The Midnight Man Page #3

You're going to scope it out for

me.

- Why?

- There is a man inside

who's going to die.

So, I either go in and start

shooting,

or you go in first and help

me help the death toll to one.

- Way to tie my hands.

- Mm-hm.

- What am I looking for?

I need to know the number

of security guards,

the number of witnesses,

and I need to know

the location of my

target inside the house.

- Care to describe your target?

- Trust me, you'll know

him when you see him.

Now, my Bluetooth synced with

your phone.

Okay, so you can talk me

through everything that you see.

- Bluetooth will go out of range

if I don't have my phone on me.

There's plenty of range.

Your phone stays in the car.

Nice try though.

You have six missed calls from

His Satanic Majesty.

- Oh, God, that's my boss.

Yeah, he sucks.

He was the one who put

me in the field tonight.

God, I hate him so much right

now.

- Because everything that's

happening this evening

is his fault.

Put your hair down.

- Oh, come on.

I put it up wet, and

it's going to look stupid.

- I need you to hide this.

- I hope you're happy.

- Now you're going to have to

charm

your way past the guard at the

front door.

- I don't know how to do that.

- Sure you do.

Come on.

Look, it's either your tits or

mine.

- Why don't you show him yours?

Maybe he's into that.

- Think slutty thoughts.

- Yeah, this is not happening.

- Yes it is, now go back there

and tell him you're

with Amber or Tiffany or

one of the Kardashians.

They sent you here, and

remember,

you're a dirty, little

tart here to get f***ed up.

- Yeah, I want it on the

record I take offense to that.

- Consider it on the record.

- Private party.

- Oh, well, my friend

Amber told me about this

awesome, bad-ass party and said

I had to come check it out,

because, you know, hashtag YOLO.

- What does that mean?

- She totally put my name on the

list.

- Not my list.

- Oh, she said she did.

- I'm sure she did.

- His name's Nomack.

Tell him Nomack wanted you to be

there.

- Nomack wanted me to be here.

- Come on, sell it!

Just make something up.

Tell, him you do the balloon

trick.

- I do the balloon trick.

- What's a balloon trick?

- You know how some people

make balloon animals?

I can do that.

With a condom.

While it's still on.

- Interesting.

- Come on.

- Oh, my God.

I can't believe that worked.

I had no idea what I was doing.

- Zan, focus, tell me what you

see.

- House is empty.

I'm pretty sure if you blow

up a condom, it turns round.

You can't really make a

balloon animal out of that.

Well, maybe a blowfish,

but that's about it.

What else is around?

- Zan, this is your kidnapper

speaking.

Please get a hold of yourself.

- Okay, sorry.

- Hello?

- Come on, honey, on your

stomach.

There you go.

- Zan.

Since you've now been

silent for about 30 seconds,

I'm going to go ahead and assume

you're looking for a cellphone.

Don't bother.

Nomack confiscates them.

Something about not wanting to

end up

in an internet video

committing multiple felonies.

- How thorough.

- Keep moving.

- Yep.

- How many people do you see?

- About a dozen, just one guy.

The rest are girls.

You're not going to kill him

in front of them, are you?

- Only if I have to.

Now what's he doing?

Zan, focus.

What's he doing?

- Cocaine off someone's ass.

- Is he armed?

Do you see a gun?

- No, I don't see one.

- All right, I need you to

go out there and blend in.

Make sure there are no other

guards

or anything else that

can cause me a problem.

- I can't go out there!

- Why?

- Because everyone's wearing a

bikini.

I will stand out.

- So take your clothes off!

What's the matter?

You're not wearing any panties?

- Okay, first of all,

please don't every say

panties ever again, and

secondly,

Of course I am, but they're

cotton.

- Well, avoid the pool!

- I haven't shaved my legs in

two days.

- He won't even notice you.

- Well, what is that supposed to

mean?

- It means he's drunk

and stoned and doing coke

off someone's ass.

Will you just shut up and do it

already?

(laughter and chattering)

- Hey.

- What do you see?

- Just him and the girls.

Oh, my God.

(laughter and chattering)

Where are you?

- I'm here.

- Well, good job blending in.

(chattering)

- Holy f***ing hell.

Grady, you're, like, the

last person I expected.

- Nomack.

Can I have a moment?

- Come here, I want to

introduce you to the girls.

This is Vanessa, Jennifer, Abby.

I don't even remember your

f***ing name.

This is Grady, a good friend of

mine.

- It's important.

- Sit.

Sit.

(startled scream)

- Hey, Midalo!

- F*** that's cold!

- They are like the dolls,

but they do not float,

and they are slightly more

expensive.

(chuckling)

So we are not working now,

so what is the point of this,

hm?

(laughing)

You have to learn how

to laugh a little, huh?

You have to live a little.

How to drink and smoke and f***.

(squealing)

(giggling)

- Clearly.

- Maybe I could help relax him?

- Oh, you would be wasting your

time.

There is not much you can do for

him.

- Oh, we'll see about that.

- She is studying to

be a lawyer, that one.

(background chatter)

- Tranquilo.

- The mean man didn't want me.

- Don't worry, V baby.

This is the one time I can

promise you it is not your

fault.

You see, this man, he has a

gift, huh?

- Do tell.

(chuckling)

- You filthy whore.

I don't even know what to say to

you.

You, I will deal with you later.

Filthy. Tell her about your

gift, Grady.

No, I know that you're enjoying

all sorts

of stimuli and your

usual cocktail tonight.

- See, Grady, here, he

cannot feel any pain.

It is a true story.

I could cut your f***ing

ear off right now,

and you would not even blink.

- Really?

- Hand to Christ I swear it is

true.

It is the freakiest

thing I have ever seen.

- Why don't we go inside, huh?

(background chatter)

- Don't be nervous.

He is not nervous, I am not

nervous, hm?

I believe these girls

deserve a demonstration.

- I'm sorry, Nomack, I didn't

realize

we had that kind of relationship

where I just allow you to shoot

me.

- No-no-no, you do it for them.

I mean, these girls, they work

hard.

They deserve some entertainment.

I mean, look at them.

Look at them.

Hello, T-shirt, come here.

- Nomack, let's go inside, aye?

- Menco, pappa, are those

panties you're wearing, huh?

- (Spanish spoken)

- (Spanish spoken).

- Si.

- Do I know you?

- No.

- No.

But you see, you have one of

those faces.

What is your name?

- Amber.

- Amber, I love that name.

I once knew a cocktail

waitress named Amber.

I wanted to f*** her so bad,

but I never did.

- Oh.

(gunshot)

- Amber, this is 0.38 revolver.

When shot, it can reach

temperatures

capable of scorching human

flesh.

Would you like to see

something really cool?

- I think we've had enough fun

tonight.

Come on, Amber let's go.

- You are not being cool, Grady.

Be cool.

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