The Next Best Thing Page #8

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we need to work this out together.

Well, let me tell you one thing

straight away. Sam has one father.

There's only one daddy in this family,

and that is me! I'm the daddy!

- Absolutely!

- Absolutely!

- You're the mummy...

and Ben--

Ben isjust Ben.

Now, when it comes to any decisions

involving Sam, I get a say

and Abbie gets a say.

IfSam wants ice cream, and I say no,

I don't want to hear

that you two said yes.

I don't want to be outvoted.

This is not a democracy.

Oh, and one more thing.

He's not moving in here.

By the way, congratulations.

Attention, shoppers.

At the meat counter...

Le GrandBalu, yourbig salami.

- Eighty-nine centsan inch.

- Mom?

- Mm-hmm.

Why is Ben making dinner tonight?

We're supposed to have roast beast

on Thursdays.

Because Ben's making something special

for dinner tonight.

It's a cross between a noodle

and a dumpling, only lighter.

- It's German.

- It sounds potentially hazardous...

and utterly delicious.

So, uh, have you requested a transfer

from your New York offiice yet?

- Yeah, I did.

- How'd they take it?

Well, it's a little complicated,

actually.

- They offered me a partnership.

- Hey, congratulations.

- Out here?

- Well, no. It'd be back east.

So what did you tell them?

-So what did you tell them, Ben?

-I told them I'd have to think about it.

Well, you two aren't gonna try

that long-distance thing, are you?

That never works.

Look, if I don't accept their offer,

I'll have to leave the fiirm.

I've been with them

for 1 5 years, Robert.

Immediate clean-up, aisle three.

Aisle three clean-up

immediately, please.

Daddy will always be your father.

- Ben will be your stepfather.

- Like in Cinderella?

Kind of. Except that Ben

is really nice.

-And we're all gonna live happily ever--

-What are you saying?

Your career's more important

than my career? Let me

just tell you one thing, Ben.

Moving to New York is not an option.

What am I gonna do?

Sell pretzels from a pushcart?

Robert, don't get upset.

Itjust happened.

- We haven't fiigured everything out yet.

- I didn't even say

I was gonna do it.

- Yeah, but you didn't say you weren't.

- Can we please take this outside?

- Christ!

- Sam, come on, please. Help me unload.

- Will you move it along?

- Robert!

Move!

I'll tell you one thing.

You're not taking Sam.

- Take me where, Daddy?

- Robert.

The cement capital

ofthe United States, Sam.

- I don't want to go

to the cement capital ofthe Uni--

- Robert!

- You're telling me.

- Robert, that's it.

You wanna talk about this

right now? Huh?

You got some incredible burning need,

fiine, but we are not gonna do it

in front ofSam.

- Come on, Sam.

- See what you did? You just upset, Sam.

- What are you talking about?

- This is all your fault. Everything

wasjust fiine till you came along.

- Everything was not fiine!

- Listen, no one's trying

to take anything away from you.

- Wejust wanna fiigure out

what makes sense.

- Well, me and Sam,

we have our home here.

We have our lives here.

Ifyou're so unhappy--

I've never been happier in my life!

You're the one that's unhappy!

- No, no, no, no.

We made an arrangement.

- Has it ever occurred--

We made an arrangement to put

this kid fiirst, come what may...

- but you just want to throw it

all away on a whim!

- Ben is not a whim!

- Oh, yeah?

- Hasn't it occurred to you

that we could work something out?

- Come on, Sam. Let's go.

- What do you thinkyou're doing?

- Gonna walk home.

- Look, you're not walking.

- It's only six blocks. I just

can't be with you guys right now.

- Robert! Sammy, come back here.

Robert!

- We're gonna race you home, Mommy.

- Good. Perfect.

- Sammy!

- Come on, come on.

Faster, faster, faster.

I hate childproofcaps.

I told you, Robert.

I told you at the very beginning.

You should have insisted upon getting

married. Then you would have rights.

Look what happened to me.

I have rights now. They're not

going anywhere. Full stop. The end.

You need to talk to an attorney.

Just a consultation.

- A couple hundred bucks.

Know where you stand.

- I know where I stand, David. Trust me.

- I'm not gonna see an attorney.

- I'll bet she is.

Stupid pills. I can't even

tell ifthey're working.

So stop taking them, and ifyou die,

you'll know they work.

Yeah. Better safe

than sorry, you mean.

Mm-hmm. Better safe than sorry.

Go talk to a lawyer.

Abbie?

Abbie?

Those are good arguments, Robert.

You're the biological father,

and obviously you're a caring person.

You've been involved.

We've got a decent chance atjoint

custody, and ifwe can get that...

we'll be able to keep her

from leaving the state with Sam.

Now, the fact that you're gay

isn't gonna help us...

and ifthis goes to court, we better

hope for a sympatheticjudge...

and I could tell you right now

there aren't many ofthem.

Uh, are there any grounds

on which you can demonstrate...

that Ms Reynolds

is a bad mother?

- No.

- Can she, uh, and Mr Cooper...

provide a roofover Sam's head?

- Mm-hmm.

- Does she have a drinking problem?

- No.

- Drug problem?

- No.

- Is she a smoker?

Smoking's grounds for custody?

There's a case in Massachusetts right

now testing the waters. You never know.

No, l, uh, I made her

give up ten years ago. Idiot.

All righty, let's see.

Uh, is she promiscuous?

- No.

- Abusive?

- Uh-uh.

- Mentally unstable?

- No.

- Emotionally unstable?

Well, not until now.

Hey. Why are you awake?

I was thinking about Daddy.

Yeah?

What were you thinkin'?

You know when I get a stomachache,

and you make me tea and toast?

Yeah.

Well, if Dad gets

a stomachache...

who's gonna make him

tea and toast?

When Daddy gets sick

or when I get sick...

we make our own tea and toast,

because we're grown-ups.

- It's not the same.

- No, I know.

It isn't the same.

Daddy's fiine.

He doesn't have a stomachache.

I'm afraid that Daddy doesn't know

that I love him.

Oh, honey,

Daddy knows you love him.

Ifyou like, you can call him

in the morning and you can tell him.

- Would you like that?

- Yeah.

- Can I sleep with you a little while?

- Mm, yeah.

Okay.

- I love you, Mommy.

- What, baby?

I love you, Mommy.

- But I love Daddy too.

- I know.

Can I come in?

I got the summons.

Well, I assumed

you already had a toaster.

Please don't go

through with this.

- You gave me no choice.

- You scared me.

Why? What do you think

I was gonna do?

Something crazy,

like kidnap Sam before you did?

I had to. The situation wasjust

becoming too unhealthy for him.

Unhealthy for Sam,

or inconvenient foryou and Ben?

You know what Ben means to me.

Why can't you just give me this chance?

Why? Why should l?

Because you love me.

I love Sam.

Look, why can't we

just fiind a solution.

- So you do what you want.Just bring

Sam back, or the courts will.

- No.

- That's not what my lawyer says.

- No, they won't.

She says I have a good chance.

I have legal rights.

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