The Owl House

Season #1 Episode #2: Witches Before Wizards

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[Open on the Owl House. Wind howls as it moves Luz's open and creaking window.]

Luz:
[rolls over, breathes heavily]

[Flashback to events of the previous episode: Owlbert hopping through the portal door in Eda's tent with a sack in his beak, Luz running through behind him.]

Luz:
Stop adorably hopping away, you... Huh?

[Cut to the living room, the first time Luz entered.]

Eda:
Welcome to... [snaps fingers] ...the Owl House.

Luz:
[gasps]

[Cut to Luz's first staff ride, whimsical music playing over the scene. Cut to present]

Luz:
[wakes up with a gasp and looks around the room]

King:
[snoring]

Luz:
It wasn't a dream! [opens the window] Good morning, terrifying fantasy world.

Monster:
[waving at her] Good morning. [sinks into the ocean]

Luz:
Ughhh.

King:
[snoring]

Luz:
[picks up King] Good morning, you little cutie‐pie. [kisses his head repeatedly]

King:
I am not your cutie‐pie!

Luz:
Yes, you are. [hugs him tightly before putting him back down on her sleeping bag]

King:
[sighs] I know.

[Cut to Luz opening the bathroom door. Several owls fly out of it, hooting. She watches them fly away before entering, walking backwards]

Hooty:
Hi, Luz!

Luz:
[screams and karate chops Hooty's face]

Hooty:
Ow! I'm just wishing you a good morning. [retreats to the front door] Jeez! Hoot! Ow!

Luz:
Sorry, Hooty. [Looks at the bathroom counter and picks up her Azura book. Flips it open to a headshot of Azura and holds it up to the mirror] This is it, old girl. Your first day on the Boiling Isles, as a Witch Apprentice. [punches the air] Hyah! [opens a closet door while covering her eyes] Please have witchy clothes. Please have witchy clothes. Please have witchy clothes. [takes her hand off her eyes and sees a closet full of stereotypical witchy stuff] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! [screams]

[Cut to Luz writing "Witch Apprentice Luz" on a name tag and sticking it to her chest. She is now wearing a robe and what looks to be a witch's hat as she stands at the bottom of a staircase]

Luz:
[squeals]

[Toilet flushing. Eda's shadow appears on the wall before she steps into frame.]

Eda:
[yawns] Hmm?

Luz:
Good morning, Eda the Owl Lady. I am ready for my first day of Witch Apprenticeship.

Eda:
Ugh! [shakes spiders out of her hair, picks another one out of her ear] Who are you, again?

Luz:
Huh? [stares in horror as her name tag falls to the floor]

[THEME SONG]

Luz:
[following Eda into the kitchen] Remember me? Luz? [grunts as a coffee cup hits her in the back of the head] We freed the oppressed and defeated the evil warden together? Yesterday?

Eda:
Kid, lay off the details. I haven't even had my cup of apple blood yet.

Luz:
You mean apple juice?

Eda:
No.

[Eda sits on the kitchen table and drinks from her mug. King is sitting in a high chair and stabbing a fork into a yellow blob with eyes sitting on a plate]

Luz:
Teach me some spells. When do I get a magic staff? Was I supposed to bring my own runes? [gasps] Do you have a dangerous magical quest for me?

Eda:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, kid. Being a witch doesn't happen overnight. Also, you're wrapped in a bathrobe and wearing the dirtiest traffic cone I've ever seen.

[Luz pulls her hat off and blows on it, revealing that it was, in fact, a traffic cone with a severe layer of dust on it.]

King:
[laughs]

Eda:
But a magic staff, huh? You really want one?

Luz:
More than anything.

Eda:
Magic staff, come to me!

[She holds out her hand. For a second, nothing happens. Then several things crash distantly. King, Luz, and Eda all slowly turn to the sound, until Eda's staff appears and smacks her in the face, clattering to the ground]

Eda:
[grunts and picks the staff up, spinning it before tapping it on the ground] It's early. Now, witches are awarded their staffs from school. With me as your teacher, you'll be taking a different approach. [drops a bag of potions onto the floor] You'll have to work for it. [leads Luz through the living room] I run a few businesses. On weekends, I offer rare human treasures that Owlbert drags over from your side of the realm.

[She grabs a toy sword and hits a button near the pommel]

Sword:
I shall smite my enemies! Ages six to eleven.

Eda:
[tosses the sword over Luz's head] But most days I sell only the finest homemade elixirs and potions.

Luz:
[pulls a bottle from the bag and reads the label] "Snake oil."

Eda:
No one wants an un‐oiled snake. Follow me.

[Cut to Eda and Luz walking onto a balcony]

Eda:
Today you'll deliver packages and sell potions to that town over there, Bonesborough. You'll have to be careful. I have rivals everywhere who'd love to take my business down and you along with it. You wanted a dangerous magical quest? Sister, you've got one.

Luz:
I won't let you down, Miss Eda.

[Luz turns to salute Eda, dropping the sack of potions off the balcony in the process. The two of them watch it fall, Luz wincing when it crashes loudly on the ground.]

Eda:
I'm sure. [Cut to the living room, where Eda is pushing Luz out the door with a new bag of potions.] Remember, never befriend a man in sandals and always measure twice, cut once.

Luz:
Uh...

Eda:
Good luck! [slams the door closed and dusts her hands off, then looks at King.] I hate to interrupt your power nap, but you have to go with her.

King:
What? But I just found the perfect spot. Why do I have to go?

Eda:
You and I know she's either going to get lost or eaten, probably both.

Luz:
[squishes her face against the window] No, I won't.

Eda:
[closes the blinds with a spell] And because you work for me, too, unless you want to start paying rent.

King:
[throws a short tantrum before stomping out the door]

Eda:
Be back by nightfall or risk mortal peril. [slams the door again]

Hooty:
Have a nice trip.

King:
Huh! Let's get this over with.

[Fade to Bonesborough. Luz and King walk through an archway]

Luz:
Woah!

[Zoom out to reveal a wall covered in wanted posters on either side of the archway. Various types of demons pass, all of which Luz stare at in amazement.]

King:
Hey, it's rude to stare.

Luz:
I've only seen places like this in my dreams. It's incredible. And I'm the only human here?

King:
[shrugs] Haven't seen any others.

Luz:
Wow! There must be a reason for that, right? Why am I here? What if I, Luz Noceda, average teen, actually had... [gasps] ...a predetermined path of greatness? [gasps] Just like Azura!

King:
Yeah. Did Azura's path to greatness involve her delivering boil cream? [takes a potion labeled "Boil B' Gone" from the sack and holds it up]

Luz:
Today I'm delivering packages, but tomorrow I'll be earning the respect of everyone on the Boiling Isles with my magical prowess.

King:
Ha! Good luck. The Boiling Isles is nothing but a cesspool of despair.

Luz:
More like a cesspool of delight.

[Luz puts the boil cream back in the sack before hefting it over her shoulder and looking around. She starts in the direction of the market, where she walks up to a centaur holding a pumpkin in front of his chest.]

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