The Object of My Affection Page #4

George, would you consider

raising this baby with me?

Of course.

I'll be Uncle George.

You're never gonna get rid of me.

Actually, I was thinking

we should keep living together.

Like a family.

What about Vince?

Well, he's the father.

He'll always be in my baby's life.

But he's not home to me.

You are.

You can't do that to Vince.

George, my father married somebody wrong

because he thought it was good for me.

I can't do that to my kid. I...

Me and Vince and the baby -

it's a bad equation.

Jesus Christ, Nina. Vince is the father.

You should be with the father of your child.

Don't you see how exciting this could be?

You love children. You could raise a child.

I don't wanna marry Vince.

I don't have to marry Vince.

I don't wanna marry you.

George, I'm not proposing marriage.

We can make this up for ourselves.

None of the old rules apply.

It's getting late.

We should go.

Won't you even think about it?

Sure.

And I'm very...

You know.

- Hello?

- Nina, darling. We're right around the corner.

We've been to brunch at Norman Mailer's in

Brooklyn Heights so I thought we'd swing by.

- I have to go real bad!

- We're almost there.

She's thrilled.

F***! It's Constance.

That can't be them already.

- Hey!

- Unbelievable.

- Vince, you should have called.

- What good would that have done me?

- Sidney and Constance are coming.

- I got plenty for everybody. Is George here?

- Yes, he's here.

- Good. So the whole gang's together again.

- You look thin.

- I'm fine.

- We need to talk.

- We're talking!

Some more bread. We got the salami, that

prosciutto you love so much, the cheese...

We've got some herring and

we have some deliciously fresh mozzarella.

How many people were you expecting?

More people might've moved into the spare

room. I don't know. She doesn't talk to me.

Any more plates?

Why are Constance and Sidney coming?

I'll get it.

- George!

- Hey, it's the sea witch.

- Is there a party going on upstairs?

- No, we're going to see Nina. You know Nina.

- George, is there a party? Tell me.

- No, there's no party.

- Tell these guests there's no water after 8pm.

- Thank you, Mrs Sarni.

She's terrific. Who needs a doorman

when you have Mrs Sarni?

- Just hurry up and get inside.

- I really envy your living here, George.

What do you need with a dining room,

butlers, dinner parties? It's all a big headache.

Styron lived in a place like this

when he wrote Sophie's Choice.

What are you talking about?

- Hi. Can I go?

- It's hot. It's like August already.

Hiya, sweetheart. How do you get through

summer without air conditioning?

- Hey, Vinnie!

- Hey, Sidney. Come eat, huh?

Ooh, this looks good.

So, who you defending now?

A couple of kids who got framed

on a rape and battery charge in the Bronx.

Defend somebody big, whether you win or

lose, I'll get you $2 million on the book deal.

- By the way, you don't even have to write it.

- I'm not in show business.

Most lawyers aren't averse to publicity.

You should think about Court TV.

- He doesn't wanna think about Court TV.

- Wonderful food. I could eat like this daily.

- No herring, or I'll hear about it all night.

- What will you hear?

- Sally, go wash your hands.

- I'll take her.

- Where have you been?

- You haven't been calling Constance either?

- How d'you survive without her great advice?

- She talks to me every day. We're very close.

- I swear, I'm hotter than a goat in China.

- Can we get some air in here?

- What are you hiding from us?

- Did you finally break up? I'm proud of you!

Nobody has broken up.

Mind your own business.

- Can you get food poisoning this fast?

- Do you have air con?

- I will get the fan!

- Wait. You shouldn't lift stuff like that.

Why not?

I'm fine. Nothing is wrong with me.

- What the f*** is going on?

- Don't speak that way in front of my child.

- Betty, it's time we got home.

- Betty was your other wife.

- I'm Constance. Remember?

- Oh, Christ.

- Are you sleeping with her?

- I'm gay.

- You are?

- And it's a valid and wonderful choice.

Sidney, shut up.

George, what is going on here?

Are you pregnant?

Oh, my God. You're pregnant.

- George! What's going on?

- Who's the father?

You son of a b*tch,

you couldn't keep your hands off her!

- Vince! Calm down. It's your baby.

- I want New York Hospital, emergency room.

- It's mine?

- And mine.

It's mine. It's mine.

I want a real, big doctor.

George, is everything all right there? George!

- Will you get that? I can't hear a thing.

- Are you OK? Are you hungry?

I need someone in the

gastrointestinal department. George!

- What the hell is going on?!

- Hello?

Everything's fine, Mrs Sarni.

I thought someone died

and hit the floor. Jesus.

- Sweetie, give me the phone.

- Oh, God. Open the windows.

Daddy, you never

should have ate that herring.

Fan me with something. Is that The

New Yorker? Fan me with The New Yorker.

You're well out of this.

It sounds crazy.

I haven't even seen her recently because she's

always at Vince's, which is definitely right,

but what does that say about our friendship?

Maybe I didn't mean much to her.

George, you sound like

you're talking about your ex-lover.

Everything is about sex with you. You can get

close to a woman without sleeping with her.

Really? That's news to me.

I'm sure Vince isn't letting her

come anywhere near me.

I should have been more open.

It could have really been exciting.

Yeah, sure, it could have been exciting.

Bottom line is she wanted to f*** you.

- That's insane.

- Look, we're both cute, and I know women.

They tell you they wanna be your friend, but

they're really wanting... to f*** you.

I'm gonna probably have to move out

cos she'll want to get rid of the apartment,

so I hoped I could crash at your place.

Yes.

- Hey, honey.

- Hey! Hi.

You've not met my new fiance.

Suni, George. This is my brother George.

- George, this is Suni from Surgery.

- Hi.

Where'd it go? Oh, there it goes.

Thanks.

OK, ready? Stand up.

Now you're gonna hit a knee, right?

- Yep.

- OK.

Attaboy. Block with your body.

And then take a step... There you go.

- Ready?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, stop right there.

Face me like you're gonna do the pitch.

Ready?

Slow-mo.

- Nice. Come right over the top with it.

- Got it.

You did it great last week. Again.

OK, try it again.

Now, come right over the top.

Attaboy!

At first the iodine

does not affect the vitamin C solution.

But look what happens if I add some more.

This process is called titration.

- Is there nothing that little girl can't do?

- Watch TV. She's lousy at that.

- Doug!

- Hi, Sidney. How you doin'?

George, my Uncle Jonathan

says he knows you.

He does? Let's go, Nathan.

Greatjob, Mary.

Hey, George. Do you recognise me

in my ear, nose and throat gear?

- Free next weekend? I know a great club.

- George!

Oh, I see a friend of mine.

It was great to see you. Thanks for coming.

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