The Naked Kiss Page #3

No luck. He just couldn't find

the male version of Brigitte Bardot.

Well, lead on to the grape, Barney.

Oh, this is the founder of our town.

It's Grant's great-great-grandfather.

He's a doll.

- Hi!

- Hi, Mac.

- Hiya, Mac.

- Hi, Mac, dear. How are you?

- Grant!

- Mac, how are you?

You look wonderful, darling.

Here. I want you to meet the lady

who's making history in orthopedics.

Miss Kelly, Mr. Grant.

- How do you do?

- Pleasure, Miss Kelly.

- Everybody calls me Grant.

- And everybody calls her Kelly.

K-E-double L-Y.

Don't mind him.

He's upset because he struck out.

He's been poking around the hospital

ever since Kelly went into action.

Uh, what about me?

I'm a registered voter.

For those on duty tonight.

And, uh, I'm going to send a load of gifts

to the kids at the hospital tomorrow.

I have something from Venice

I believe you will like...

Miss, uh, K-E-double L-Y.

Thank you.

- Would you like to have a seat, please?

- Thank you.

- Oh.

- Venetian.

Seventeenth century.

From Venice.

I see myself by moonlight

on the Lake of Lucerne...

in a boat wandering

through a leafy alley in a garden...

and Beethoven's hands

playing the "Moonlight Sonata. "

He carved that sonata

out of moonlight.

Was he in love when he wrote it?

Yes.

Did he marry her?

No, he - he never found the wife

he was looking for.

How do you know

he was looking for a wife?

What man isn't?

"A sweetheart is a bottle of wine.

A wife is a wine bottle. "

Did Goethe write that?

- Baudelaire.

- Oh.

Beethoven and Goethe

were good friends.

- Griff doesn't go for Beethoven.

- Griff is tone-deaf.

How did you know?

Well, I - I watched his face

when we were singing the other night.

You sang very well.

I was happy.

"Happiness was born a twin. "

Lord Byron.

My favorite poet.

Kelly, you baffle me.

Intellect is seldom a feature

of physical beauty.

And that makes you a remarkable woman.

The most interesting contradiction

I've met in years.

With a love of poetry -

rare in this age of missiles.

Would you like to visit where Byron

wrote many of his famous sonnets?

Venice?

I'm going to take you there right now.

I took these movies from a gondola.

That apartment on the left is where

your friend Lord Byron wrote "Beppo. "

That's where he swam the Grand Canal.

Hear that?

Hmm?

I hear the gondolier singing.

Do you?

If you pretend hard enough...

and if you listen hard enough -

you'll hear his fine Italian voice.

Santa Lucia

Venite all'agile

Barchetta mia

Santa Lucia

Santa -

With a moo-moo here

and a moo-moo there

Here a moo, there a moo

Everywhere a moo-moo

Old MacDonald had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

And on this farm he had a duck

E-I-E-I-O

- This job's for the birds.

- Aw, what's bothering you, Buff?

I'm not like you, Kelly.

I haven't got steel in my veins.

I get sick just - just looking

at these poor little babies...

let alone handling them.

I'm going to quit.

I'm going to quit this job.

And it's gonna - it's gonna hurt Griff.

- It's gonna hurt him bad.

- Why Griff?

He's been like a father to me,

ever since mine was killed in Korea.

Griff got me this job.

He's so damn proud of me.

Say, I hear that young intern

is taking you to the dance tonight.

He thinks he's Dr. Kildare.

I think he's a bore.

You remember that lame gown of mine?

- The black-and-silver one?

- Mm-hmm.

I think Miss Josephine

could fit you right into it.

Oh, that's great.

What's the matter, Miss Kelly?

What's wrong?

I'm worried about Buff.

The door's open, Buff.

Would you care for a bonbon?

I made $25 tonight.

Ten, ten and five.

Where'd you get that money?

A woman gave it to me.

- What woman?

- Candy. She runs a club across the river.

What's the 25 for?

It's an advance.

I'm gonna be a bonbon.

Take off my dress!

No.

I paid $350 for that dress.

I'll take it off myself.

Those bonbons aren't there

just to serve drinks, you know.

I know.

You had that coming to you.

Candy said I could make $300 a week.

All right.

Go ahead.

You know what's different

about the first night?

Nothing.

Nothing except it lasts forever.

That's all.

You'll be sleeping on the skin of a nightmare

for the rest of your life.

Oh, you're a beautiful girl, Buff.

Young.

Oh, they'll outbid each other for you.

You'll get compliments, clothes, cash.

You'll meet men you live on...

and men who live on you.

And those are the only men you'll meet.

And after a steady grind

of making every john feel at home...

you'll become a block of ice.

And if you do happen to melt a little...

you'll get slipped a tip

behind Candy's back.

You'll be every man's wife-in-law

and no man's wife.

Why, your world with Candy

will become so warped...

that you'll hate all men...

and you'll hate yourself...

because you'll become a social problem,

a medical problem...

a mental problem...

and a despicable failure as a woman.

Isn't that wild?

Come on, sugar, tell me.

- What do your mother and father call you?

- They call me once a month.

But everybody else calls me Marshmallow.

How'd a little cowgirl like you

get to be a bonbon?

Oh, Candy advanced me a few dollars.

Oh, that's Candy.

And promised me

a weekly intake of 300.

Well, that's Candy.

And also promised

that I'd meet a handsome Don Juan.

That's me!

How about a belt to the private booth, huh?

No luck, Marshmallow!

I've warned you before.

This mountain of money jollies is mine!

Lookin' for somebody?

The owner - Candy.

I'm Candy.

My name is Kelly.

Oh, yes. Um...

Griff told me about you.

Where have you been coasting?

I'll tell you in your office.

All right. Come on.

Well, well. Where did you get

the new bonbon, Candy?

Come on, Zookie, none of that.

Now be a good boy.

Take the hands off. That's it.

Karate champ - black-lace belt.

That's me.

- To the champ.

- The new champ.

Listen, new stuff, stay away from Zookie.

He's my john exclusively.

Where's your office?

Come on.

Oh, that Redhead.

That's the fourth customer

she's coldcocked with a karate punch.

Sit down. Let's talk bus -

Stop!

Cut it out! Cut it out!

That hurts! Kelly!

Now!

Ten.

And five.

Now you stay away from Buff.

Time for a bonbon.

Come on, Zookie, wake up.

Wanna tell me about it?

Have you been to a doctor?

I'm glad we didn't go out tonight.

There's -

There's something

I've got to get off my mind.

You've got the whole floor.

I'm afraid our dance is over.

The music's still playing.

Sit down.

Please. And listen to the words.

Please.

When I came to this town...

the first day I came...

I was a prostitute.

My first customer was my last one.

The next morning, I quit.

Now I'm in love with the man

who's the dream of every woman -

every woman

who has the right to dream.

With a man who's got to stop seeing me

before the volcano erupts.

I love you, Kelly.

Will you marry me?

I've got to think it out.

Oh, I've got to think it out.

I wasn't cut out to be a monk.

And you're not the type to turn nun.

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