The Olivia Experiment Page #2

---

of Bye Bye Birdie,

but I digress.

Uh, the filming began

because I am a scholar

who believes

in the close reading of texts

as a means

of approaching understanding.

Yet I have repeatedly failed

at my own self-analysis

and hope that this effort

will enable me

to interpret my own situation.

Dating and courtship rituals

have fascinated me

in my studies,

yet confounded me in my life.

I have yet to experience

a scintilla of love,

let alone mutual lust.

But I am embracing

this potentially

degrading experiment

in hopes that it will

shed a light

on my somewhat peculiar nature.

And having sex should make me

a somewhat more typical

human being.

That's it.

[POP MUSIC PLAYS]

[TEA KETTLE WHISTLING]

Is that fence picking on you?

Hey, Ray. Um...

Um, good morning.

I just...

I get stuck on things

a lot, too, so, um...

This is...

your roommate's expecting it.

Uh, well, like most of

Berkeley, he's still asleep so...

I can wait.

Um, no, don't, I...

It's just, I don't...

I can't go into

what's on this,

but it's password protected,

uh, actually,

Defense Departmentally

password protected.

Oh, ok.

He'll get it.

Actually, could you

just give it back?

Can you just give it back?

Um, I just don't want you

to see what's on it.

I thought you said

it was password protected.

Yup. Yes.

It's password protected,

so don't even try.

Ok.

Ok.

Um, goodbye.

Watch out, for the...

because of earlier.

The fence.

Have a good day.

So this is my abode.

James is my best friend,

gay roommate

who, uh, he wasn't openly gay

when he moved in.

Um, and now,

now he is out.

I never got to openly admire my

fellow students in high school.

Now I can.

Wow! To think, for you, the road to gay

was paved by an unrequited

crush on Ray Dingman.

No fashion sense,

but the man is endowed

with the face of an angel.

Uh, let's talk about

your latest accomplishment.

I have a new boyfriend,

Arturo...

Not that.

Uh, before that, please.

I recently lost

my virginity.

Can you elaborate

a little bit?

I'm a rock climber. And I met

this hot instructor mid-cliff...

Can we have the truth,

please?

I posted an ad on Craigslist,

I went for the fellow

with the biggest unit,

a couple of mai tais,

barely remembered it

the next morning.

Wow,

thank you for sharing.

So, um, I am doing this video

strictly for research purposes,

uh, for my thesis.

But the film is,

is about sex so I thought

I would ask you what you think.

I'm in your history class.

You know me real well.

And you're my TA.

And I'm here to help you

have some hot sex.

OLIVIA:
Is it really going

to be hot?

I can't believe you're

even asking me this, yes!

Physically what is sex to me,

is that what you're asking me?

OLIVIA:
Yes.

How can I describe it

to you?

A man has a penis,

and a woman has a vagina.

You wear tampons, right? Ok.

There's a hole and a rod

and these things

go together, um...

You're kinda like...

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

and like, you wanna, like,

and you...

What kind of film is this

you're, uh,

you're documenting here?

So here I am

walking to Julian's place.

Uh, down an alley.

Uh, I don't even know if this is

his front door or his back door.

But he's not here.

He's still in class. So, um...

we're going to go in here.

Felisha is leaving

for the weekend,

and she is going to donate

Julian to me for two nights.

Lish, why don't you say

something to the camera?

Oh, no.

This is your thing.

I don't want to be

on camera.

Felisha is five years

my junior,

bet lifetimes more

emotionally evolved.

I can't even imagine

what it must be like

to just donate somebody

that you love.

Well, what Julian and I have

is just,

just so special that I just,

I trust him completely.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh!

Here's Julian.

Hi, Julian!

I didn't know

we were starting already.

Oh, no, we're not.

Can I talk to you a minute?

He's not due back yet.

Objectively, I'm about

to have this experience

with a highly desirable

specimen.

[EXHALES]

I think I'm gonna pass out.

Um, I think I'm gonna go home.

Um, bye, guys.

Bye.

Oh! Um, uh.

Oh, you're leaving?

Yes, I'm going.

Uh, I'll see you later.

Ok, um... bye.

OLIVIA:
They were making out

or something,

with me in the next room.

He needs to prove

his loyalty.

She needs to mark him

with her scent.

I guess this is how

they reaffirm their love.

I mean,

perhaps Felisha is seeking

to validate their relationship

through the ease

with which she can just

give Julian away.

It's natural.

Natural.

Strip.

Ok.

Ok.

Um...

Uh...

Um...

Uh...

James!

James, can you come

in here for a second, please?

Um...

Oh! Oh!

That sh*t's hot.

Can you help me please?

I'm not familiar

with that region.

Yeah, duh, but I seem to have

the muslin stuck or something.

I can't...

I think you're supposed

to apply baby oil first.

Will you just help me,

please?!

This is like hardening into a

relief sculpture as we speak.

I don't know what to do...

Aah!

I'm sorry.

It was the best way.

Oh! You a**hole!

You want some tea?

Ow!

[PLASTIC RUSTLING]

This was a mistake.

[SCOFFS]

You'll be fine.

You have no idea

what it's like.

The standards

are every bit as high

if not higher

for gay guys.

It's basically impossible

for anyone sleeping with men.

Well then,

why am I doing this?

It was inevitable,

after you found out about me.

You seemed approachable.

You were a non-threat.

I'll always be here for you...

as a last resort...

Thanks.

But the blind leading

the disgusted?

Pass.

You can just shave the pubes

on the other side.

Uh, God! I'm just not

cut out for sex.

This will help.

[IMITATES HORN]

James, you shouldn't have.

Oh.

If you're set

on filming yourself,

you might as well wear

something pretty.

It goes like that.

It goes like that.

Oh, stop it.

Thank you.

OLIVIA:
So far the experiment

seems to be going as planned.

I'm learning a lot.

More than I even wanted

to know perhaps.

But I should reveal to you

a little bit

about my methodology

So, CJ?

Come out, reveal yourself.

Come. Come on.

What?

What do you want?

Introduce yourself,

please.

I'm CJ. Am I done?

No. CJ is our camerawoman.

And just to be completely

honest,

she's also the person that I

made out with in Bye Bye Birdie.

But, CJ is gay, in practice,

and I am asexual...

Heh.

in theory.

Right.

OLIVIA:
How do you know, like,

how do you know for sure?

How did I know

I was a lesbian?

I just, you just know.

I don't know.

Do you really think

it's worth it?

You know, all this sex stuff?

You never know

until you try it.

And until you try it

you can't write it off.

Ok, so you've had sex.

Do you think

that I should have sex?

Oh, it's a thrill. It's

like riding a rollercoaster.

It is the greatest experience

you can have in your life,

over and over and over again.

It's a moment of peace, a moment

of natural peace in your day,

which should happen every day.

What about you? What do you

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