The Night We Never Met Page #6

consumer-obsessed, color-blind,

white-bread-eating man-child

trapped in a pudgy body

having an affair?!

I don't think so!

You are talking about

my husband-to-be.

I have never actually met him.

I'm just piecing it together

from clues.

Well, he's having an affair.

You're gonna marry him.

You have to sleep with him.

From what I can tell,

he uses this place

as a clubhouse.

It's some kind of tree house

for him and his fraternity friends.

They're brokers.

Sue me.

I thought that he was

having an affair.

Lady, is it possible

that you're being

sexually paranoid?

Who would sleep

with this palooka?

A painter.

Ellen?

Twice a week for months.

How do you know?

The neighbors.

I don't even have to

know the woman,

and she betrays me.

You're in love with her, too.

This is disgusting.

Calm down, lady.

I don't even know her.

We wrote each other

a few notes.

I built a window box

for a basil plant.

She went nuts on me.

Well, I'm gonna kill him.

And the wedding's off.

Shut up.

You're upset.

Your feelings are hurt.

Try to keep some perspective.

You love this guy.

Have you eaten?

I thought I did.

You love him...

So if you want him back,

you'll get him back...

Just as long as you

don't freak out.

Sex is a little bit like politics.

The incumbent always

has the advantage.

How romantic.

When something

like this happens,

the best thing you can do

is just accept it.

If you try to make him do something

that he doesn't want to do, he'll resent it.

And it'll come up later somehow.

Did you cook this?

Look, all that i'm saying is...

you can't change somebody...

not overnight.

If you take away his freedom,

he'll feel it... choked.

That's probably why he kept this

apartment in the first place.

If you let him choose,

he'll choose you.

Boy, Sam, I'll bet you're really

good at relationships.

Me?

A genius.

Mmm.

This is really good.

Thank you.

Do you have wine?

Yeah, sure.

Brian, you're awake.

We need to talk.

It's okay.

We don't have to talk.

We're both a little jumpy

these days,

and, uh...

I think it's only natural.

Shh. Uh-oh.

Here he comes.

So, uh, if you could tell

Mr. Jameson

we can, uh, do a lunch

at, uh, 2:
00 at Raul's.

Cut it off! Cut it off!

Cut it off!

Huh!

Whoo-whoo-whoo!

Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy!

Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy!

Well...

guys, you've, uh...

really outdone yourselves

this time.

This is really, uh...

thoughtless.

Mrs. Winkler,

could you dispose of this?

A - and also,

I... I think it's time we got...

rid of the lion's den.

So notify the tenants.

Ellen?

Sorry.

Thanks.

Thanks for the rush.

I got a really big night

on the town tonight.

Oh, yeah, you want

to take my wife?

She likes big nights

out on the town.

Right, Marty?

Uh...

All right, thanks.

Hi.

Hi.

I spilled some wine.

I'm afraid it's ruined.

Hi, Aaron.

Hi, Suzanne.

How are you?

Good.

You are so lucky to have him.

Anyway, it's, uh...

I think it'll come out.

No one will notice.

You see how she thinks, Marty?

Ellen, this is silk.

Don't listen to her promises.

We can touch it up. It won't go away.

He's so honest.

Thank you.

See you.

Bye.

Ellen, if it's ruined,

tell them it's ruined.

My wife...

thinks she can fix everything.

Everything can be fixed.

Oh! I knew we should have

taken Northern Boulevard.

Aaron, it happens.

We took a wrong turn,

and we're stuck in traffic.

Right. Right.

Fast.

Right?

Right, fast.

It's moving now.

All right.

Move.

All right!

Right Le...

No, you missed it.

You missed it.

Oh, this is great.

I told you the right lane.

you don't listen.

You're so stupid.

Why don't you

let me drive?

Now what?

You want to drive?

Drive.

Fellas, fellas, fellas,

it's a private party.

Get bent, man.

I think you're a cowboy...

Samuel, one codependents

anonymous meeting, just one.

Look what it's done for me.

Sh*t!

Uh-oh!

Club-soda stain.

Better get a little red wine.

It'll lift that club soda

right out of there.

Pastel.

Oh, Sammy!

Sammy!

How the hell are you?

Oh, do you have my VCR tape?

Oh, jeez, I... I didn't know

that you were gonna be at the

gallery, so I didn't bring it.

But I have it,

and I'm sure that I can get it

to you some other time.

Aah!

I'm over her.

You're better off.

What?

You're better off.

Yeah.

Uh, come, Sammy.

Let's dance.

Oh. I don't know if...

Aah! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Excuse me.

Ow!

Come. come, come, come, come.

Come on.

Come, come.

I'm kind of drunk, Pastel.

I don't think this is a good idea.

Yes, it is.

Bark, bark.

Come on.

Whoo!

Pastel, you can't do this.

Why not?

Come on, stop.

Uh...

No, no, no.

Get up. You can't...

Get up.

Ooh-whee!

You can't keep

picking people up

and using them whenever

you want to.

Oh!

Since when?

Sammy, why are you

so serious?

Pastel.

Just cut the sh*t, Pastel!

It's enough!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Oh!

Goodbye, Pastel.

Bye... everybody.

It's been a great party.

See you, kids.

Bye.

Oh, merci.

It's okay.

So I'm alone now.

Lots of people are alone,

and they love it.

Hermits are alone.

Mass murderers.

Postal clerks.

It's not so bad.

At least I've got the place.

The hearth.

The sanctuary.

Hmm.

"Eviction notice.

"Amigos...

"our noble experiment

has come to an end.

"Thanks for sharing with me.

Brian.

P.S. please have all your

stuff out by monday. "

"Thanks for sharing with me. "

Oh, great.

Just great.

One day left...

No girl.

No food.

No brandy.

Inga!

I should pack.

Oh, forget it.

Go to sleep.

In the morning...

everything...

is going to look a lot worse.

Ah.

F***.

Hey.

Excuse me.

Who are you?

What are you doing here?

I'm sorry.

My grandmother made this.

It's nice.

I...

I use it when I'm here.

Oh, great.

Do you also read my mail?

Look, I'm sorry.

I... I... I... I was...

I was stuck in the city,

and I... I tried to call my sister,

and she wasn't home, and then I didn't

have anyplace else to go, so I...

Save it, save it, save it.

I'm Ellen.

Oh...

You're Ellen...

the crazy painter lady

who yelled at me

because I put your basil plant

in a window box

that I built all by myself.

No, no, you see, I thought

Brian made the boxes and...

Brian's the guy who treated

your plants like dirt,

so you slept with him.

I'm the guy who left the notes

and leftovers

and did stuff around the house,

so you treated me like dirt.

That's not fair.

Are you crazy?

I know it's not fair.

It's what you did.

Yeah, well, you're not...

get mad at me about it.

Listening to me.

Why don't men ever listen?

Go away.

Come in.

Who is it?

Who is this clown?

Dartmouth, class of '84.

Dartmouth, class of '84.

Brian, meet Sam...

the woman-hater.

Oh, hey.

Nice to meet you.

Sorry to burst in on you

two lovebirds, but, uh...

Forgot my tux.

Ahh.

I don't want to keep my little

girl waiting at the altar,

you know what I mean?

Hey, can you tie this?

Yeah, sure. why not?

Oh, thanks.

Anything he says...

see what I mean?

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