The Night Before Page #11

and I got to say...

that we should not be having this baby!

But get rid of this f***ing baby!

Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere!

Put it in a basket

and push it down a f***ing river!

- Are you laughing?

- This is hilarious.

- C*nt!

- Did you just call our baby a c*nt?

I forgot about that.

Okay, I can't watch anymore.

But honestly, I'm a little relieved.

- You are?

- Are you kidding me!

I feel like such a dumb a**hole

compared to you sometimes.

It's all been a lie. It's all been a front,

because I'm f***ing freaking out.

It's all just been to compensate

for the fact that I don't know anything.

This is good. You need to let it out.

This is good?

Yes. You need to not bottle it up.

One of us has to be not freaking out.

- I'm actually okay.

- Really?

All of a sudden I was just thinking

about everything you've been saying...

about how strong we are,

and how we can handle it.

And that made me feel better.

Really?

Yeah. I really feel like I can do this.

Look at me.

- I'm your rock.

- You're my rock?

I'm Dwayne.

I get to have sex

with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

I love you, Isaac.

I love you, dragon.

Betsy.

Did you say "Dragon Betsy"?

I'm gonna keep being honest.

I'm tripping my f***ing balls off still,

and you look like a dragon right now.

- I do?

- Yeah.

Is that scary?

It's intense.

Let's just go. Can we just go?

Let's just go.

That's nice.

What is it?

Couldn't have been easy to tell me that.

It's not gonna be easy

to tell the world either.

Guess we gonna lose the park, huh?

F*** that park. It got crackheads.

Say the grace, boy.

Yes, ma'am.

Heavenly Father, thank you

for this food we're about to receive.

Thank you for my momma.

Thank you for my friends

and their families.

- Hi.

- Really?

Are you gonna propose to me again?

- No.

- Are you sure?

I just wanted to talk to you.

And I have something to tell you...

and I wanna tell it on Christmas.

If that's all right? So...

it can't wait. Can you just

come out here for a sec and we'll talk...

and then I'll go. I promise.

Okay. Fine.

What?

First of all, I'm sorry about last night.

- I know that was stupid.

- Yeah.

And it was totally crazy

that I wouldn't meet your parents.

That was just me being really....

Yeah. I agree with that.

But I guess I was...

I don't know, scared...

because Chris and Isaac have been

my family for the last 10 years...

so I didn't wanna meet your family...

because that would change everything.

But everything changes, right?

We all grow up...

and that's a good thing,

I wanna grow up. I do.

I wanna grow up with you.

And I do wanna have a family...

other than two dudes.

But I want that family to....

I want it to be you.

Which is probably worse than proposing...

because now we're talking

about you bearing my children.

Yeah. It's a lot.

But just pretend I'm saying it right,

if you could.

I'd rather be the guy, from now on...

who says too much than not enough.

If we're being honest,

I should apologize to you also...

for stalking you, a little bit.

I knew that you were gonna be

at that bar last night.

You pretended

like that was just coincidence.

I did. And also...

if we're confessing things...

I do ask Betsy about you.

Kind of all the time.

She doesn't let on.

I know. Because she's my friend.

I ask her about you every time I see her.

Oh, I know.

She tells me every time you ask.

She doesn't tell me that you ask her.

She's a girl. That's how it works.

Can I come in?

In here?

- This is my parents' house.

- I know.

I thought that you didn't do parents.

I'll do your parents.

Wow. Nice.

Don't do my dad doggy-style.

He's got very bad knees.

He's an old man now.

All right.

- Hey.

- Yo.

I kind of wanna kiss you...

but maybe not so soon

after saying I would do your parents.

Come have sex

with my mother and my father.

I thought you were saying,

"Come have sex."

With my mother and also my father.

She won't sleep.

- Can we try?

- Are you sure?

Showtime. Let's do it.

Thank you.

Hey, sweetie.

This is the best.

Come here, little sweetie.

Come here.

Come here, sweetie.

Look who it is. Who are these guys?

Look at that.

Who are these guys here?

- Should we do it?

- Yeah, do it.

That's good. Wow.

How was that for a Christmas story?

That was nice!

That was some sh*t!

Sh*t happened!

Things went down!

Lessons were learned.

Friends are important,

but relationships evolve.

I'm so glad Ethan and Diana

ended up together.

I hope he get her pregnant.

I'd like to give a special shout-out

to my seed...

for killing it again this Christmas.

Best I ever did it!

Sh*t, Pop. Thanks.

Thanks for noticing.

Right now, let the after-party begin!

DJ Kevy Kev!

Let's turn it up!

Turn it up, now! Holla!

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