The Mule

---

It's David versus Goliath

as the Aussie underdogs

take on the might of America

and history itself.

At 132 years, it's the longest winning

streak in the history of sport.

America's Cup fever

has swept the nation.

The team from Down Under are

attempting to scale the unscalable.

Even our new Prime Minister

has gotten race fever.

We have all our best wishes with you.

As I said in my message,

if it gets tight, let us know.

We'll all turn towards Newport

and blow to get you home.

We're with you, Australia II.

They're coming from a colour television

Every trick they try...

We're with you, Australia II.

We're with you, Australia II.

God bless you all for what you're doing.

It's the first of four in

the best of seven races.

Some are dubbing this the greatest

sporting event this century.

It's party time here at Rhode Island.

I can tell you they'll all

have a bellyful tonight.

I switch off

I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off

I switch on, I switch off...

Drop your pants.

And your underpants, please.

Bend over.

Bend over, mate.

Now hold still.

Please lift up your scrotum.

Spread your buttocks.

Bit of hush. Alright.

Bit of hush, please. Bit of hush.

- On ya, Coach.

- Bit of hush.

Now, we've been watching

the raffle tally

for the end of season footy trip

climb pretty slowly over the last year,

but unfortunately we

didn't raise quite enough.

- Oh, come on!

- But... Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Thanks to a very generous

donation from the owner

of the fabulous Paradise

Gardens Reception Centre,

well...

Says it all. Bangkok, here we come!

Yeah!

Here to present the final

award of the evening

is that generous man himself,

our esteemed club president

Pat 'The Rat' Shepherd.

Thank you, Pat.

Thanks very much, mate.

Much appreciated.

- Thanks, mate.

- Hide your daughters.

Thank you, John.

Four wins from 18 games.

- How do you do it?

- Well...

- No, really, how do you do it?

- He was only sober for four of 'em.

Oh, Cheeky Graeme.

Listen, if your form on the

field was as good as it is off

we might have won five games!

OK, listen up.

Clubman of the Year.

Now, this year's winner

exemplifies the qualities

of a truly great clubman...

loyalty,

endurance,

resilience,

always putting the team above himself.

Now, this kid may not

kick the most goals,

he may not take the most marks,

in fact, he may not even make the

team next year, by the sounds of it.

But after playing a record

154 consecutive games,

the winner of the 1983 West

Sunshine Clubman of the Year

is the endurable Ray Jenkins!

Oh, Ray!

- Come up here, Ray.

- Good on you, mate.

- Well done. Well deserved.

- Did you know?

- Ray!

- Get that into you.

- Ray!

- Ray!

Go on, put it down, son.

Ray.

I can't believe it!

Congratulations.

Say a few words.

Th... thank you.

Just told her, 'I didn't know

it was your bloody cousin. '

It's a true story.

Not telling the one about that mole

from Essendon again, are you, Gav?

Hey, don't do anything

silly in Thailand, fellas.

- Not us.

- Never, hey?

Just be careful.

Don't come home with anything.

Go on, get out of here.

Give me a minute with him.

Still having your shindig next weekend?

Yeah, why? You need something done?

Swing by Paradise, pick up a free keg.

- What about Raymond? He going?

- Where?

Thailand, Knucklehead.

Doubt it. You'd have to

pry him off his mum's tit.

Can't have the Clubman of

the Year not touring, can we?

Be double the fun.

That won't work. I already tried.

Can I break for lunch?

Do the whole table first.

I don't pay you to eat.

Unlimited piss, St Kilda sluts,

my joint... it's on.

You're the only bloke from

the club I'm inviting,

so don't tell no-one.

- Is that you, Ray?

- Yes, Mum.

And is that the dashing

Gavin Ellis with you?

The one and only, Mrs Jenkins.

Just escorting the Clubman

of the Year home.

Oh, yeah?

Well, the Clubman of the Year

can escort himself inside

and set the table.

John?

It's good to be back in Edwin Street.

Yeah, they...

they put a verandah out

the back of your old house.

Who doesn't want a verandah?

Thanks for the ride.

Have a think about the Thailand offer.

Get 'em through Customs, sh*t 'em out

and Robert's our aunty's husband.

Easiest eight grand you'll ever make.

Sure.

Buy yourself some wheels,

have a play with the ladies...

eight grand could do a lot for a

bloke like you, and your mum.

Nah, mate. I'm sorry. I'm not your man.

Besides, I wouldn't be any good at it.

Pay John's debts and stop your mum

getting hurt over a card game.

- What do you mean?

- Don't answer now.

Mull it over, let me know at my party.

Here's some cash for a cab.

Go on, take it. It's yours, for the cab.

There's plenty more

where that came from.

St Kilda sluts!

They said it might rain

tomorrow afternoon.

Yeah, we need a bit of rain.

Hopefully it'll clear up, though.

- That'd be nice.

- Yeah.

Anyone see Adelaide's weather?

Going through a real hot spell.

Yeah, a real hot spell.

Why are you and Gavin

knocking around again?

He hasn't been over since

they lived next door.

He just gave me a lift

home from work, Mum.

Yeah, well, he's bad news, Ray.

He's been in jail.

It was a youth offenders unit.

He cut that poor boy up with a chisel.

It was a long time ago, darl.

Gav's a pretty decent bloke

when you get to know him.

You two used to be like peas in a pod.

Oh, he was such a sweet kid.

His mother would turn in her

grave if she saw him now.

Hey, love, while you're up.

Oh, I don't think so, darlin'.

That was your third.

You've had your quota for the day.

How lucky are we?

Good food, good home, good health.

Oh, yeah, it's good to be us.

This is Ziggy. He's Lithuanian.

Come to get my keg for tonight's party.

- Get F***.

- What?

Get F***. To help you.

He's in the kitchen.

- It's 'Phuk'.

- Oi.

Did you have a word with

our Clubman of the Year?

He's not up for it.

Doesn't have the guts.

It's a pity.

His mum could use the cash.

Never met a coach with

more bad luck than John.

Speaking of which...

Best dog I ever had.

Here's your traveller's cheques.

Half a kilo. No more, no less.

- Who is it?

- A friend.

- Who is it, sorry?

- Where's John?

He's not here.

- He's down at the pub.

- Which pub?

Who is it, love?

He didn't say, mate, but I

can pass on a message for him.

Next time, I come for your mother.

Who was that?

Mormons.

At this hour? Oh, Christ Almighty.

- Mum, I'm gonna head out now.

- To Gavin's.

- John.

- Darl, he's not a baby.

He can make his own decisions.

Night-night.

Night.

Oh, mate, before you go,

could you spot us some cash?

Just a couple of lobsters?

It's for your mum.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Oi, d*ckhead, you always go around

drinking other people's beers?

- I thought it was unlimited.

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