The Ninth Configuration Page #5

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eensy push, and the kid's gone! Bananas! Whacked out!

So his unconscious mind makes

him do what keeps him sane...

...namely acting like he's nuts!

See 'Cause acting crazy...

...is a way to let off steam; a way to

get rid of your f***ing aggression. A way

to get rid of your fears and your terrors...

If I did what Hamlet does in this play,

they'd lock me up; they'd put me in prison.

They'll punish me, sure!

But him? Prince Royal Garbagemouth

gets away with murder. And why?

Because nuts are not responsible!

Meantime, the crazier Hamlet acts...

the more he indulges himself,

the healthier he gets!

- Yes. I think...

- I'm waiting.

I think I agree with your theory.

Yes! There!

You see? You understand that now,

you dumb stupid idiot?

From now on, we do the scene my way!

Come on, Sir Lawrence.

God bless your veins and your arteries, Colonel.

Sir Lawrence,

you don't know sh*t...

Did he buy it?

Did he buy it?

Hell, I bought it.

Billy, I think there is something wrong with us.

Groper, get off the line.

The Hamlet theory is correct.

Hello, coLonel Kane here.

Get me Captain Pendelton.

Yes, the Quartermaster's office.

Thank you.

We'll need some supplies.

What for?

We're going to indulge the men.

...just like the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?

Would you care to enter a comment

on the frog-man suit...

... or the German Gestapo uniforms?

You'll pick the uniforms...

Sure, go ahead...

Oh, I see.

They want tp play

"Great Escape".

And tunnels 1 and 2 are decoys.

Jesus.

- Some weather we are having...

- Jesus.

You are out of uniform.

Jesus.

Out, take a hike. Out!

And tell your stupid agent never

to waste any more of my time!

Can you imagine? Look at that!

Here I am casting Julius Caesar,

and what do they send me?

A dog that lisps.

Spinell, out. Get out.

You too Nammack.

Get out now, get lost.

Gimme a reason.

One good reason.

Colonel, do me a favor? Please?

Explain to this moron here that in none

of the plays of Shakespeare...

...can there be a part for Superman.

There could be, the way I explained it.

The way you explained! Jesus!

You know what he wants? You want to hear?

When the conspirators draw their knives,

he wants to rescue Julius Caesar!

Ready? Swoop down like a rocket, pick him

up and go hurdling mighty temples in one

single, incredible bound!

Jesus, Nammack. Are you crazy?

Gentlemen, who put the flies in my paint palette?

Bananas!

Krebs!

Next.

Starlet. Look at this!

Did you bring any photographs, honey?

Jesus.

Go talk to your brother,

I think he has 'The Falling Sickness'.

Put your head up.

- I'm going to the roof.

- Let go of my stethoscope please.

Will these people be staying for dinner?

The cook is fixing Mexican.

He wants to know how many.

I can't get this...the man just threw up.

I gotta go check on him.

Dr. Fromme, can I talk to you please?

She bit me.

I told her she was lousy and she bit me.

Maybe, I ought to use penguins.

You here that, dammit?

You can be replaced.

The atoms in water have manners.

Look. There he is.

Our heavenly shrink.

You are ours and ours alone and no one else's.

- Hip, hip...!

- Hurray!

Colonel, what are you holding...?

- Colonel, what are you...?

- Jesus! it is...

Colonel, why do I have to wear this?

What?

I said why do I have to wear this?

Its psychodrama, major.

Roleplay.

A standard tool for therapy.

The inmates are playing the role of Allied prisoners of war,

attemping to tunnel their way through freedom.

We are their captors.

Bullshit,

we're their prisoners!

A bunch of yellow-bellied goof-offs

out there havin' a ball.

Why should I have to help their fun,

I'm not a psychiatrist!

Its a goddam chicken-sh*t crazy idea.

Jesus! Jesus Crist, man!

Why don't you love somebody just a little!

Why don't you help somebody! Help them!

help! For the love of Christ!!

You green-soaked caterpillar-torturing bastard!

You're going to wear that uniform,

sleep in it, bathe in it.

Try to take it off and you'll die in it!

Is that clear!

I claim this swamp for Poland!

Major Groper, please get out of here.

Immediately!

And keep that uniform clean.

The man has a flag-fetish.

Now, then Major Strasser.

Tomorrow night we're switching roles.

You'll be the inmates and we'll be the guards.

Here, study your part for tomorrow night's interrogation.

Notice, incidentally, that you'll crack on page 3.

Yes.

Who are you?

Who are you?

You're too human to be human.

I don't know.

Maybe you're P.T. Barnum.

P.T. Barnum slaughtered lambs.

He put up a cage of side shows...

...and he stuck in a panther and a lamb together.

And there was never any trouble.

Huddy, the public just went lollipops.

Look, a panther and a lamb and they don't even argue!

They don't even discuss!

But Hud,

what the public never knew...

...was that it was never the same lamb.

That f***ing panther ate up a lamb every single

day at intermission for three hundred days,

and then they shot him for asking for mint sauce.

Animals are innocent.

Why should they suffer?

Why should children suffer?

Will you tell me?

Why should any baby have to suffer and die?

Why should men?

Oh, come on now.

Don't try that thing on me.

You've got answers for it.

Like:
"Pain makes people noble"

And how could man be more than a

talking, tennis playing panda bear...

...if there weren't at least the

possibility of suffering?

But what about animals, Hud?

Does pain make turkeys noble?

Why is all of creation based on dog eat dog,

and the little fish are eaten by the big fish?

Animals screaming in pain.

Our creation an open wound, a f***ing slaughterhouse!

- We've talked about that.

- Not enough!

We said 'The original sin' might be the cause.

Then why doesn't the Foot just

come down and tell us?

Is Foot running short of tablets of stone?

My Uncle Eddie owns a quarry;

I can get them for him wholesale.

You're asking for miracles.

I'm asking Foot to either

sh*t or get off the pot.

Diarrhetic strange Gods have

been waiting in the line!

Maybe God cannot interfere in our affairs.

So I noticed.

Maybe He can't because to do so

will spoil his plans for the future.

Some evolution of man and the world

that's so unthinkably beautiful...

...that its's worth all the pain of

every suffering thing that ever lived.

I say it's spinach and to hell with it.

You're convinced that God is dead

because there's evil in the world.

Correct.

Then why don't you think He's alive

because of the goodness in the world?

- What goodness?

- Every where! In man.

- You're commendable.

- If we're nothing but atoms...

molecular structures no different

in kind from this desk or that pen,

Then we ought to always be rushing

irresestibly blindly...

...to our own selfish ends?

So how is it that there is love in this world?

I mean love as a God might love.

- And a man will give his life for another.

- Never happened.

Ofcourse it's happened.

- Give me an example.

- Happens all the time.

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