The New Guy Page #5

the truth about your leader.

We know he was in prison.

Prison? Are you shitting me?

All right, buddy-boy!

That doesn't fly around...

Okay, you guys, back it up.

This is my fight.

Oh, baby! Come on, make my day!

Get him!

I'm gonna go rodeo on your ass!

Take this! And this!

I wanna know what you know.

Someone spread the word

about our band.

That was us.

But half of Rocky Creek is here.

What? How did they hear?

Hey, guys. Check this out.

Creed?

What idiot would fall for this?

There's a menu on the other side.

Anybody know where the VIP room is?

Excuse me, ladies? Hello?

Thank you. Who did that?

Hey, fat-ass.

Quiet, Billy.

Hi.

I didn't think I'd live to see us win

the State Championship.

Quiet!

Ladies and gentlemen...

...Suburban Funk!

We can do this.

Ladies and gentlemen, Creed...

...will not be here tonight.

Repeat, will not be here.

And drop curtain.

Cue.

Mrs. Whitman, its my...

lts mine, now!

No...

Yo, East Highland,

you know Gil Harris.

Hey, Rocky Creek,

you remember Diz Harrison?

Guess what, folks?

Gil and Diz are the same guy.

He made fools ofyou. You don't

believe me, ask him yourself.

Maybe for once, he'll tell the truth.

This sucks! Whas going on?

Hey!

Nora, is all right.

I can handle this.

I can explain.

Let the brother speak!

Luther.

Not just Luther. Spiders.

You play my kind of music.

Out of the way, Red.

I've been in the pen a while.

Everything you saw on that screen

was completely...

...true.

They're right. I'm a liar.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Actually, I do know

what I was thinking.

I was trying to become something more

than just a blip on the radar screen.

So I made someone up.

Someone I thought you'd all like.

And all because I cared more about

what other people thought of me...

...than what I thought of me.

But I bet I'm not the only person here

who's ever let that happen.

What is this?

Broke-dick, Broke-dick!

Broke-dick, Broke-dick!

Better come scoop up your friend.

Move it!

Anybody got a staple gun?

Who's the b*tch now?

Diz! Oh, my God, you're bleeding!

My nose.

The crowd, they're animals!

No, animals are kinder. They don't boo

when they're killing something.

Diz, you are amazing.

What was that for?

Can't I appreciate you?

You're scaring me. Whas going on?

You've inspired me.

I have to do something

I've wanted to do a long time.

I have to let somebody

know how I feel about him.

You know, Nora...

Better than PlayStation 2?

Now it is.

Yo, I guess is me and you.

And us.

And me.

Would you two get a room?

I'm sorry.

I don't know what to call you.

Broke-dick seems to be popular.

You're the biggest liar I've ever met.

You're right, I'm a liar.

They called me "Dan the Man."

What?

That was before I lost the braces

and grew b*obs.

Then I became "Danielle the Body."

I dropped all the friends I had

because they looked like the old me.

And very selfish and mean...

...but I just wanted so badly

to fit in.

Been there.

Do you even ride the motorcycle?

Yeah, actually I do.

But it usually takes a station wagon

or a bush to stop me.

So, what do we do now?

Don't ask me. The last plan I had

blew up pretty badly.

No kidding.

So you see...

...I saved his narrow behind.

And he got to kiss the girl.

I hope that inspires you.

It has. Is taught me a lot.

Its easy for a man like me to forget

what most slobs will do to get a woman.

My fault, I talk too much.

That really did burn me, sorry.

Oh, God!

You okay?

No, he clipped it.

Thats why I wanna use you.

You staring at my Janet?

No. No way, man!

Can we do that again?

He couldn't understand what I said.

I'm sorry, that sucked!

Look at that!

Don't yell for mercy.

Oh, God, I blew the line.

Check me out! Bat-wings!

Cut! Cut!

I need three gallons

of mineral water...

...16 martini olives...

...and enough hummus

to cover this beautiful girl's body.

You got that?

Who's the b*tch now?

Hey, man. You got a smoke?

How you doing?

Better now.

Okay, cut.

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