The Music Man Page #4

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(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah! Got some matches?

Right here.

Wa-Tan-Ye!

GIRLS:
Wa-Tan-Ye!

Wa-Tan-Ye!

Wa-Tan-Ye!

Wa-Tan-Ye!

Wa-Tan-Ye!

I will now count to 20 in Indian tongue!

Een, teen,

(BANGING DRUM)

tuther, feather, fip!

(EXPLOSION)

(SCREAMING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

I'm shot, George!

Eulalie!

Who shot me? Help me!

Bring in the curtain! Bring in the curtain!

(EULALIE SCREAMING)

Who set off that cracker?

GIRL:
I know who did it.

Tommy Djilas did it. Tommy Djilas did it.

Yes, it was Tommy Djilas.

Tommy Djilas, I wouldn't leave if I was you.

MAYOR:
I'm happy to say Mrs. Shinn will recover.

No thanks to a certain young ruffian who is a disgrace to our city.

Four score and seven year...

"The Flag Day Fireworks Spectacle, Last Days of Pompy-eye will take place

"providing the rain stops by 9:30.

"It'll be out to Madison Picnic Park in the far meadow,

"cross the crick from the Pest House."

MAN:
How come it's raining? Didn't the Gazette predict fair?

Sure did, that's why we prepared for a storm.

The Gazette is accurate most a'the time and you know it, Jacey.

You wouldn't last very long in the bankin' business bein' accur't most a'the time.

What are you talkin' about?

What are you talkin' about?

MAYOR:
Order here! Order! Order! Order!

Will you fellas stop bicker'n in public?

All in the world that I'm sayin' is...

Never mind!

Four score...

We heard there's a pool table in town!

(CROWD CLAMORING)

Now just a minute here...

Well, is it a pool table or isn't it?

Will you allow me to get on with the exercises?

We don't want any more exercises till we get this pool-table matter settled!

ALL:
Yeah!

Protect our children.

ALL:
Yeah!

Resist sin and corruption.

ALL:
Yeah!

Smite that devil and keep our young boys pure.

ALL:
Yeah!

Friends, may I have your attention, please?

Attention, please.

I can deal with this trouble friends, with a wave of my hand, this very hand

Please observe me if you will I'm professor Harold Hill

And I'm here to organize the River City Boys Band!

Burrrr

Oh, think, my friends how could any pool table

Ever hope to compete with a gold trombone?

Raaaa-baaaa, ra-da-da-da-da daaaa-daaaa

Remember, my friends what a handful of trumpet players did to the famous

Fabled walls of Jericho!

Oh, billiard parlor walls come a tumbling down!

Oh, a band'll do it, my friends Oh, yes!

I mean a boys band Do you hear me?

I say River City's gotta have a boys band and I mean she needs it today

Well, Professor Harold Hill's on hand and River City's

Gonna have her boys band as sure as the Lord made little green apples

And that band's gonna be in uniform!

Johnny, Willy, Teddy, Fred! And you'll see the glitter of crashing cymbals

You'll hear the thunder of rolling drums The shimmer of trumpets

Tan-ta-rah!

And you'll feel something akin to the electric thrill I once enjoyed

When Gilmore, Liberatti, Pat Conway, the Great Creatore,

W. C. Handy and John Philip Sousa

All came to town on that very same historic day

Seventy-six trombones led the big parade

With a hundred and ten cornets close at hand

And they were followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos

The cream of every famous band

Seventy-six trombones caught the morning sun

With a hundred and ten cornets right behind

There were more than a thousand reeds springing up like weeds

There were horns of every shape and kind

There were copper bottom tympani in horse platoons

Thundering, thundering all along the way

Double bell euphoniums and big bassoons

Each bassoon having his big fat say

There were fifty mounted cannon in the battery

Thundering, thundering louder than before

Clarinets of every size and trumpeters who'd improvise

A full octave higher than the score

Seventy-six trombones hit the counterpoint

While a hundred and ten cornets blazed away

To the rhythm of harch-harch-harch all the kids began to march

And they're marching still right today!

(BANGING)

(WHISTLING)

(BEATING TABLE)

Seventy six trombones hit the counterpoint

While a hundred and ten cornets blazed away

To the rhythm of harch-harch-harch

All the kids began to march and they're marching still

Right today

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

That man is a spellbinder.

Men, this calls for emergency action.

I haven't seen Iowa people get so excited

since the night Frank Gotch and Strangular Lewis lay on the mat

for three and half hours without moving a muscle!

Never mind!

I want that man's credentials.

There he is!

Oh!

Very good.

That will be five dollars earnest money.

Thank you very, very much.

Let me see your hands. Piccolo player.

How's that sound?

CONSTABLE:
Grab that hoodlum!

He almost blew up Mrs. Shinn!

HAROLD:
It'll be five dollars, earnest money.

(GASPING)

CONSTABLE:
Hurry, Sheriff, after him.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Thanks, Professor. Have to make an example of him.

Ringleader, you know. What he does, the gang does.

Lemme go.

You a' wild kid, ya.

Hanging around my oldest girl.

His father is one a' them day laborers south a' town.

You wild kid, ya.

Taggin' down Main Street after my oldest girl last Sunday.

I wasn't either taggin'.

Don't you counterdict me.

We'uz just walkin' together, Jeely Kly.

You watch your phraseology!

I know what you'uz doin', my little Gracie seen ya.

Now you stay away from my oldest girl

or you'll hear from me 'til who laid the rails!

Hill! I'll talk to you Monday morning about this band thing, over at City Hall.

10:
00 sharp.

I want that spellbinder's credentials.

Constable, I'll be responsible for the boy.

Oh, you don't know this kid, Professor, he's tough,

and he's got his gang waitin' outside.

Oh, I'll be careful.

Tommy, I'd like to talk to you about the band.

Aw, gee, Professor, that's for the little kids.

I'm not talking about you playing in the band.

I'll bet you're mechanically minded, aren't you?

Ever do anything with perpetual motion?

Ah, yeah. Nearly had it a couple times.

You did?

Then you're my man!

Do you realize that nobody has ever invented

a music-holder for a marching piccolo player?

No place to hang the music.

Jeely Kly! Wonder where I could get some wire from?

Look in your cellar, that's where people usually keep wire.

Oh, Tommy!

Yes, sir?

Now, constable, I'll show you how to break up a gang.

Oh, miss.

Oh, young lady! What's your name?

Zaneeta. I didn't have any idea you was beckoning to me. Ye Gods.

Do you know Tommy Djilas?

Well, I...

Tommy, this is Zaneeta.

Escort the young lady home, by way of the ice cream parlor.

Yes, sir. Do I hafta?

Ya hafta.

Yes, sir.

Ye Gods!

Professor, you're a pretty bright young fellow.

But you made a couple mistakes, though.

Oh?

The Mayor happens to own the billiard parlor and that new pool table.

Oh! What was the other mistake?

That Zaneeta. She's the Mayor's oldest girl.

Just a minute, Professor Hill, we're on the School Board,

and we'd like to have your credentials.

Academic certificates.

Nothing of the kind!

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