The Midnight Man Page #2

- I'm guesses that sounded

better in your head.

- Yes, it did.

I can handle anything.

- Then handle this.

(cellphone chiming)

(airplane engine roaring)

- Long night?

- Hot date.

- Protection?

- I'm covered.

- I hear this one doesn't

dull the sensation.

- You don't say?

- Okay, that was nice.

(door chiming)

- Dang it.

- Tuck that in better.

(door chiming)

(water running)

- Well, woo!

- Did you fall in?

- I was just giving the

plumbing a stress test.

Come on partner, relax, we've go

time, come on.

You seem tense.

- Do I?

- Are you tense?

- Am I?

- What do you got, first

night in the field jitters?

- I prefer the office.

- There's an easy trick

to handle the nerves.

I think it's called

associative or some sh*t.

See, like, with me, I'm a

foodie.

So, like, whenever things get

tough,

I like to think about getting

this nice, flank steak

and mashed potatoes they serve

at this joint near my place.

- That's so not what a foodie

is.

- Then what's a foodie?

- Not someone who goes to

the same joint over and over.

You're more of a chow hound.

- Look, all I'm saying

is that food is my thing.

And it helps calm my nerves.

So just think about something

that's important to you.

Think about Hayley.

Or kittens, cats, you like cats?

- I do like cats.

(video game playing)

(knocking)

- Not now, come back later!

(knocking)

Oh, my God, is that you Mr.

Kapadia?

Is the TV too loud again?

How about I fix it for you?

(volume of games increases)

(crashing)

Oh, my God, Grady, you just

scared me half to death.

Close my f***ing door, dude.

My neighbor's dog's gonna come

in here

and sh*t all over the floor

again.

I swear to God, next time

that f***er comes in here,

I'm going to set it on fire.

What the hell are you going

here, man?

I didn't hear anything from Z.

What do you need a hack or

something?

Oh, f*** yeah.

- You win?

- No, idiot.

I just spiked this motherf***er

that

was taking sh*t to me

online the other day.

(laughing) He's gonna be, like,

where'd all the money in

my checking account go?

Oh, sh*t, what are you doing

here, man?

Do you need a beverage or

something?

- No.

You alone?

- You know me, doing

my thing, livin' large.

(gunshots)

- [robotic voice] You're dead,

a**hole.

(laughter)

(dog barking)

(cellphone chiming)

- (muffled) F*** you.

- [Robotic Female Voice] - The

locks have been administered.

- Wow, he is really hot.

- Okay, okay, you don't need

that.

Who are you people?

(inaudible)

Just let her go, we're

paramedics, see?

Look, see, look.

- See, see.

- Can you hear me?

What year is it?

- I know what f***ing year it

is!

What did you do to me?

- Just put the gun down and

we'll talk.

- I asked you a question!

(punching)

(heavy breathing)

This is impossible.

You called the cops?

- No, no, we didn't.

No, we didn't.

You don't have to take me with

you.

You can't just leave!

(sirens approaching)

- In the car.

(sirens approaching)

(tires squealing)

Hand over the belt.

Alexandra?

- Yeah, how you doing?

- I'm having a lovely evening.

Thank you very much.

How about you?

- I'm good.

I'm a bit nervous, this

is my first night --

- Not a real question.

Let me explain to you how this

works.

You put your hands on the

dashboard.

You take your hands off the

dashboard,

and I will shoot you in the

face.

Do you understand?

(liquid dripping)

Please join me outside the

vehicle.

Now.

Look, I don't expect you to

understand,

but I think I might be

having a bit of freak out,

and I need to ask your medical

opinion on a few matters.

- Okay, but in exchange, may I

please

not be shot in the face?

- I will take that into

consideration, yes.

Now what the f*** is happening

to me!

Sorry, I didn't mean to scare

you.

Let me rephrase that.

What the f*** is happening to

me!

- Sir, heroin can be a

very disorienting drug.

- Lady, listen, I didn't do any

heroin.

Miss, why are you in apartment

anyway?

- Well, my partner and I, we

responded

to an anonymous call

about a drug overdose.

Upon arrival, we found

the man on the couch dead

and you OD'd.

- Hey, I said I didn't do any

heroin.

A ass load of caffeine pills.

- Well, unless you tripped and

fell

into someone else's heroin

stash and then passed out.

I'm sorry, just tell me what

hurts, and I will help you.

- I have a extremely

rare genetic condition

where my body doesn't process

sensations.

I can't feel anything.

- Well, you're talking about

congenital

insensitivity to pain, CIPA

right?

- No, no, listen to me.

I'm talking about - yes, yes,

CIPA.

- I saw it on House once.

- Oh, great, yeah, it's a great

show.

I'm sure it was a wonderful

episode.

Listen to me, I need to

know what you've done to me.

I need to know why I can

suddenly now feel everything.

- Wait? What?

You can feel everything right

now?

I have no idea.

Oh, my God, the Naloxone.

- The what?

- It's this drug that we

use in emergency medicine.

It's an opiate inhibitor and it

jump

starts your nervous system.

I think it may have reset yours.

- How the f*** to you

reset a genetic disorder?

- Naloxone must have a side

effect

for people with your condition.

This is not my fault.

You should be wearing a medical

bracelet.

- Okay, so now you're worried

about being sued for

malpractice.

You f***ing Americans.

- Not if you'll willing to sign

a waiver.

- Listen, that drug the --

- Naloxone.

- Yes, yes, yes, that

one, is it permanent?

- No.

- How long does it last?

- I don't know.

- Tell me!

- Until it wears off.

- Ballpark!

- A few hours, maybe.

- Was there anyone else in the

apartment when you got there?

- No.

- Well, someone set me up.

Somebody knocked me out,

staged the overdose, and then

called you

because they knew that you'd

pump me

full of your drug.

- Well, that sounds really

paranoid.

You must know some really shitty

people.

- You have no idea.

The dead man in the

apartment, when you found me,

do you know what killed him?

Who's this?

- It's my sister's kid.

- Don't lie to me.

- What's her name?

- F*** you.

- Oh, is that a family name?

Look Alexandra, I'm

going to make you a deal.

I have some errands I need to

run,

and I am running out of time.

Now, the very nature of these

errands,

there's a certain risk

to my physical health.

I could use a doctor.

You're a doctor.

- EMT.

- Same thing.

- Huge difference.

- You come with me,

keep me in good health,

and at the end of the night,

I'll forget about you and her if

you forget about me.

What's it gonna be, Alexandra?

- People call me Zan.

- Zan?

- Zan.

- That's much better.

Alexandra was a bit of a

mouthful.

(keypad beeping)

(water splashing)

(cackling)

- Whoa, please don't do that,

okay?

- Yeah, I'll keep my fear for

my life under control for you.

- Thank you.

- No problem.

- Take your shirt off.

- Excuse me?

- You're going in.

- Going in where?

- You're going into the house.

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