The Million Dollar Hotel Page #3

My paintings! I painted them! Come here.

Why are you mad? Because Izzy's just...

Izzy's just dead,

but you are on television.

Television?

Don't you even worry that it was me who killed

that little prick and that I'm gonna do you next?

Not really.

I worry that Very Special Agent Detective

Skinner will go ahead and take Eloise 'cause...

...Eloise was with Izzy

just before he died, but...

Yeoww!

Do you want me to get you a sandwich?

Suffering hair loss.

He won't say sh*t, eats dog food.

Unbelievable.

This place is a nuthouse.

[ Spanish punk song plays ]

Skinner. Oh, yeah. Hi, baby.

[ Spanish punk song continues ]

Me? I'm doing fine, just fine.

I can't talk right now, Maya.

Yeah, well, you go right on ahead.

Maya, Maya, Maya, I'll call you later.

Bye, baby.

- All right?

- Yeah.

OK. A few petty crimes here,

but mostly they're mental hospital files.

People that fell through the cracks

of the welfare system, got dropped.

Your psych-out routines won't work.

They're more afraid

of their toilets right now than of you.

Good thinking, Best. Real good thinking.

Skinner!

This is not proper procedure, this... It's not.

[ Bells ring ]

Good evening.

For those of you who haven't met me,

my name is Special Agent J.D. Skinner of the FBI.

They say nobody solves

anything down here.

Well, I'm here to change all that.

I know there's a killer. I know it's one of you.

And whoever it is, I promise you

I'm gonna get you.

Catch us if you can!

Power to the people!

Quiet! Order!

As you know,

your bathrooms aren't working.

But before I'm finished,

there'll be no bathrooms, no rooms, no hotel.

There'll be a big hole

for all of you to fall into.

I'll be digging that hole

every minute I'm here.

- The deeper I dig, the deeper you will fall.

- He's a dick!

No amount of insane

or pathetic behaviour will protect you.

No matter how despicable you act, I can do

one better, because I work for the government.

- I thought you were my dentist.

- See, I only want one thing, just one.

And if you can enlighten me...

...everything will be just dandy.

And I will spare what is left

of your miserable lives.

Are you with me so far?

Go back to Washington, Franken-dick!

Good. We're in accord. I'm glad.

Eloise Ashe? Stop there, Miss, please.

I need to talk to you, Miss.

Tom Tom!

I have a couple of questions.

It may sound strange, but...

other than the time my mother

came down to visit me and...

said she thought

I turned out all right...

...lying next to Eloise...

...in the same situation together...

...that was the best moment of my life.

And if you think about it, it was all

thanks to Special Agent Skinner.

Miss Brooks, Miss Brooks.

Hey, now, hold it right there.

But not everyone was as thankful as I was.

Skinner had finally scared everybody.

So the next morning we all

got together to make a plan.

And what a day.

All our lives were about to be connected

by a crumpled little piece ofpaper.

It was an I.O.U. from Izzy to Geronimo.

It said Geronimo could have

everything Izzy owned

to pay him back

for always paying the rent.

It was worthless

before Izzy died and became famous.

Now Geronimo realised...

he could sell his damn tar paintings

for a fortune and split the loot with us...

if only everyone would

just keep believing...

that Izzy really painted them.

And all he needed was a little help

from his friends and from television.

- Television.

- So let's get our story straight.

All right, first off.

Over to you, Stix.

I just lent Izzy my room sometimes.

Nice room, bachelor pad.

Izzy brought a girl sometimes.

- He never brought me to your room.

- No, he brought the ones from the clubs.

Are you saying that I wasn't good enough

for your "bachelor pad", sh*t box?

Hey, no sh*t in my box, babe!

Ain't no sh*t in my veins.

- I'm gonna break your black balls!

- Hey! Chill! Chill!

Oh, God!

- Anybody laughs, I'll crack their heads.

- Nobody laugh.

Don't you... !

Come on, Jessica.

You want some of this?

Come on, b*tch!

- Oh, you wish you could!

- Sit down!

Izzy and me were engaged.

Yeah, we were gonna have a big church wedding!

In Beverly Hills with his whole family

and all his friends.

- And no one from down here.

- Vivien, Izzy was Jewish, dear.

I know that.

You think I don't know that? F*** you!

- Well, f*** you!

- F*** you!

F*** you, f*** you, f*** you!

Oh, well, if it isn't the Virgin Mary.

She did it, she messed him up.

- He was gonna marry me. That slut!

- No, no, no, Vivien!

He didn't rape her.

She wanted it!

Jesus Christ!

You guys are all f***ing nuts.

I may be a drunk,

but my brain is still functioning.

I ain't no freaky-deaky

yankee noodles, like you are.

No, sit down, you are drunk.

All right, all right. We're all f***ing

noodle soups in our heads here.

But we have to figure this one out now.

Now take the ballots, pass them around.

We have to vote. Either we go

for this f***ing plan or not.

We gotta decide.

We're living in this beautiful country

of the United States of America,

so everybody gets to vote.

You have two letters

on all these pieces of paper, right?

There's a "Y" and an "N". The "Y" stands

for why, and the "N" stands for why not.

But talk about exciting.

It was like those old men in the wigs

that Izzy told me about

who got together,

signed a letter and made America.

That was a long shot, too.

And look what happened.

The world was spinning fast that night.

I just hoped I could

hold on and be part of it.

# I've got no home in this world,

# Just gravity.

# Look in time... #

[ Couple arguing ]

# I've got no home in this world

# Just you

# And you are not mine

# Ohh, stateless

# Mmm... faithless

# Stateless...#

I tell you to tread lightly,

and you flood the place.

I warned you about the media.

It's already a carnival.

Now it turns out these bums

even own my son's paintings.

It's gonna turn into a cover story.

I got a long way to fall, Skinner.

If I fall, I'll land on you.

Well, I had the feeling

you weren't going to like me forever, sir.

So the plan was put into action.

We made a decision, and now we were

actually making it happen.

I've never seen that before.

My contribution was

to stay out of the way.

You still not gonna ask any good

old-fashioned detective questions?

Questions tell them what we're thinking.

And free answers are worthless.

But they're f***ing with us.

It's a scam, I can smell it.

Well, if they wanna f***, they gotta pay,

just like everybody else.

OK, how do you plan on doing that?

Are you looking for clues in the socks?

No, Best. I'm laying clues.

Our plan is in action, huh?

This is certainly dishonest, maybe...

You want us to sell the paintings,

don't you?

And make money

for all the poor people? Us?

Is that dishonest?

That's nice. Very, very nice.

Izzy always said,

he said you're a shark.

- You're a shark in Indian's clothing.

- He was an a**hole!

What else did he say?

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