The Music Man Page #10

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But just now I'm out to protect the good name

of the travelin' fraternity from that swindler.

Please, Mr. Cowell, you are making a big mistake.

Mistake! Mistake my old lady's corset cover!

That fella's been the raspberry seed in my wisdom tooth just long enough.

He spoiled Illinois for me, he's not gonna spoil Iowa!

What kind of music teacher are you, you don't see through him?

He's no more Professor than...

Oh, I know all about that.

Band leaders are always called Professor.

It's a harmless deception.

He's a fine director and his scholastic...

Now just a minute.

Fine director?

Have you heard even one note a'music from any band?

No, but...

But nothin', girly girl!

He's never formed a band in his life!

And he never will!

If you'll just listen to me for a minute.

Oh, I'd like to. I'd like to do a lot more than that, if I had the time,

'cause I sure got the inclination.

But I gotta get back on that train and deliver this dynamite

to somebody on the way to the depot.

Bye, girly girl. I'll see you next time through.

You'll never make that train at the depot.

You'll have to catch it at the crossing.

No, sir. I've got to leave word.

And I can see you ain't the one to leave it with.

Just a minute, Mr. Cowell, you...

You don't know me yet.

Is that an invitation?

I never met a man who sells anvils.

That's something, well...

Uh, quite different.

Takes a real salesman, I can tell you that much.

Anvils have a limited appeal, you know...

I... What am I doin'?

If I miss that train, I'm fired!

I gotta leave word about that fellow Hill!

Leave word with me.

Not on your tintype.

How do I know you'd even deliver these letters?

Try me.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

There's your train, you better run for it!

You double-dealing little...

Who do you think you're protecting?

That guy's got a different girl in every county in Illinois,

and he's taken away from every one of 'em!

And that's 102 counties!

That's not counting the little piano teachers like you that he cozies up to,

just to keep their mouths shut!

Neither one of you's heard the last of me, girly girl!

(MRS. PAROO EXCLAIMS)

Oh, my goodness, I just remembered, I've got some jelly on the stove!

There's no jelly on the stove, Mama.

Well, I'll just put some on.

You just come up here and set.

Shall we "set" as your mother said?

What are you doing here?

You asked me to call.

Did I? I didn't mean anything.

No, no, I wasn't suggesting that your invitation inferred anything,

but academic enlightenment,

the Think System.

I've been by your house to try to explain it to you a time or two this week,

but there always seemed to be people around.

Mostly ladies, I thought.

Yes, Mrs. Squires and several of the ladies.

I'm glad. Wouldn't want anybody beating my time.

Well, it's evidently not the convenient time.

Professor Hill!

Is it true that you've had 100...

What I'm trying to say is...

Yes?

Is it really true that you've developed a...

A Think System?

Absolutely.

It's really very simple, as simple as whistling.

No one has to show you how to use your lips in whistling.

You only have to think a tune to have it come out clearly...

Here.

Now just try this yourself, before you ask any questions.

I take your word.

(SIGHS)

Would you like to sit down?

Are all music teachers as dense as I am?

All music teachers?

I daresay you meet dozens...

Even a hundred.

Well, I...

Have they all been fascinated as I have with...

The Think System?

Some more, some less.

One young lady thought up the same system before I got to her town.

She showed me a few refinements.

I see.

Have I said something wrong?

Please don't let me keep you, Professor Hill.

You must have many more important things to do

than explain the Think System to me.

Can't think of one.

And I must be very dull company for a man of your experience.

Now, say, where'd you get an idea like that?

One hears rumors of traveling salesmen.

What have you heard?

Oh, nothing, nothing about you personally, just generally.

What have you heard generally?

Just that,

but of course, it stands to reason that disappointment and jealousy can lead to,

to, I mean, take you for instance,

your attention to, to, to customers

and, and, and well, teachers,

might easily be misinterpreted, mightn't they?

I mean, now honestly, mightn't they?

Why?

And, so you say, if another

salesman or someone were jealous,

I mean...

Well, they could be downright lies, couldn't they?

What could?

Rumors and things.

Why, of course.

It just proves that you can't believe everything you hear, doesn't it?

I mean...

If you just discuss things.

Miss Marian, I would be delighted to discuss anything in the world with you.

But couldn't we do it sitting down?

You do sit?

Your knees bend and all.

We could sit on the porch steps.

We could also sit on the large hollow log over't the footbridge.

Oh, I couldn't think of it.

I've never been to the footbridge with a man in my life.

Just to talk.

I just can't, please, some other time.

Maybe tomorrow.

My dear little librarian,

pile up enough tomorrows

and you'll find you've collected nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.

I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering.

So would I.

Footbridge. In one hour.

One hour.

(EXCLAIMS)

Mama! Mama!

What?

I just told Professor Hill I'd meet him at the footbridge in an hour.

Glory be and the saints be praised. It works!

What does?

I've been usin' the Think System on you from the parlor!

ZANEETA:
Professor Hill! We need you for the Shipoopi!

I've been looking everywhere! Come on!

Zaneeta, I'll be along shortly.

No, we've got to hurry!

Everybody's waiting, and there's gonna be fireworks.

Ye Gods, you don't want to miss them!

(ALL CHEERING)

All right, I'll give it a try!

Found him!

What? What am I supposed to do?

We got her!

Yay!

All right, watch out! Step back!

Now a woman who'll kiss on the very first date is usually a hussy

And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out is anything but fussy

But a woman who'll wait 'til the third time around

Head in the clouds feet on the ground...

She's the girl he's glad he's found

She's his Shipoopi!

Shipoopi! Shipoopi! Shipoopi!

The girl who's hard to get!

Shipoopi! Shipoopi! Shipoopi!

But you can win her yet

Walk her once just to raise the curtain

Then you walk around twice and you make for certain

Once more in the flower garden

She will never get sore if you beg her pardon

Do re mi fa sol la si do

Si la sol fa mi re do

Squeeze her once when she isn't lookin'

If you get a squeeze back that's fancy cookin'

Once more for a pepper-upper

She will never get sore on her way to supper

Do re mi fa sol la si do si do

Now, little ol' Sal was a no-gal as anyone could see

Lookit her now, she's a go-gal who only goes for me

Squeeze her once when she isn't lookin'

If you get a squeeze back that's fancy cookin'

Once more for a pepper-upper

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