The One I Love Page #5

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You know,

that's really good advice.

And I should probably

listen to it...

But you're not a real person.

You know you're not real.

Who the hell are you?

What the hell are you?

Are you a f***ing robot?

Are you a...

Like a spirit?

Because I've got to say

ifs bad enough

that I'm losing my wife

to a mirror image of me

who happens to be

like 20% cooler

and 20% more emotionally

evolved than me.

Now I have to sit

and look at a mirror image

of exactly who I'm losing.

So, no...

I'm having a hard time

enjoying this weekend

because this is the weekend

I lose my wife.

So, pardon me if I don't want

a f***ing mimosa, okay?

It wasn't just this weekend.

How do you know?

Because as your wife,

I know these things.

Sh*t!

Uh-oh. I can't stop it.

I can't stop it.

Look what you did.

Look what you did.

What'? Souvenir?

Here comes the firehose.

I'm going to spray you down.

Are you on fire?

Why are you twirling a fire hose?

Where did you

get this sweater?

What?

Where'd you get this?

I don't know.

I've always had it.

- Really?

- Yeah, you just...

You don't notice

my clothes, I guess.

Do you remember

when you got it?

Do you want to

talk about clothes?

Or would you rather have the

full Chippendales experience?

What's the full experience?

Well...

I don't think

I have enough cash on me.

You just put that away.

You don't worry about that.

Sophie?

Sophie, open the door.

Come on. It's me.

I know you're in there

with him, Sophie.

Come on. Open up!

Will you just give me...

Hold on one second.

Sophie, come on.

Let me in.

Sophie.

I'm just going to

keep knocking.

I'm going to keep knocking.

I know what you're

doing in there.

I'm going to keep knocking.

Sophie, lei me in.

Come on, Sophie.

Open up.

- Where is he'?

- Ethan, what are you doing?

- Where are you?

- Ethan, come on.

Ethan, stop!

I'll beat his ass.

Where are you?

Where are you?

Goddamn it!

Good. He's gone.

What the hell

is going on in here?

Where did he go?

Look what you did!

What I did?

Are you insane?

Yes, what you did.

What if he never comes back?

Sophie, come on.

Sophie, get back here.

Sophie.

He is not real, okay?

Sophie, how can you

accept something

that you know

is a blatant lie?

You keep saying

it's not real, it's not real,

but I'm happy.

I'm feeling that.

How is that fake?

Do you hear

how insane you sound?

You're not admitting that this

is just the least bit weird?

It's not weird for me any more.

So what's the endgame? Huh?

How do you see

this playing out?

Are you going to

write letters,

come back and visit

after we leave this weekend?

I'm not leaving.

What do you mean,

you're not leaving?

Sophie,

what the hell

do you mean you're...

This is...

Okay, all right.

Sophie, come on.

Let's just take

a breath here, okay?

I know you're feeling

something that is magical

and clearly exciting to you,

but if you think about it logically,

literally for one second...

Is this weird for you now?

Does anybody remember any of

those fun icebreaker games

that kids do at summer camp...

Spin the bottle

or seven minutes

in heaven or something...

Anyhow, we just thought

it was time

that the four of us sit down

and get to know each other

a little bit.

You want to get to

know each other?

Hi, Sophie.

Hi.

Okay. Um...

Let's get to

know each other.

Why don't you tell us the truth

of what's really going on?

The truth?

Yeah, that you basically

have been pretending to be me,

acting like

I don't exist

even though you knew

I was here the whole time.

Ethan, I wasn't

pretending to be anyone.

I was just being myself.

You knew about me, right?

Did he mention me to you

at any point?

Not until this morning.

All right.

Maybe all of us

were doing a little pretending

this weekend.

It's not a big deal.

I really like your shoes.

Oh, thank you.

I really like your hair

pinned back like that.

It's super cute.

I'm sorry. I still am not

buying that you are real.

Ethan, I'm sitting here,

you're looking at me

sitting here.

I'm real.

You're sitting across

from me, right?

I'm looking at you

sitting there,

so by your logic

maybe you're not real.

That doesn't make any sense.

I'm starving.

Ethan, why don't you

clean yourself up

and we'll all have

a little dinner.

There.

So, anybody interested

in going on a hike tomorrow?

I've been wanting to do that

ever since we got here.

I would love that.

All right.

Tonight though,

I'm thinking game night.

All right.

Okay, maybe you're real,

but can we admit

this isn't some normal

dinner party?

Ethan, you're looking

a little uncomfortable.

Can I help you with something?

Okay, so according to you,

this is just

some average weekend.

We all go home tomorrow,

and you don't need any

further explanation than that?

Sometimes these things

just happen.

Yeah, that's right.

They do.

I don't buy it.

All right.

One time I read this article

on cosmic occurrences.

I wish I still had it...

You would love it.

And it basically says

that aberrations happen.

You can drive yourself nuts

trying to derive meaning

from things that have

no meaning to begin with.

That's so interesting.

It is, isn't it?

It's not that interesting.

Let me think

of an little example for you,

something right up your alley.

Um...

Let's say you buy a gorilla.

Excuse me?

Let's say you buy

a gorilla, Ethan.

You can't buy a gorilla.

I know that,

it was for the story.

But fine, let's say

you buy an aardvark, okay?

You take that aardvark,

you put him in a dark room.

A minute later

you flip that switch,

the lights come on.

Now we all know

how electricity works,

but for him

it's a miracle.

Magic happened...

That previously dark room

is now illuminated

with possibilities

he's never seen before...

And what does he do?

Does he ruin it

by questioning how or why?

No. He enjoys it.

Huh.

Well, I'm not an aardvark.

And I am not a gorilla.

Don't worry about it.

I got it.

Hmm.

There's a little bit left.

Should we finish it?

This is quite the situation.

You can say that again.

Has Ethan...

I mean your Ethan...

Have you guys

talked about anything

or has he said

anything to you at all?

Like what?

Well, Ethan... My Ethan and I,

we've discussed it.

Like he knew when I was

going to go in the house

and I knew when he was

going to and...

You shared your experiences.

Yeah, for the most part.

And you want to know

if we shared our experiences also.

Guess I'm just curious.

I can see that.

You know what

I'm curious about?

Are you more concerned

with the experiences

that me and your Ethan shared

or are you more concerned

with what I know

about the experiences

that you and my Ethan shared?

Seems to me

you care a lot more

about one of those scenarios

than the other.

Are you going

to give that back?

I say for the sake of

the super fun evening

we're about to have,

let's keep it simple

and keep our cheery dispositions

and I'll keep complimenting

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