The New Yoda Chronicles: Escape from the Jedi Temple

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1

[]

Narrator [reading]:

[upbeat music playing]

all:
Go, chewy. Go, chewy.

This is most frightful.

I really don't think

we should be celebrating

Quite so vociferously.

And so prematurely.

Threepio, stop worrying.

We won.

Yeah, relax, goldiepants.

Vader's nowhere within

a million sectors of us.

[record scratches]

Okay, I saw that.

And I can take care

of those pests.

This'll be no biggie.

Yes, biggie.

[]

You'll never escape me now.

I don't think

they can hear you, sir.

[growls]

Unless you've got

a radio transmitter

Inside your head thing,

which would be really cool.

I mean, super cool.

You're just so c-cool.

[yells]

Any bright ideas, genius?

As a matter of fact,

your worship...

No, we're cooked.

I have an idea.

Pulling the stick this way

makes it go backward, right?

Look, if you think we can

back out of this--

So this makes it go forward.

All:

Are you crazy?

Is he crazy?

After them.

Now. Match their every move.

[all groaning]

[yelling]

[engine sputtering]

Vader:

Ah, we lost them.

And you dented my head thing.

Han:

Well, I gotta hand it to you, kid.

It was a risky move,

but it worked like a charm.

You know, han,

Jedi can do some

pretty amazing things.

And now, if you'll allow me,

I'll quietly take us

into hyperspace.

[pop music playing]

Han:

Wrong button.

Admiral piett:

Funkadelic starship at nine o'clock.

Prepare my fighter ship.

So, what was that

about the jedi again?

Nothing.

[]

Vader:

You've escaped me for the last time.

Pilot:

I don't think they can hear you, sir.

Everybody, stop saying that.

Reckless,

young skywalker's move was.

Not ready to be

a jedi yet, he is.

I'm talking

to myself again, I am.

Obi-wan:

Master yoda. Are you here?

Obi-wan kenobi.

You, can it be?

Obi-wan:

Yes. I bring wonderful news.

And some not so great news.

Did you see the part

where I came to luke

As just a voice,

and I was all like,

"use the force, luke,"

And that's how he blew up

the death star?

Did you see it?

Yes. Thrilling it was.

So saw it again, I did.

But need more training,

luke does.

Unearth the holocrons,

we must now.

Teach luke the way

of the jedi, they will.

And to think we almost

didn't have them at all.

Remember our last mission?

Yes, remember it well.

I do.

I'll remind you anyway

because it was so exciting.

The empire had just risen.

Anakin became darth vader,

which was bad,

But he didn't know

he had two children now,

Which was good.

So we had to hide luke and leia

before we went into hiding.

It is done.

The boy is on tatooine,

Far from any other

living creature.

Can I help you?

[shrieks]

[chuckles]

They were easily startled.

I'm glad luke is safe.

My wife and I have little leia.

And into exile on dagobah,

I have gone.

Then we have done all we can.

Until we meet again,

my friends, we--

Wait.

Aved the holocrons

From the jedi temple

you did, right?

Me? You said

were going to do it.

Didn't, no I.

You to do it I told.

Why hard so to understand me

find it you?

The holo-what-nows?

The holocrons.

The sacred crystals

that hold all of jedi history.

We'll need to get those

out of the temple

If we're ever to train luke.

Bad this is.

Meet at the rendezvous point

on kashyyk we must at once.

I'll get there as soon as I can.

Even sooner I think.

Agh. They're back,

And in greater numbers.

Obi-wan:

Hey, stop. Jedi emergency.

[dramatic music playing]

So?

Do you like my new theme song?

Marvellous.

Boo. Boo.

You'll pay for your treachery.

But on my planet,

booing is cheering.

See? Boo. Boo.

Emperor:

Enough.

Thanks to order 66,

the jedi are no more,

And I rule the galaxy.

Disobey me

and you will feel the wrath

Of my new apprentice...

Rise, lord vader.

Never underestimate

the power of the--

[grunting]

Hang on, getting used

to these new legs.

Take your time.

Almost got it.

Here I go.

Never underestimate

the power of the--

Whoa!

[all chuckling then choking]

Vader:

I can still hurt you from down here.

[]

Unanswered our call

for help has gone.

We'll just have to go

to the jedi temple

And steal the holocrons

ourselves.

But the emperor

thinks you're dead.

Going there would be foolhardy.

C-3po:

Foolhardy, eh?

Count me in.

Both:
Huh?

Now, who here's got

the guts to go with me?

Threepio?

That's my name, beardo,

don't wear it out.

Beardo?

What's gotten into you?

If you recall,

I had the protocol droid's

mind wiped.

It didn't quite work out

the way we expected.

Look, I don't know you jokers,

but if there's a mission,

Then I say we should stop

dilly-dallying

And get on with it.

Ooh.

Like this new threepio I do.

Thank you, little green boy.

Hmph.

Have you sold for parts,

I could.

Rako:

Did somebody call for backup?

My padawans.

We escaped to the outer rim,

But we came

as soon as we got your call.

And we brought a friend.

I am ready to fight...

...For the you guys.

14-jek. Came you did.

And not at the last second

this time.

Yeah, that was getting old.

Looks like we've got

a strike team.

[horn honking]

Room for one more?

Master yoda,

you can count on me.

Look. It's, um...

Our old friend.

You remember me, don't you?

Yes.

Happy to see you I am, um...

I'm nogata, but you guys

all call me rusty.

Yoda, you were my teacher.

I was in the academy

with obi-wan.

You remember me, don't you?

Of course. Rusty.

And we're back together again,

aren't we, old chum?

Just like at

the battle of muktuk?

Ha-ha, yes, muktuk.

Now that was a battle.

There was no battle of muktuk.

I'm sorry. You're just not that

memorable.

Rusty:

Not memorable? I was your lab partner.

And your roommate.

Yoda, we've reached

the staging area.

And we are ready to kick

imperial bottom.

Kick it, I hope you do.

Monitor the mission we will

from the command ship.

My ship is bigger, you know.

When the jedi master

you become,

Choose the ship you can.

D who gets to ride in it.

Request permission to engage

cool new superpower?

Yoda [over radio]:

Permission granted.

Padawans:

Cool.

[]

What? Huh?

Okay, n vault is...

Thanks.

This way.

Uh-oh.

Being bad...

Is not...

Good!

I don't mind watching this now

Because I know how it all ends.

[munching]

Unforeseen this is.

Get the emperor out of there

somehow you must.

Rusty, can you draw fire from--

Oh, sure, now you remember me.

How many times

can I say I'm sorry?

It's all being handled, people.

You've got some real heroes

on the job.

That's right, we're on this.

What's our plan again?

This!

Hello, boys.

This is not the droid

you're looking for.

What are you doing?

Not being a fraidy-cat.

How about you?

The five-oh-first legion

is under attack

By an unknown droid

and unknown coward.

I repeat.

We're under attack.

The five-oh-first?

That's my guys.

[men screaming]

sorry.

[in deep voice]

sorry.

What is going on out there?

Now my popcorn will go stale.

I hate when that happens.

The coast is clear.

Entering the holocron vault now.

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