The Night of the Iguana Page #7

What were the circumstances

of the first offense?

Fornication?

A very young Sunday school teacher asked

to see me, privately, in my study and...

...well, she...

She declared herself

to me, wildly.

A declaration of love?

Don't make fun of me, Miss Jelkes.

I wasn't.

I was the damnedest prig

in those days that you can imagine.

I said to this girl, I said,

"Let us kneel down and pray together."

And we did, we knelt.

And then all of sudden, the...

...kneeling position turned

into a reclining position.

The next day, she cut herself with

her father's straight blade razor.

- Fatally?

- No, no, no.

Thanks to a Band-Aid.

But it made a scandal.

Yes, I imagine that it

caused some comment.

Yes, it did, it did that.

The next Sunday when I saw those smug,

accusing, disapproving faces uplifted...

...I had a sudden urge to shock.

And I shocked them.

I chased them out of the church.

And what was the upshot of it?

They put me in a nice little private

asylum to recover from...

...a complete nervous breakdown.

That's the way they put it.

And then when I got out I...

I entered this line.

"Tours of God's world,

conducted by a minister of God."

To quote the pamphlet.

But on the side...

...Shannon has been collecting evidence.

- Evidence of what?

- Man's inhumanity to God.

- What do you mean by that?

- The pain we cause him.

We've poisoned his atmosphere.

We've slaughtered

his creatures of the wild.

We've polluted his rivers.

We've even taken

God's noblest creation, man...

...and brainwashed him into becoming

our own product, not God's.

Hacked, stacked and canned.

Am I...?

Am I moving too much?

No, of course not.

Mr. Shannon?

What do you do if...?

If what?

If Miss Fellowes has her way?

And gets me fired?

Yes, what do you do then?

Well, I either go back

to the church, or I...

I take the long swim.

- It's right out there.

- What is?

China.

- Was that the luncheon gong?

- Chow will be ready in a half-hour.

How you feeling, Miss Peebles, honey?

A bit better?

- Thank you, I think I am.

- How about a little drink?

- That won't hurt you.

- Well...

You look like the den mother.

How about you, Miss Fellowes?

Thank you, we'll just sit here

and wait until lunch is ready.

Miss Fellowes, honey.

I know you got a beef or two.

But why don't you just relax

with a little complimentary rum-coco?

Save them for your friend, Mr. Shannon.

I don't imbibe.

Then how about a little pot?

I don't usually serve it to my guests...

...but you look like

you need something special.

May I see?

I'm just a quick sketch artist,

Mr. Shannon.

Not very talented.

Are my eyes as wild as this?

Yes, they are, Mr. Shannon.

I have fever.

- What gives with you two?

- What do you mean, what gives?

I mean, am I butting in here?

Is three a crowd?

No, indeed, not a bit.

What are you covering up there?

Let me see.

What are you drawing him for?

He's broker than you are.

Perhaps you'd like to keep it,

Mrs. Faulk.

Thanks a hell of a lot, honey,

but one of him is enough.

- Who wants a drink?

- Nothing for me, thank you.

Just as well. You're in to me

for the rooms and meals.

- A little whiskey makes no difference.

- Lay off.

And you go to hell, why don't you!

Mr. Shannon, Mrs. Faulk.

This is childish.

Stop it at once. It's disgraceful!

It's disgraceful.

- Mrs. Faulk, you must realize...

- I realize you're a deadbeat.

Using that dying old man as a front...

...to get you into places when you

ain't got cash for one day in advance.

You're dragging him around

like a Chinese beggar...

...dragging around crippled children

to put the touch on the tourists.

I shall go into town.

And I shall set up my easel in the plaza...

...and I shall peddle my watercolors,

and sketch tourists.

I am not a weak person, Mrs. Faulk.

My failure here is not typical of me.

- I'm not a weak person either, honey.

- Oh, no, indeed.

- Your strength is awe-inspiring.

- You bet your...

How you going into town,

when you ain't got cab fare?

I shall go on shanks' mare, Mrs. Faulk.

I'm Nantucket born and bred.

Islanders are good walkers.

I shall pack our things.

And I shall put my grandfather

into his wheelchair...

...and push him back down this hill

to the road, all the way into town.

He would prefer that

to staying where he is not wanted.

And I would prefer it for him

and for myself, Mrs. Faulk.

All right, calm down.

- I am perfectly calm, Mrs. Faulk.

- Well, I'm not.

That's the trouble.

The trouble is Shannon.

- I caught the vibrations between you two.

- Mrs. Faulk.

I'm a New England spinster

who is pushing 40.

Well, who the hell isn't?

I'm good at catching vibrations.

And there were vibrations between you,

mutual vibrations, the minute you got here.

And just that, believe me, is enough

to put me in a lather.

And don't ask me why.

Look at him.

Broke, spooked, as good as fired.

Those are only his circumstances,

Mrs. Faulk...

...not the man himself.

- Well, anyhow.

Forget what I said, honey.

I wasn't sore at you,

I was sore at Shannon.

And still the ripe fruit and the branch

- Observe the sky begin to blanch

- I'll fix old Gramps a toddy.

- Old folks need it, need a toddy.

- Without a cry...

That's very kind of you.

I'll make him a Manhattan

with two cherries in it.

So he'll live through lunch.

Charlotte.

- Charlotte!

- What's eating her now?

Charlotte. Girls! Charlotte!

What's the trouble now, Miss Fellowes?

Charlotte. Have you seen her?

She's disappeared.

Charlotte.

- Charlotte!

- Charlotte.

- Charlotte.

- Now be calm, Miss Fellowes.

Tell us quietly what has happened.

She didn't come to luncheon. Her room

was empty, and she's not in my room.

I don't know what's happened.

She doesn't answer.

- Let's find her. Charlotte.

- Charlotte.

Charlotte.

- More.

- No more.

No more, I say.

Stop it.

- Seorita, go home.

- I have no home.

Go home, I say.

Take your dollars with you.

I'm a rich man.

I do not want your dollars.

I do not want you dancing to my music.

- More music.

- No more music.

Seorita, we do not want our sons

to know that young girls can be like you.

I won't go back up there.

Put me down. Let me go!

Attaboy, Hank.

Give it to them!

Hit them.

Knock them down.

Attaboy, hit them.

Yeah, hit them again.

Yeah, give it to them, Hank.

Come on, hit them.

Come on, Hank.

Knock them down! Knock them out!

Yeah, come on, Hank, give it to them.

Come on, Hank!

Oh, Hank, you saved me.

You're so brave.

My hero. Oh, Hank, take me home.

I mean home.

I'll tell Daddy it was you who saved me.

Daddy, he loves me.

He'll do anything to thank you.

I wonder if any of you ladies

would be interested in seeing...

...some samples of my work?

This one is entitled:

Moonlight Recollected by Daylight.

And here, here is a character sketch

that I did in less than five minutes.

The queen, when she was Princess

Elizabeth, on a tour of Africa years ago.

I couldn't get very close, of course.

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