The Owl House

Season #1 Episode #3: I Was a Teenage Abomination

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[Open the sun, panning down to show Luz, Eda, and King standing on a beach.]

Eda:
Well, Luz! [elbows her] Did you ever in your life think you'd see something as breathtaking as this?

[She gestures to the corpse of a trash slug that towers over them. It's surrounded by trash and muck. Flies audibly buzz around the corpse.]

Luz:
[shaking her head] I don't like this. [plugs her nose]

Eda:
[walks to the trash slug] Yes, it doesn't get much more inspiring than the trash slug. It makes a home, a life from what others have thrown by the wayside. [pulls a rubber chicken from the trash slug's mouth] Until, blam, it gets blasted by a wave one day and croaks from all the salt. And then we get to sell the stuff it ate. [pulls out a pickaxe]

Luz:
Please don't make me.

King:
[walking away] Aw, come on, Luz. [unfurls a towel] It's not every day you get to go to the dump and pick apart a garbage carcass.

Eda:
Ah, nuts to you both.

[Eda swings the pick at the trash slug.]

Luz:
So, Eda...

[Glass shatters]

Luz:
What if we tried some new lessons for my apprenticeship? Like...

[Something crashes]

Luz:
Read ancient scrolls or mix together potions, or‐

Eda:
[while tossing things from the trash slug's mouth] Ugh. That sounds like a bunch of magic school stuff.

Luz:
Wait. Is there a magic school here? Like, winding towers, cute uniforms, dark plots that threaten your life kind of magic school?

Eda:
Mm‐hmm. What's worse, they force you to learn magic the "proper" way. But magic isn't proper. It's wild and unpredictable. And that's why it's so beautiful. I didn't finish school, and look at me! Who wouldn't envy where I am right now?

[Flies are flying around the pile of trash Eda is currently standing in. Luz's expression falls.]

Eda:
Uh... Hey, here's a lesson. [drops her pick] A great witch is resourceful, [sticks Luz's hand in a puddle of trash slug bile] like this.

[Eda drags Luz's hand back and forth before letting go. Luz continues digging until she pulls something out.]

Luz:
Oh, hey. Greasy slime ball.

Eda:
[closes Luz's hands around the slime ball] Use your slime ball wisely, young witch. [stands and heads back for the trash slug] Back at it! We'll hit the stink nodes first.

Luz:
Actually, if it's okay, [starts backing away] I think I'll head home and look at pictures of animals that are still... alive. Love you, King. [pets his belly]

King:
[giggles]

Luz:
You little beach peach. [continues walking into the woods]

King:
[sighs]

Eda:
[shrugs] More for me, then.

[She climbs into the trash slug, sending several things clattering.]

Eda:
There we go. Okay.

[She tosses out a cheese grater, an electric fan, and a tuba, the last of which lands on King's head.]

King:
Ow! [struggles to free himself]

Eda:
This is awesome!

[THEME]

[A monster that looks very distantly related to a butterfly flies across the woods, panting. Luz walks down the path, glaring at the slime ball.]

Luz:
Ugh! If magic's all about digging for slime balls, maybe I don't have the stomach for it. [pockets the slime ball]

Girl's voice:
You can do it! You can!

Luz:
[looks around] Mysterious voice of encouragement? [looks through bushes and gasps] No! Little witch girl.

Girl:
[stands to pace around] You can do it. Even if you get a bad grade, it's not a reflection of you as a witch. And my parents are right. [stops pacing] There are better opportunities on this track. Now, get to school! [steps forward and points confidently, but gets sad when she realizes she stepped on a flower] Oh, no! Oh, little friend! I'm sorry!

[She kneels down and repeatedly traces a spell circle. The flower perks back up and fully blooms.]

Luz:
[gasps]

[The girl's ear wiggles as something rumbles off screen. She turns as a wagon, being moved by magic, rolls to a stop in front of her, carrying a pot and a girl reading a book.]

Amity:
[looks away from her book] Willow! Wow. [hops off the pot] You're so unnoticeable I almost rolled into ya. [chuckles]

[The flower that Willow just healed wilts.]

Willow:
Hi, Amity. [stands up]

Amity:
Uh, shouldn't you get to class early to prep your...

[Rattling cuts her off. They turn to Willow's pot as it spills, pouring out a purple substance and an eyeball that blinks and groans.]

Amity:
Oh, Willow. You don't have anything to show, do you?

Luz:
Witch drama!

[Willow pulls up her hood as she blushes.]

Amity:
[sighs] This is why people call you "Half‐a‐Witch Willow."

[rattling]

Amity:
Oh, looks like someone wants to say something to you. [takes the cover off her pot] Abomination, [snaps] rise.

[Her abomination rises, becoming more solid until it's humanoid in shape. It bends out of the pot to poke Willow's forehead, leaving behind mud in a star-shape.]

Abomination:
You're a... star.

Amity:
Aw. It's like mine. [readjusts a star shaped badge that reads "Top Student"] But much smaller and meaningless. As top student, it's my duty to tell you to keep at it. [puts an arm around Willow] Even you could get a passing grade someday. Abomination, cower.

[It groans as it melts back into the pot. Amity replaces the pot lid and takes hold of the cart.]

Amity:
See you in class, superstar.

[Amity walks away. Willow removes her hood. As Amity leaves, Luz sticks her tongue out at her.]

Willow:
"Oh, see you in class, superstar!" [wipes the star from her forehead] I hate when she does that.

[Luz flinches as she watches. Wind blows leaves around Willow as she rants.]

Willow:
I hate making abominations. I hate getting bad grades. Ugh! I can't stand this anymore. [shouts, her eyes glowing green]

Luz:
[gasps]

[The flower from earlier gets lost among giant thorny roots that burst out around it. They surround Willow, glowing and writhing angrily. One snakes out and grabs Luz by the ankle.]

Luz:
[screams]

[The root drops Luz on the ground a bit behind Willow, who turns and glares at her, her eyes still glowing. Cut back to the beach, where Eda is tying a sack to her staff as King watches.]

Eda:
Not a bad haul. That oviduct was loaded.

King:
Ah. Lose apprentice, gain garbage eggs. Fair trade.

Eda:
[scoffs] I didn't lose anything.

King:
If you don't teach Luz right, you will. And that's when I come in, make her my apprentice.

Eda:
Ha! And what would you teach? How to get stuck in the arm of a sweater?

King:
Hey, that only happened once! I'd teach her about demons. How to identify them, talk to 'em, raise an army with them and tear apart the world!

Eda:
After they tear you out of the sweater arm, right?

King:
You think you're so smart! Well, [hops off the trash he's sitting on toward Eda] why don't we make a little bet where I can prove that I'd make a better teacher.

Eda:
Okay. [reaches into her hair] I'm obligated to remind you that I only use our bets to utterly humiliate you. [pulls out a book called "Eda + King One Sided Wagers"] And... [opens it] that you've never won.

King:
I like those odds.

Eda:
So how's this? [grabs an egg] Teach this trash slug to be your loyal soldier in one day. Prove that you can be a better teacher than me, and Luz is all yours. But if you don't, I change your name from King to... Mr. Wiggles.

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