The Opposite of Sex Page #7

Can you believe this?|It's so unfair.

She spends her whole life being a|total pill, and this happens.

We're not going inside.|It's too gross.

She turned out to be one of those|talkers, you know what I mean?

"Do it to me, yeah, oh there,|take me home, oh baby."

Sickening.

You'd think all that moaning would|take her mind off Bill.

But no.

It was a bigger story than we'd|figured.

Someone in Palm Springs tipped off|the local press...

and they had a kind of welcome|home parade for him.

The school board scheduled a hearing,|and the D.A. launched a probe.

And my mom hired a lawyer|in to try and get some money from Bill.

The Jason kid disappeared,|so the charges were dropped.

But Bill resigned anyway.

So school started and people|forgot about him.

Except you know who, the stalker.

My key doesn't work!

Gay houses usually sell real|quickly...

because of the recessed lighting|and the good faucets.

The realtor said the boarded up windows|were the kind of challenge she liked.

So it would've ended differently if we'd|waited one or two more days than we did.

But we didn't.

It was October.

Hey, man, how's it going?

Where the hell have you been?|We couldn't hold the hearing.

So busy.

Yeah? F*** you. And good luck|refilling those charges.

That's not why I'm here.

Curious?

Is this on? Bill, this is Dedee.

I had to send Jason because of|this whole crime thing.

Matt called him one night in|Chicago, and he's been like a fairy|godfather, so to speak.

What?

He wants me to say f*ggot|godfather.

Anyway, I'm gonna have the baby,|and we need money...

and you're the only one I know|who has money.

Like ten thousand dollars?

We have a little wiggle room there.

and we do have expenses.

If you give us the money...|Jason, hold up the envelope now.

Inside the envelope are letters|where Jason takes back everything.

So you'll get your job back.

Plus, I'll send you pictures of|the baby when it comes out.

Because it will be your niece|or nephew, okay?

Turn it off.

Also, Matt says hi.

So what do you think?

Where are they?

I can't tell you that.

No, you just give me the money...

and that's all, the money.

That's pierced.

Listen to me, you little grunge|f*ggot...

I survived my family,|my schoolyard...

every Republican, every other|Democrat...

Anita Bryant, the Pope,|the f***ing Christian Coalition...

not to mention a real son-of-a-b*tch|virus, in case you haven't noticed.

And in all that time|since Paul Lynde and Truman Capote|were the only fairies in America...

I've been busting my ass|so that you'd be able to do|what you want with yours.

So I don't just want your obedience|right now, which I do want plenty of it.

But I want your f***ing gratitude|right f***ing now...

or you're gonna be looking down a|long road with your nipple in the dirt.

Do you hear what I'm saying?|Take me to them.

Okay, fine, just let me go!|Let me go!

F***.

You're supposed to be my brother,|man.

I was brotherly, man.|Think where else you're pierced.

Let's go.

We only have the|regular in Canada.

Jason? Jason Bock?

Oh my god, yeah, the gay.

Miss Dalury, how you doing?

Never mind me. You better be in town|to clear Mr. Truitt's name.

He didn't do anything to me.|That was just leverage.

You are going to march right into|school with me, young man...

and you're going to make|a statement to the principal.

And then I'm going to take you|to the police station.

I'm just passing through, ma'am.

You owe him that much.

Sorry.

I should've flunked you|when I had the chance.

You paid for this, didn't you?

F***ing small town, man.

Oh, my god. Call the school|and tell them I'm sick.

Do it!

Oh, my god...that little bastard.

As soon as the baby's born, we're|off to Mexico. Me, Matt and the kid.

Dedee knows she's not the mommy|type.

So, you know, he's available.

You mean Matt's not straight|anymore?

He called me, didn't he?

Here we are.

Our own little Xanadu.

We got it cheap|because of the season.

Send Matt out first.

She is gonna kill me when she sees|you here.

Just don't tell her you don't have|the money yet, okay?

Matt, I'm back!

What the hell are you doing here?

Jesus, Dedee. God, you're huge.

Jason.

Hey, Dedee, we're back.

He wanted to see you himself.|Family, you know.

A**hole. Get back in the house,|help Matt make dinner.

I'll handle him.

You'll handle me?

Did you really think I was just|gonna load up his car with cash and|point it north?

You're screwing this all up.

When are you due? What does the|doctor say?

We can't afford a doctor.|You didn't bring any money at all?

- Forget the money.|- It's not for me, it's for them.

Part of it, anyway. Did he tell you|they're going to Mexico?

And you're just giving them the baby|as a wedding gift?

I gotta get Matt's name on the birth|certificate.

They'll take my word for it, right?|Once he's the father,|he can take the kid anywhere.

Just give it away.

It's as much his as it is mine. At|least, that's the line I'm gonna take.

Come on, you can't live like this.|This is crazy.

Besides, the police|are looking for you.

I don't wanna talk about that.

I'm your sister, okay? God...

And plus, I got Jason to take back all|those things he said in those letters.

The police are off your back,|thanks to me.

Are you hungry?

The life cycle|of the American bisexual.

He's in the last stage...total Moe.

You pissed me off, Bill,|you always did.

I should be the one who's pissed|off. You leave me in Palm Springs|with the police...

and the body of that poor kid.

That was an accident. They were|struggling and the gun went off.

It's made her very anti-handgun.

Of course, I don't know|why I'm surprised.

It's not like I can expect any loyalty|or consideration or whatever from you.

I told you, I didn't sleep with|Jason when we were together, okay?

She's a little bit at the end|there...Dedee.

I know it was wrong,|but I wasn't happy.

I'm happy with Jason.|He makes me happy.

How? How does he make you happy?

I mean, he's not on your level.

That's what Lucia|used to say about me.

Admit it, this thing between you|and Jason is just sex.

You know that stuff you're breathing|there, it's just oxygen.

It's an itch. You scratch it,|you feel better.

A lot better.

You look good.

It's been a while, I'd forgotten.

What did you do with those|Polaroids?

That's not what I'm talking about.

You know...

Bill, you think too much.

You wanted me, I was fine with that.|I was flattered.

I was stupid enough|to have taken it personally.

But it wasn't enough for you.

You had to take it to the next|level, make it mental or spiritual|or something...

Like some kind of f***ing|promotion.

So there's nothing more to you|than your body.

What the f*** do I know? I'm just saying|that if you love me for my mind...

I know that's not|my best feature, right?

So where does that leave me?

Not only does my lover have a fool|for a boyfriend, so do l.

You're not a fool.

You know what I'm not -- Tom.

I'm sorry that he died.

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