The Monster Squad Page #12

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73.

He checks his watch in agitation, as Liam emerges from the

darkness, glancing nervously about.

D'JUAN

Alright, man. It's fifteen after

seven. What's so important that

we've got to be out here, freezing

our asses off?

CHUD:

Yeah, you wanted a push on the

swing, or what?

LIAM:

I thought you were just here for

the porn.

D'JUAN

Yeah. I am. But since Deacon isn't

here and I've got time to kill,

knock it out.

Liam takes a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts.

LIAM:

Okay. This is going to sound…

beyond full-loco fucknuts crazy.

But just hear me out until I'm

done, alright? After Len showed up

last night, we got in a fight and I

had to take off to blow off some

steam. I wound up on a bus with

this total dick behind the wheel,

and the guy made me get off at the

Cherrymount Stop. I see this light

on up in the window. So I'm

wondering what the f***, and then

the Flanch twins come out of

nowhere, and…

.

D'JUAN

Hold up, what the hell would Grant

and Jeremy be doing up there?

74.

CHUD:

What does anybody do there? Smoke

out and get sucked off. They were

probably doing both.

LIAM:

I don't know, I didn't ASK them.

But we got into it, and the

a**holes go pushing me over the

fence down this hill, and I wind

up…

CHUD:

Oh, SH*T. You actually went on the

grounds? Did you see the inmate's

cemetery?

LIAM:

Yeah. It was… anyways, the light

was still on and I'm stuck. So I go

up to the building.

OSV:

You guys seriously haven't heard

this one?

The boys abruptly look towards the voice, and find Deacon

standing off to the side with a grin. His face is lit by a

brief sputter of a lighter, as he fires up a cigarette.

D'JUAN

You ever show up like a normal

person, Deacon? F***ing popping up

out of nowhere.

DEACON:

It's called dramatic timing, dick.

(Beat) Anyways, let me guess.

75.

You went up to the window to get a

look at what was going on, and lo

and behold, there's one of the

freshmen getting it on with a

couple of seniors, Rueben-style.

Tit sandwich. That one's been a

Seatonville standard since I was in

sixth grade.

DEACON(cont'd)

CHUD:

Wait, did that actually happen?

LIAM:

Deacon, shut up. It wasn't like

that. There were these guys in one

of the rooms, and they had that

Callow guy's body on a table… the

mummy. You know?

DEACON:

Okay, this is way better than my

version. Were they f***ing it?

LIAM:

NO. The mummy… (Beat) … these cops

showed up, shot one guy in his

face, then the other guy made them

shoot each other. Then he sees me

watching, makes a jump for the

window, and he's got these like…

four-inch fangs. Huge.

There's a long moment of silence. Then everyone starts to

laugh.

CHUD:

And people say I sound like I'm on

drugs.

DEACON:

That's good, Liam. Keep writing the

script. Houston, you got my money?

76.

LIAM:

I am NOT BULLSHITTING.

D'JUAN

Yeah, I got it. Five bucks? (To

Liam) Seriously, man. It's cool if

you want to live and breathe this

sh*t, but trying to pass it off on

us and trying to scare your little

sister with it are two totally

different things.

.

OSV:

I don't get scared off of what Liam

tells me!

The boys' laughter tapers off as Chud wheels his flashlight

about, finding Lize petulantly standing at the edge of the

playground. Her little fists are balled up in anger.

LIAM Lize, what the HELL?

CHUD:

Isn't it past your bedtime, midget?

LIZE:

Shut up, Chud! Why didn't you tell

me you were coming out here to tell

monster stories?

LIAM:

We're NOT.

D'JUAN

It's been real, but I gotta get

back. Deacon, Liam.

LIAM:

D'Juan! This is the dead-bang

f***ing truth, man. There's

something evil up there, and…

77.

DEACON:

That would be good for the poster.

I'm out, too.

Liam makes a frustrated grab for D'Juan's jacket, dragging on

it.

LIAM:

I am NOT dicking around, here! You

been watching the news? Where the

hell do you think these people are

disappearing off to?

D'JUAN

They're college students. Who the

f*** CARES. Get off my jacket.

DEACON:

Seriously, Liam. Let's humor this

sh*t for a few seconds. Say there

is a gang of murderous undead

a**holes running around… they

wouldn't have somewhere better to

be than THIS f***ing crater of a

town? Or did they show up to eat

people and hit up the Peach Pit for

cobbler Tuesdays?

LIAM:

I don't know. I don't know why

they're here.

DEACON:

Exactly. This town's already filled

with retiree zombies and not much

else. It's deader than Frenchman

Flats, deader than Nixon, and

deader than this conversation.

Liam's attention is no longer on Deacon, nor is Chud's or

Lize's. The three kids are staring past the older boy;

78.

something white has descended from the sky, and is moving

across the lawn on bare feet. D'Juan follows their staring

and stiffens, himself, but Deacon continues talking.

DEACON:

So. With that, I'm going to lay out

my final wisdoms and get the f***

on. You ready? Don't drink more

than the prescribed amount of

NyQuil before bed.

The figure draws in closer. We can now see that it's a WOMAN;

she's dressed in the loose, stark white flow of a medical

gown, it's sleeves adorned with straitjacket straps. It's one

of the women who Kaziglu had as prisoner. She smiles, baring

a quartet of petite fangs.

CHUD:

H… holy… balls.

Deacon turns to go, and nearly walks right into the woman.

DEACON:

(Bemusedly)

Becky-be-sure-and-keep-her-out-late-

Praite. Hey, is your sister still

married, or...

The VAMPIRE BRIDE hisses and flattens Deacon with a sudden

lunge, going for his throat. He howls and struggles, as Chud

and D'Juan try to pry the creature loose from him.

DEACON:

SHE'S TWEAKED OFF HER ASS! GET HER

OFF ME! AGH!

D'Juan's muscles strain as he puts the bride in a chokehold,

but she doesn't budge. The vampire throws an elbow, sending

Chud sprawling. Her fingernails dig into Deacon's forearm,

puncturing his jacket sleeve. He screams.

CRACK. Liam darts in and delivers a swift shot with a piece

of rock.

79.

The vampire rolls aside, spitting and writhing and gripping

her skull. The kids fall back in a cluster, dragging Deacon

to his feet, freaked out.

LIAM:

NOW do you f***ing believe me?!

The bride snaps about like a snake, whipping from her back to

all fours. She seethes, blood drooling down her temple.

DEACON:

Let's talk it up later. RUN.

Deacon SHOVES the other kids, who turn tail and sprint for

the street. D'Juan easily takes the lead, as Chud puffs along

and Deacon moves to run through people's yards. Liam drags

Lize along by her wrist.

INT. SUNNY SIGN HOME

An old couple sits around their television, watching a game

show. They don't even notice the flight of the kids outside

of their portrait window, or Chud's wild hollering. or the

fluid figure of the bride as she glides past, hot on their

heels.

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