The Nightmare Page #3

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are two anthropomorphic...

Kind of, beings, I guess.

Uh, best word to describe them.

I still remember them vividly

because It's actually

my first memory.

So in a way,

It's kind of

my awakening into the world.

Dark.

They always

just look so cartoony.

I've tried to draw them before,

and it just looks so goofy.

It just doesn't have, uh,

the same malevolent impact.

And their skin, um,

was like television static.

Um, you know, it had,

you know...

like an old TV,

when the signal's...

when you're not getting

a good signal.

It had that same kind of

texture,

that kind of...

they were tall, kind of thin,

these kind of thin limbs

and these long fingers.

And they had

these very simple faces,

almost cartoonish faces of,

you know,

these two inky eyes

and this big inky smile

on their face that's kind of...

It's tickling, tickling,

tickling fingers,

these, like, long, slender...

they were laughing.

And here's my little feet,

you know.

They were tickling me.

And, you know, I was paralyzed.

I couldn't move,

and I couldn't stop them.

And they were laughing about it.

There was kind of like laughter.

Like, ah-ha-ha.

They were, like, there,

you know?

And bars,

these two anthropomorphic

things, the windows.

You know,

according to my parents...

but I kept on repeating

the words "zines."

Like, z-I-n-e-s,

over and over again

in like kind of a panic.

Kind of like,

"zines, zines, zines,"

you know, like,

hanging on to them.

And so maybe as a child,

you know,

seeing these kind

of anthropomorphic

sort of not human but human...

uh...

So I wouldn't sleep

in my crib again.

My parents tried

to put me in my crib,

and I just wouldn't do it.

I would just scream and scream

and scream and scream

and scream.

I made this

as a Halloween costume

some years ago.

Now you're staring

into my childhood right now.

I don't know.

Is it scary?

Did you seek any medical help?

No, because I didn't think

I was going crazy.

I knew what I was experiencing

was real.

I didn't want someone else

to come and tell me,

"well, no, that's not real."

Did you seek any kind of help?

Did you try to do anything

to keep it from happening?

Did I get an exorcist?

No, I did a Google search.

I got on the Internet very early

compared to most people,

in about '94 maybe.

I'm totally guessing.

'94, '95.

And one of the very

first things I looked up,

was "the shadowman"

and "nightmare."

And from there,

in the search engines,

it wasn't very far down

the page... sleep paralysis.

I was like, wait,

sleep frozen, sleep paralysis.

And I called my mom up

right away.

I said, "Oh, my gosh, mom,

It's sleep paralysis."

That's what they call it.

It's a thing."

She was very excited, too,

and she wanted to understand

more about it because she felt

that maybe something medical

could be done

so that we no longer had it.

Because when the scientists

figure it out,

they figure out a medicine

to go with it, right?

So we felt that we would

actually have answers

and medication or something

to make it better.

I called a doctor

and made an appointment

and came in, and explained

to them what was going on,

and my doctor said...

she was kind of concerned

that maybe I was having seizures

while I was sleeping.

So she set me up for a cat scan,

an eeg and all that.

So I went in for those,

and my results

for the cat scan were normal,

but the eeg came back with...

said I had abnormal results.

That's all she said.

"You have

some abnormal readings."

"You have sleep paralysis.

It's just caused by stress."

So If you just make

some lifestyle changes,

"it'll go away."

Well, you get a cut-and-paste

answer from doctors,

"you're stressed.

Change your lifestyle,"

without asking

what your lifestyle is.

There's no answer.

It's just a dismissal of...

basically, they don't know.

And If they don't know,

then they don't...

they don't care.

Every time I would talk

to a psychiatrist, I'd be like,

"I'm having this sleep problem.

This is what happens.

This what it feels like."

They'd be like, "okay, okay.

Tell me about, like, you know,

how are you doing at home?"

And I would always try to be

like, "no, no, no",

let's talk about this hideous

sleep problem I have."

She seemed really interested.

She sort of leans in.

And she's like,

"It's not sleep apnea."

And I was like, "I know that."

And she just said,

"that's really messed up."

I remember, like,

the following night

after it would happen,

I'd lay in bed being so scared

that it was gonna happen again.

And then, most assuredly,

it would happen again

'cause I was thinking about it

and obsessing about it.

Like, when I'd go through

these dry spells,

basically,

where I wasn't having it,

If I started telling somebody

about it,

then it was, like,

almost 100% guaranteed

that I was gonna

have it that night.

This is in

our college apartment.

- Okay.

- So, I was here.

I had my bed right here...

And then my roommate

was right here.

And the blobs...

I saw these black blobs...

I could see them.

Blobs of black,

coming onto my bed.

And I could see my roommate,

just in the corner over there,

and I was trying

to scream her name

so that she could help me.

And she's sleeping away,

and I'm straining to talk.

And nothing can come out.

I'm a diver,

and I've experienced...

well, been close to death

quite a few times.

I'm a deep diver,

but nothing's as terrifying,

as what happens,

and I have it once

or twice a week.

When I was about 10

is when it started to happen,

every single solitary day

of my life.

Nobody ever really took me

entirely seriously, you know,

even though

I was a petrified little boy,

you know, terrified to be alone,

hated my bedroom,

hated the room below my bedroom,

and had sleep paralysis

probably every night.

You know,

had voices talking to me

in the sleep paralysis,

very abusive experiences.

Hey, forrest.

- Hey, forrest.

- Hey, forrest.

You just won the

giant insect of the month club.

Insect of the month club.

We're sending your first prize

up to your bedroom right now.

You know, and again,

it goes back to the fact that,

you know, because it wasn't

like a real experience...

If somebody had come

into my bedroom,

and some creepy guy was

whispering to me every night,

you know,

my parents would definitely

have done something about it,

but the farthest they went

was kind of being like,

"well, maybe we should take him

to a psychologist? No."

I was trying to fall asleep.

I felt this overwhelming

pressure come over me.

And my breathing just stopped.

My body was trying

to kind of tell me,

"I'm gonna kill myself now.

And you have the option

to stop that."

If I want to continue

to breathe,

I have to actively override

whatever else is going on.

I have two options...

either try to break free

of the paralysis

or I breathe.

You know, that was

kind of the beginning,

and that was the beginning

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