house,

and they made us an offer.

For the work, too?

For the work, the house,

some of the furniture.

- Your brother doesn't want to sell.

- Brother?

Half-brother, we have a different mother.

That's a real shame for him, then.

Danny stands the most to benefit.

He doesn't work.

- He and Karen have separated.

- Really?

I took him in,

but now he's with Jean in Rochester.

- Sh*t.

- Apparently, his mother moved to Florida,

which I didn't know. Did you know that?

- No.

- She's still angry with me, apparently.

You know your brother and sister helped

organize a show for me up at bard.

- A retrospective?

- A retrospective of the faculty, yes.

Like a... group show.

- I'll just sit here.

- Well, there's other artists, yes,

but... I was promised

a very prominent place in the gallery.

Sounds good, congratulations.

You purchased the property in 1973

for $60,000,

but since you've borrowed

against the house a couple times,

the net proceeds have diminished.

Danny thinks that after the show,

my work could appreciate considerably

in value and that we should wait.

You just told me

Danny doesn't want to sell at all.

Dad, whatever happens at bard,

you can't afford the real estate taxes.

You're paying two grand a month

in utilities.

Things you wouldn't think: Housekeepers...

Mercedes has been with us for years,

and though I deplore her politics,

I'm not letting her go.

- I'm giving examples.

- Am I paying for him?

No, he's doing this as a favor.

Dad, Gabe's specialty is not my specialty.

- I'm in personal wealth.

- Something I wouldn't know about.

- Gabe would only get paid when we sell.

- I'm not giving Gabe anything.

Absolutely not. And I'm not having

this conversation with him.

- This is a private family matter.

- Okay, I understand.

Normally, conspiracy is mounted

by people close to you.

I don't even know this a**hole.

- Can we get a check?

- We didn't order anything.

- I wanted to punch Gabe right in the nose.

- The owner is a client.

That's why we could get the table

so last minute.

That's why they gave us this bigger table.

I imagine they'll send

some complementary stuff, too.

Is that baby aspirin?

- Adult aspirin bothers my stomach.

- Are you okay?

- I've had some headaches, it's fine.

- Have you gone to a doctor?

That's not necessary.

You're so important, you need two phones.

So, l.J. Has a show at moma,

thought I'd check it out.

I was at the opening.

I met sigourney Weaver.

- How is l.J.?

- We chatted.

She said to me, "my name is sigourney."

I said, "my name is Harold."

Uh-huh.

L.j. says he's gonna try to come

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