The Ouija Exorcism Page #2

Who does the rest of the stuff?

Who fixed the sink the

other day when it got clogged?

What?

Nothing.

We're not going to the cabin.

Fine.

You always said that

grandpa never took you

Anywhere or did anything cool.

I mean it's not like

you're forcing me

To leave home like he did,

But I am going to college.

Don't you want to have

some fun before I go?

What are you doing?

This isn't our exit.

I know.

I'm just proving that I'm cool.

It's not cool if you

say you're cool dad.

Okay.

Well how about

this, I will promise

Not to tell anyone the

only reason you want to

Go to the cabin is so you

can hang out with Chloe.

Have I mentioned you're

the coolest dad ever?

It's not cool to mention it.

Hi guys, sorry,

you just caught me

At the end of my

sun salutations,

I'm working on my

yogi certificate.

You must be Beverly.

Nice to meet you.

Jeff. Hi Chloe.

Teenagers.

Well, make yourselves at home.

The door to the

main house is open,

I'm just going to shower up and

I'll show you guys around.

I'll be right down the

way if you need anything.

Thank you

Thank you. So much.

Get the bags.

What's a yogi

anyway though, a bear?

Yep. She steals

picnic baskets.

That's what I thought.

Let's go.

Jesus, this isn't a

cabin, it's a mansion.

It's like Pablo

Escobar's rustic getaway.

Would you uh, watch

your language please?

What? We're Jewish,

I can say Jesus.

All I'm saying is the cabin

is bigger than our house,

And there's probably a bunch

of cocaine hidden in the walls.

Hey!

What do you know about cocaine?

You know, don't, don't tell me.

Hey!

You guys made it!

Yep.

Good to see you.

Welcome.

Yeah he, guilted me

into it on the highway.

Plus I thought it'd be nice

to make some "cool memories"

Before he goes off to school.

That's really nice.

Chloe's inside and...

Jeff's at the market,

So why don't I show you inside?

Sure, yeah.

Jeff's at the market...

Sup dude?

Sup?

Did you guys change your mind?

Yeah. Yeah,

something like that.

How was the market?

Find anything nice?

Oh, you mean Ronnie.

Ronnie she's like

the yogi around here.

Takes care of stuff when

people are around, whatever

Recent divorcee.

On the prowl.

You know, because

she's a cougar.

Like an older, you get it?

No, I get it.

So how does Bev feel about you

doing yoga with other women?

You listen here, Rabbi.

If you even think about

opening your mouth to Bev,

You'll be in matzo straw

for the rest of your life.

That's not how matzo,

That's not how matzo works.

Sweet.

Hey

Hey, babe.

Where are you going?

I forgot the

bread at the market.

- Get it later.

- I can't

- We have our family hike.

- We can't have sandwiches without bread.

Okay?

You know the hike

is not my thing, okay?

I'll be back later.

Love you.

- Hey.

- How are you?

Better now.

Chloe?

Chloe!

Yes, mother.

We are going on a hike,

would you like to join us?

Are you serious?

I'd rather hang out

with Noah all weekend.

Looks like it's

just you and me, Joe.

Just like old times.

Bye.

Huh?

Bye.

Okay, bye.

I know you're there, perv.

How'd you get in here?

So.

So.

Jeff, huh?

Come on, he means well.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, he really does.

I mean I know he's

a pain and all,

But, he really is a good guy.

I met him online.

After my husband passed away.

Of course you met

that guy online.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

I just, uh, I guess I can't

really picture swiping

Right on that guy.

Swipe right?

Yeah, yeah, I've

seen Noah swipe right,

He's in his room just swiping,

At least I think it's swiping.

No, I've never swiped.

I don't believe in

swiping before marriage.

Bev?

Yeah.

You okay?

I don't know.

I think I made a mistake.

He means well and all,

But we're just two

different people,

And at my age there

aren't many options.

I find that pretty

hard to believe.

Watch out I can

still beat you up.

You can try,

bring it, bring it.

It's on.

Oh my goddess!

What's with all

the hippie sh*t?

I'm a shamanic priestess.

Well, I was ordained online.

I thought all

shamans were dudes.

Shamans by nature are women.

The first shaman was

said to be a woman.

Why do you think male

shamans are always wearing

Women's clothing

and assuming mostly

Female gendered behavior?

I don't know I just

thought they liked to

Wear dresses and

dress up like women.

So, since you're a

shaman do you like

Heal crap and talk to ghosts?

Or I don't know...

Yes, if I can properly

tap into the spirit world.

I can.

How about I

properly tap into you?

No, your dad.

Remember he wore that

really short miniskirt

That one year, where did

he even get that from?

Did you give it to him?

Weirdos

Don't, don't make me

think about that short skirt.

I don't want to

think about that.

He had the most hideous legs

And it kind of went

up in the back.

- Oh hey.

- Jeff, hi.

Did you just get

back from the market?

Yep.

You guys are awfully chummy huh?

Just catching up on old times.

Huh. I'd love to hear

about your old times

With my girlfriend, Joe.

Well Joe and his dad

used to dress up for

Wait, what was it

called again, Yos?

Purim.

Purim, that's right.

And apparently, there

was this Persian king

Who planned to have all the

Jewish people killed, and...

The holiday is to celebrate

the people that saved them

And foiled his plan, basically.

Bummer.

No, actually it

was pretty great.

I mean the girls used

to dress up like boys

And the boys used to

dress up like girls

And they would sing songs

and play with noisemakers

And it was really great.

Yeah, well, you know

shamans are actually girls?

What was that?

I don't know.

I'm confused.

Of course you met

that guy online.

Shut up.

Oh God, I did.

Smart phones, dumb people.

Salud.

I love you too.

Hang on!

Come in.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Nothin'.

Sure.

Dinner's ready, so

you should wash up.

And buddy you might want

to change that shirt,

You've been wearing it

for like, three days.

Fine.

Just looking out for you.

Okay, Dad.

Get out!

So, um, kids, did

you have fun today?

Oh yeah.

What about you Jeff,

did you have fun?

Jeff?

Jeff?

Huh?

Did you have fun today?

Yeah. It was fine.

Anyone seen my dad?

I'm going to go find him.

This is good.

Hey, we're all waiting

for you out here,

Noah, I thought I told

you to get ready for...

Noah?

What? I was changing my shirt.

Do you hear that?

Hear what?

Sup? Earth to Joe.

You coming to dinner or what?

Yeah. Yeah.

Smells good, right?

Yeah, smells.

But looks, like sh*t.

You alright, Dad?

Dad?

Your marshmallow's f-ed.

Oh. Oh, well I,

I like them burnt.

There's something out there.

Yeah dad, I totally think

something's out there.

Whoever's out there

better come out right now

Sorry, sorry, it's just me.

Just Ronnie.

Ronnie, what are you

doing in the woods?

Oh I just saw the fire

and I heard voices, so

Why don't you join us?

Here, have a seat.

Want mine?

No, I'm good.

Oh, sorry, Ronnie, this is

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