The Music Man Page #5

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We need letters and papers!

Make him put up a bond!

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, what am I hearing?

Gentlemen, follow me.

Say

Ice cream

Ice cream.

But I don't sing if that's what you're gettin' at.

All right, all right, talk then.

Down here!

Ice cream.

Talk slow!

Ice cream

You see? Singing is only sustained talking.

Now you

Ice cream

Now you, right here

Ice cream

Now you, sir!

Ice cream

I didn't know we could do that.

From now on,

you'll never see one of those men without the other three.

Oh, Professor, you're wrong!

Everyone knows they've hated each other since kindergarten! Ye Gods!

(SINGING A CAPPELLA) Ice cream Ice cream

Ice cream

How can there be...

Any...

Sin in sincere

Where is the good in goodbye...

In goodbye

Your apprehensions confuse me, my dear

Like I said, you'll never see one of those men without the other three.

Puzzle and mystify

Mystify tell me what can be fair

In farewell, dear

While one single star shines

Above

How can there be any sin

In sincere?

Aren't we sincerely

In love

Oh, we're in love

How do you do?

I don't suppose you live alone, or anything?

No!

I've got some wonderful caramels over't the hotel if you'd...

Mr. Hill!

Professor Hill.

Professor of what?

At what college do they give a degree for annoying women on the street

like a Saturday night rowdy at a public dance hall?

Well, I wouldn't know about that.

I'm a conservatory man myself. Gary, Indiana, Gold Medal Class of aught-five.

Even should that happen to be true,

does that give you the right to follow me around wherever I go?

Another thing, Mr. Hill,

I'm not as easily mesmerized or hoodwinked

as some people in this town

and I think it only fair to warn you

that I have a shelf full of reference books in my library

which may very well give me some interesting information about you.

Hey, Greg!

Hi, Marcellus. Don't call me Greg.

So how'd you make out with the music teacher?

Ate out of my hand the minute I tipped my hat.

She did? Oh, boy, did you cut a swath today.

For a minute even I thought

you knew somethin' about leadin' a band.

Just like when you used to imitate

that band-concert fellow in Joplin.

Yeah.

Ah, kid stuff.

I'm in rare form these days.

Just keep your eyes on me for the next three weeks.

Three weeks?

It only used to take ten days for the instruments to arrive.

Still does. But it takes three weeks for the uniforms.

Oh, no, Greg.

You haven't added uniforms?

Uniforms and instruction books.

Instruction books?

But, you can't pass yourself off as a music professor.

I mean not for any three weeks.

Marce.

But you don't know one note from another.

I have a revolutionary new method called the "Think System"

where you don't bother with notes.

But in three weeks...

Why that's the Fourth of July sociable.

The people will want to hear music.

You'll have to lead a band.

When the uniforms arrive they forget all that,

at least long enough for me to collect and leave.

Oh, this is a refined operation, Marce, and I've got it timed

right down to the last wave of the brakeman's hand

on the last train out 'a town.

And now, Mr. Washburn...

If you'll excuse me.

Gonna line yourself up a little canoodlin', huh?

Uh, well...

Say, I could fix you up with Ethel's sister.

Lovely girl, teaches Sunday School.

Oh, no.

No wide-eyed, eager wholesome, innocent Sunday School teacher for me

That kinda girl spins webs no spider ever...

Listen, boy...

A girl who trades on all that purity

Merely wants to trade my independence for her security

The only affirmative she will file

Refers to marching down the aisle

No golden, glorious, gleaming, pristine goddess

No, sir

For no Diana do I play faun

I can tell you that right now

I snarl and I hiss

How can ignorance be compared to bliss

I spark, I fizz

For the lady who knows what time it is

I cheer, I rave

For the virtue I'm too late to save

The sadder-but-wiser girl for me

Ooh, wow.

No bright-eyed blushing breathless baby doll baby

No, sir, that kinda child ties knots

No sailor ever knew

I prefer to take a chance

On a more adult romance

No dewy young miss who keeps resisting

All the time she keeps insisting

No wide-eyed, wholesome innocent female

No, sir

Why she's the fisherman I'm the fish, you see

Plop! I flinch, I shy

When the lass with the delicate air goes by

I smile, I grin

When the gal with a touch of sin walks in

I hope, I pray

For Hester to win just one more "A"

The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me

The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me

The sadder-but-wiser girl for me

MRS. SQUIRES:
Ooh, don't you love it? It's the latest from Chicago.

MAUD:
Kansas City.

MAUD:
Needs a feather.

MRS. SQUIRES:
Maybe two.

MRS. SQUIRES:
Oh, my goodness, it's Professor Hill.

(WOMEN SHRIEKING IN EXCITEMENT)

Oh, Professor.

Won't you please give us your opinion on these hats?

Now, what's the latest fashion in Chicago?

Are feathers de rigueur or passe? Passe.

Oh, well, I don't consider myself an expert.

Oh, Professor Hill.

We're all agog. Simply agog!

On the qui vive.

Everyone's so excited about the band.

I'm Ethel Toffelmeier, the pianola girl?

Oh, you're Ethel Toff...

That hat, it's scrumptious.

(ALL GIGGLING)

I'm Mrs. Dunlop, and this is Mrs. Squires,

and Mrs. Hix and of course you've met

Eulalie Mackechnie Shinn, our Mayor's wife?

Oh, Eulalie, isn't this exciting?

Oh, I couldn't say.

I could not say.

Oh, no. I could not say at this time.

My husband will wish to investigate, I'm sure.

So naturally, I'm reticent.

Yes, I'm reticent.

Of course, Mrs. Shinn, I understand.

But you see, part of my music plans

include a committee on the dance and...

Wait...

Now wait, do that again, Mrs. Shinn.

Your foot, the way you raised it just now.

Well, I have a bunion there that bothers me.

Oh, what grace.

Oh.

What natural flow of rhythm.

Oh.

What expression of line and movement.

Oh, you must accept the chairmanship

of the Ladies Auxiliary for the Classic Dance.

Mustn't she, ladies?

WOMEN:
Oh, yes! You must.

Oh, every move you make, Mrs. Shinn,

bespeaks Delsarte.

(GASPING)

Oh, the way you move your hands...

Oh, I...

Yes, yes and turn your head.

Oh, Mrs. Shinn,

I would give a year's pay to see you dance the Shipoopi

at the Fourth of July sociable.

The Shipoopi?

All the rage in New York and Paris.

(GASPING)

Oh, oh, Mrs. Shinn, you can't refuse.

Not someone with your natural ability. Say yes.

Well...

Eulalie Mackechnie Shinn.

Well... I... That is...

Dancing.

Well...

Then you'll accept the chairmanship?

Yes, indeed.

(ALL SHRIEKING)

And to my committee, I would like to say to all of...

Uh, thank you. Thank you.

Oh.

And about the young lady who works at the library?

Miss Paroo, I think it is.

ALL:
Ooh!

Mmm.

She plays the piano.

Oh, she plays...

Yes, she plays. Pick-pick!

And not just the piano, oh, no!

Isn't that right, ladies?

Talk a little, talk a little.

Pick a little talk a little, pick a little, talk a little

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