The Mindy Project

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COLD OPEN:

INT. SOME KIND OF CRAMPED OFFICE - MORNING

A 31-year-old woman, MIRA, in smudged makeup and a crumpled

cocktail dress, sits in a chair. She speaks to someone off

camera who we cannot see.

MIRA:

You have an idea of how your life

is going to work out. When I was a

kid, all I did was watch romantic

comedies in our living room while I

did my homework.

INT. LIVING ROOM OF A INDIAN-AMERICAN FAMILY’S HOUSE - 1988

A 7-year-old Mira does flashcards while she watches the Meg

Ryan diner scene in When Harry Met Sally. An old INDIAN

GRANDMOTHER sleeps in a chair nearby.

SEVEN-YEAR-OLD MIRA

I’ll have what she’s having.

INT. SAME LIVING ROOM AS BEFORE - 1995

A 16-year-old Mira studies with piles of textbooks. She’s now

watching Four Weddings and a Funeral.

HUGH GRANT:

Would you be interested in,

perhaps, spending the rest of your

life not married to me?

ANDIE MCDOWELL MIRA

I do. I do.

MIRA (V.O.)

In college I had less time to watch

movies...

EXT. DORM BUILDING - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT - 2002

We pan up the side of a brick dorm at Princeton University,

seeing young couples hooking up in different rooms. We land

on the window of a now 20-year-old Mira, sitting on her dorm

room bed, with piles of biology textbooks in front of her,

studying. She’s also watching You’ve Got Mail.

MEG RYAN MIRA:

I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you.

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Mira’s roommate and best friend GWEN, walks into the room and

tosses her a box of Pop Tarts which Mira catches without

looking.

GWEN:

Have you showered this week?

Mira shakes her head solemnly, transfixed by the movie.

MIRA (V.O.)

And then, eventually, I had no time

at all.

INT. MANHATTAN HOSPITAL - NIGHT - 2010

Mira, now 30, an intern at a hospital, in a doctors coat and

scrubs, stands with a group of other eager student-doctors.

MIRA (V.O.)

But romantic comedies had done

their damage.

One is JEREMY REED, 30, super hot and pretty, and total bad

news in a Bradley Cooper kind of way. Another is CLAYTON

BROOKS, 30, not too shabby-looking himself, but serious and

disdainful. To be honest, he’s kind of a dick. These are our

guys.

There are few others, led by a distinguished doctor, MARC

SHULMAN, who has a yarmulke and a Brooklyn accent. He talks

to a PREGNANT PATIENT and her HUSBAND.

DR. SHULMAN

You’re eight and a half months

pregnant, your husband’s gotta keep

his schvantz away from you.

JEREMY:

Which I can imagine is hard with a

wife as beautiful as yours.

The patient enjoys this. Brooks rolls his eyes. Jeremy smiles

at them, and then glances at Mira and winks at her. Mira

reacts:
holy sh*t, did that happen?

DR. SHULMAN

She’s already pregnant, Dr. Reed.

(to the couple)

I’m putting Dr. Brooks in charge of

you. He’s my best student.

The students grumble while Brooks steps forward with an

imperious smile.

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BROOKS:

(intense)

Clayton Brooks. I am determined to

give you and your unborn baby the

most focused and unwavering care.

Now it’s Jeremy’s turn to roll his eyes.

MIRA (V.O.)

That’s when I saw him.

We move past Brooks to outside of the room, where we see a

MOST APPEALING GUY, a doctor, reading a newspaper. This guy

looks like he walked out of a Nora Ephron movie. Floppy hair,

dimples, the works.

MIRA:

(to herself)

Hello.

INT. HOSPITAL ELEVATOR - MOMENTS LATER

Mira is in the elevator. The doors begin to close when-

MOST APPEALING GUY

Hold the door!

It’s the guy. He walks into the elevator.

MIRA:

It’s you.

MOST APPEALING GUY

What?

MIRA:

Achoo. Just a cute little sneeze.

What floor?

MOST APPEALING GUY

Same as yours.

He smiles warmly at her, then accidentally drops his thermos

and newspaper. Mira gets down to help him and her folders

slip out of her hands. They start picking up all their stuff.

TOM:

Klutzes? Party of two.

Mira’s hair - tied up in a bun - comes undone. She can’t

believe it.

MIRA (V.O.)

An elevator? Our stuff fell out of

our hands? My hair came undone?

(MORE)

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MIRA (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Holy crap, I’m basically Sandra

Bullock. But then it happened. The

omen. Er, omen sounds bad. What’s a

good omen called? Oh, whatever.

The elevator jerks to a stop and the lights flicker.

MOST APPEALING GUY

Did the elevator just stop?

Mira closes her eyes. It all led up to this. It’s happening.

MIRA:

I’m Mira. Obstetrics and

gynecology.

MOST APPEALING GUY

Tom. Orthodonist.

They shake hands, both somehow aware of what all this means.

MIRA (V.O.)

We were stuck in the elevator

twenty minutes and I moved into his

apartment two months later.

VOICE (V.O.)

(thick Caribbean accent)

Ma’am. What does dis have to do

with you stealing ja bike, driving

ja bike while intoxicated, then

trespassing in ja swimming pool?

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - PRESENT DAY

A un-smiling FEMALE POLICE OFFICER sits across from Mira in a

precinct room. We see Mira has been telling her story here.

MIRA:

Tom got married last night. To

someone else. Some Serbian girl who

sells bagels in the lobby of the

hospital.

INT. HOSPITAL LOBBY - MORNING

We see a beautiful SERBIAN GIRL handing Tom a bagel and

coffee in the lobby of the hospital.

SERBIAN GIRL:

One tall latte vith extra cream no

sugar.

She smiles. She has horrible teeth. Tom smiles back,

enchanted. Off her teeth we dissolve to:

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EXT. WEDDING TENT - NIGHT

We now see Serbian girl smiling under a tent at a posh post-

wedding dinner reception. She smiles. Perfect teeth.

MIRA (V.O.)

He dumped me, she moved in, he

fixed her teeth. They got married

last night. I don’t think they

thought I would actually go, so

they invited me. But I did go.

We now see Mira, in her dress, sitting at a table with

various old people and foreigners.

MIRA (V.O.)

I was at the worst table - the

Randoms. You know, where the old

babysitters and childhood pen pals

sit?

Mira and an OLD HIPPIE LADY get wasted and are laughing

loudly.

MIRA (V.O.)

So, me and Tom’s old babysitter

Bernice got wasted together.

BERNICE:

Why would Tom break up with a

thoughtful girl like you?

MIRA:

He wanted kids.

BERNICE:

You don’t want kids?

MIRA:

No, he wanted kids. Six of ‘em. He

thought I was too old for that.

BERNICE:

Six kids? What is he, in a cult?

(confiding)

He wet the bed until he was 10.

MIRA (V.O.)

And then, I felt like making a

speech.

Mira is now at the microphone.

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MIRA:

Some of you may know Tom and I used

to date. So I have some pretty good

stories of everyone’s favorite

glorified dentist.

People laugh with anticipation, including Tom and the bride.

We see Clayton, Dr. Shulman and his wife, and Jeremy are

there.

MIRA (CONT’D)

Like the time he thought he had

Lyme disease but it turned out to

be a patch of dry skin on his

stomach.

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