The Nothing Men

1

(Mellow music)

(Mellow music)

(Ominous music)

(Ominous music)

(Motor running)

(Drilling)

(Drilling)

(Soft music)

(Soft music) (Machine noise)

(Machine noise)

(Soft music)

(Soft music)

(Machine noise)

(Soft music)

(Buzzing)

(Ticking)

(Ticking)

(Ticking)

(Ticking)

(Ticking)

(Ticking)

Oh come on. Somebody f***ing

bet.

Alright, I'm thinking. I know

when you got a good hand.

Grow some balls kid.

F*** you.

Want your mommy bring you some

tissues tomorrow?

Get mommy to pack some for you.

Leave my mother out of it.

At least I'm not trying to look like her.

What's that supposed to mean?

That's why you grew that mustache,

so you can look like your mother.

F***ing hilarious.

Simon. Smoke that sh*t near the

window. Man, it stinks.

What did I tell you about smoking that

crap in there. You f***ing go outside.

If they find out, you can kiss

the redundancy goodbye.

So what man. If it happens, it

happens.

If it does happen, we will all

get in the sh*t

and none of us will get our money, and

then I'll chop off your f***ing manhood

and turn you into a girl you

little f***ing junkie prick.

How will you do that? Have a look around.

We're in a workshop.

Plenty of sharp instruments.

I've been looking for something

to hang from my rearview mirror.

Oh you just want to play with them, you

f***ing fag. I'm not a f***ing fag.

You always say that just because I don't

have a girlfriend. It doesn't mean I'm gay.

I'd love

to be in the arms of a

beautiful woman. Who wouldn't?

How would you feel if you

were some short, balding,

hairy little Italian dude, man.

(Puking noise)

(Laughter)

What's so funny? Nothing.

What does short, balding Italian

have to do with having a girlfriend?

Everything.

Grease, hairy back, smelly

breath.

Socks down the undies.

What do you mean, socks down

the undies?

I've been on modeling

assignments.

Oh here we go. I still get

work.

Modeling what? Long johns,

grandpa shirts. Shut up.

Bullshit.

I was backstage at this gig

once right?

Getting changed and this Italian bloke

just walks in. I mean, gold chains

slicked back hair.

His jeans are so tight he can hardly walk and

there's this bulge down the front of him.

I mean, you should've seen the size of it.

I'm talking horse genitals.

Bullshit. I never wear tight

jeans.

You don't wear tight jeans, but

you do have horse genitals.

I'm just saying that loverboy here

makes up stories because he's bored.

I'm not making anything up. Can

we please get on with this game.

I've been waiting for a chance.

Why do they put socks down

their pants?

We don't you drug f*** little

d*ckhead.

They put socks down their jeans

so chicks think

they got a huge cock with a big

bulge. Obvious.

They're stuffed aren't they?

Say, she's like impressed by it.

She takes him home. The pants

drop. The socks all fall out.

And she is left with four

little wrinkles and a knot.

Give you Italians a bad name.

How many times have I got to f***ing

tell you that that is f***ing bullshit!

Ooh.

We've all seen big bulge down your pants.

How many pairs you got down there?

Three pairs?

F*** off. You got a big sock drawer?

You got a sock drawer Vince?

(Laughter)

(Chatter)

(Chatter)

Speaking of horse genitals. Is

that all yours?

If you are a fag, your mate's

in trouble.

That will shut you up. If you

don't mind me,

I'm gonna take the little

monster here for a squirt.

(Zipping) Don't let it hit the water, Vince.

It'll be a tidal wave.

(Laughter)

(Ominous music)

(Ringing)

(Beep) Hello, six board Radundo

workers slowly going crazy.

Jack speaking.

Hey, Percy, how are you? Your

redundancy manager has come through.

You got two weeks to go.

You f***ing beauty. He's the

flip side.

There's a new bloke being transferred

to your workshop. Who is he?

Management won't tell me. I

know this much.

How many men?

Can't you find out who he is?

It wouldn't want to be.

Yeah right, Percy. Keep in

touch on this one, right.

OK. (Beep)

(Soft music)

(Chatter)

You don't drink. You don't

smoke.

Alright, I want to talk to your

blokes. Vince, unplug the hippy.

What man? Hey shut up!

Quiet! This is important.

That was Percy on the phone.

The good news is they're processed

our paperwork in two weeks

and we get our redundancy money and

we are out of here. (Cheering)

Thank god for that!

This has been the longest

six months of my life.

Feels like I was born here and haven't left.

Alright, I got some bad news.

As you know, the company has six workshops

statewide with workers made redundant.

One hundred and forty people.

Anyway, as of yesterday, twelve men

were fired from King's Grove workshop.

How can they be sacked if they're redundant?

Some were sacked for leaving

the premises during

working hours. Others for

drinking and gambling.

Sounds a bit like us, hey? Seems to

me that the counts are trying to

find legitimate ways to sack

people rather than pay them out.

This is bullshit.

I wanted to keep working but

they wouldn't let me.

We all did, Des, but supposing

there was an accident.

We would not only get our redundancy

payout, but we'd also get a huge

f***ing compo payout as well.

That's the last thing those pricks

in the head office want. Hold on.

So, they're paying us our

normal wage every week.

Just for sitting on our ass and

doing nothing.

Yet, they are purposely sacking

people to save money.

The company must be in some deep

financial sh*t. It appears so.

Now they're trying to make up

for it at the worker's expense.

Have they got all these

workshops under surveillance?

Percy seems to think that the

company has actually got spies in

the workshops which brings me

to the clincher.

There is a bloke being transferred

from the same workshop tomorrow.

He will be here for the

duration. From King's Grove?

Who is he?

I have no idea. Sounds very

much like a spy to me.

You've done a great job for the

company.

David, good luck at Berma

street workshop.

Thank you very much.

Mr. Henry.

Oh, I almost forgot. The

foreman's name is

Jack Simpson. Very well.

(Ominous music)

(Click)

There is no way that I'm

jeopardizing 180 grand. F*** that.

Fifteen years I've given.

Past six months, I've sat

down like some puppet just as

some greasy company ass could

come along and f*** it up.

No way.

We're talking about our future. He

might be one of us. I don't know.

And he might not be. Can't you

find out who he is?

Percy doesn't know.

All he knows is he's being transferred here

so he can be closer to home or something.

They want us to believe that?

There's no way he'll be able to

put up with you a**holes.

We're gonna lose it for sure man.

What about you? What about you?

How's he gonna put up with you

wincing every day.

Oh, don't mess my hair. I'm

modeling tonight.

You're the one that's a f***ing

fag.

If I was a f***ing fag, I

wouldn't go near you.

F*** you. Model prick! Virgin

wop!

(Laughter) What the f*** are

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