The Naked Kiss Page #2

Hey, Hatrack. Come over here.

Did I do something wrong?

Oh, Griff.

How are you, Griff?

I'm so glad to see you again.

Do we know each other?

We met in the park in Grantville,

near the fountain.

On a Thursday.

Don't you remember me?

Sure. You came in by bus.

Sure, I remember.

It was very kind of you

to recommend me to Candy.

I just love selling bonbons.

You were a platinum blonde.

Oh, she was, but, uh, the color

clashed with my upholstery...

so I made her go back

to her own natural peasant color.

The customer in the booth

has a sweet tooth.

Are you going to stick around

for a while, Griff?

The customer.

Bonbon, sir?

Boy, you sure pick 'em, Griff.

I sure can.

Then why that, uh, hangdog look

when you learned that this Kelly didn't show?

How about a snort in the office?

I'm not thirsty.

Paris! Have you been to those places?

- No.

- But these are originals.

Ultra, ultra expensive.

What about that factory

outside of town?

Oh, I'm afraid there's no job open

at Grant Mill.

Grant? Grant this, Grant that.

He seems to own everything around here.

His great-great-grandfather

founded this town.

J.L. Grant is our most famous citizen.

Everybody calls him Grant.

J.L. Grant.

Yes, I've read about him.

International playboy.

Chateau in Normandy,

villa on the Riviera...

private yacht in Monte Carlo.

Society's most eligible bachelor.

He's a hard worker, Miss Kelly.

He's no playboy.

His very name

is a synonym for charity.

He's got the biggest heart

in the world.

Why, he built our hospital.

He built the orthopedic medical center

and sponsors it all by himself.

And it's open to all handicapped children

with no racial or religious barriers.

Handicapped children?

It's a haven of hope for those angels -

so little, so helpless

and so pitifully crippled.

One more operation,

and that baby will have straight feet.

What about that new patient,

Anita Uphoff?

Oh, she'll do good with new braces

and a pelvic band.

Now, uh, about Peanuts.

- Oh, he's terrified.

- I know.

Dr. Tegmeyer's going to transfer

some muscles down around the hip area.

That Kelly is some woman, Griff.

One day, she walked in here

out of nowhere and -

I'll fill in lover boy

with all the facts, Julia.

Hello, Mac, Dusty.

- Where is this new nurse's aide

I've been hearing about?

You too?

Um, Dr. Torrance asked you to meet him

at Plastic Surgery in five minutes.

- Right.

- Reception.

Yes, just a moment, please.

- Miss McDowell, Dr. Gorsen.

- Yes, Doctor.

Right, Doctor.

Shoot this over to Radiology

and then get Peanuts ready for surgery.

He's in the playroom.

Come on, Griff.

Now you'll see the McCoy in action.

She came out of the clouds one night

without a single reference.

I hired her on the spot.

I thought orthopedics

called for specialized training.

Oh, it does.

Some people are born

to write books, symphonies...

paint pictures, build bridges.

But Kelly -

she was born to handle children with crutches

and babies in braces.

Sounds like one of those

sweet Florence Nightingales.

Not Kelly! She's tough.

Runs her ward like a pirate ship.

She makes Captain Bligh

look like a sissy.

What do you want, a medal?

Every two years, you get new legs

to grow on, don't you?

- Why didn't you want to put 'em on?

- I got used to the others, skipper.

Ah!

Sit down.

Now, let me see you touch your toes.

Best thing in the world for him.

Exercises his back

with his brand-new legs.

They're too far away.

That's a new low.

Using crippled kids to front your trade.

I quit my trade.

You'll have a problem breaking in those little girls

to walk the street on crutches.

I washed my face clean

the morning I woke up in your bedroom.

You got morals in my room?

Oh, you had nothing to do with it.

Nothing.

- It was your mirror.

- You must have taken a long look.

It was the longest look of my life.

I saw a broken-down piece of machinery.

Nothing but the buck, the bed

and the bottle for the rest of my life.

That's what I saw.

A hooker moving in

with the town virgin!

What an act!

How much did you score, honey?

How much did you tap at the hospital?

How much Angel Foam did you peddle?

Oh, you ask.

You ask the doctors

if I made a play for any one of them.

Ask them!

You were the only buyer

I had in this town...

and my last one.

You're coming with me,

or I talk to Mac myself.

Look, Griff.

I'm trying your side of the fence.

Is there a law against it?

Is there anything wrong with it?

Your face might fool

a lot of these people...

but not your body.

Your body's your only passport.

You're right.

I can renew a passport...

but I can't renew my body...

or my face or my health.

Oh, look, Griff.

I'm trying to change.

Please help me.

Give me a break.

So the old man said, "White swan...

if you pretend hard enough,

I will change you into a little boy. "

So the white swan

pretended hard enough...

and, all of a sudden,

he was changed into a little boy.

So the old man told me...

if I pretended hard enough,

I could play games with the little boy.

I pretended hard enough...

and, all of a sudden...

I was playing all kinds of games

with the little boy.

And you know who the little boy was?

Kip, first mate of the Jolly Roger.

And we ran

and we played on the grass.

I have legs! I have legs!

I have legs!

And who do you think we found

as we played on the grass?

The whole crewoffthe Jolly Roger.

Every little girl and every little boy

that pretended hard enough...

was playing on the grass

and having a whale of a time.

Barney?

This is for you.

Why so glum?

Well, it's, uh...

the first time you didn't take me

to Europe with you, Mr. Grant.

Quit griping, Barney. You got a dream job

going all over the world with him.

- How was it?

- Great.

This for real, Mr. Grant?

It's an authentic drinking cup

used by the Gauls.

Is everything ready

for tonight's party?

Yes, sir.

- Is the, uh, Eroica tape all set up?

- Yes, sir.

Thank you, Barney.

Griff, how about mixing us

a couple of drinks?

I can't wait.

This means...

"All things, by gentleness...

may be made smooth. "

And this is for

the gentle Miss Josephine.

Oh!

Merci beaucoup.

- And this is for Bunny.

- Oh!

- The prettiest child in Grantville.

- Is it that doll?

- The one we talked about.

- She'll treasure that all her life.

- A little touch from the Rhine.

- Danke schon.

Bitte schon.

And, Buff, something from England.

- A reminder of where you were born.

- Petticoat Lane?

No, my, uh, pretty little redcoat.

Piccadilly Circus.

And this is for Griff.

- Good evening, Mac.

- Evening, Barney.

Oh, uh, this is Kelly.

Barney's the best martini virtuoso

in the whole state.

Never touches the stuff.

I've heard about you, Miss Kelly.

Highly complimentary.

Well, thank you, Barney.

Well, did the baron come back

loaded with stuff?

Like always.

Foreign gifts from all parts of the world.

Uh - Uh, did he get

what I asked him for?

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