The Owl House

Season #1 Episode #8: Once Upon a Swap

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[Open on Eda's human collectibles stand in the market. King is jumping on the table, trying to grab a flag hanging above him.]

King:
Weh! [falls off the table] Stupid flag!

[Luz walks in carrying a ladder and a wooden sign.]

Luz:
It's been a little slow around here, but I've got just the thing to attract customers.

[She puts the wooden sign on top of the "HUMAN COLLECTABLES" sign and taps it, activating the light glyphs carved into it.]

Luz:
And who doesn't like their name in lights?

[Fully illuminated, a winking face of Eda appears.]

Luz:
Is it too subtle?

Boscha:
Does subtle mean ugly?

[Boscha, Skara, and an Oracle track student are standing at the stand.]

Luz:
Hi Boscha! Hexsidians! See anything you like?

Boscha:
Ew! No. I'm just here to take an ironic Penstagram next to your weird flashing trash sign.

[She summons her scroll and takes several pictures.]

Luz:
It's not funny Boscha.

Boscha:
What are you going to do? Spit your human venom on me?

King:
You have venom? Quick, Luz, start melting faces!

Luz:
[kneels down] Even if I could, it's not worth it. You wouldn't understand how to handle teens like her.

King:
[grabs her hood] No, I'll show you what to do. [grunts, jumps onto the table] You will tremble before me!

[The three teens stare at him.]

Boscha:
Oh, he's so cute!

[She hugs King and summons her scroll, taking a picture with a filter.]

King:
Weh! [shoves her face]

Boscha:
How much? I have to own him.

King:
[frees himself] You couldn't afford me, sister!

All:
Aw!

King:
That's the incorrect reaction!

Eda:
[sniffs] I smell an easy mark. [jumps out of the tent] Hey, kid! Can I offer you the latest fashions from... [magically dresses herself in horribly clashing clothes] the human realm?

Boscha:
Yeah, no.

[Skara and the Oracle track student laugh as the three of them leave.]

Eda:
Well, [returns to her normal outfit] I hate her.

Luz:
Yeah, teens can be sour, but I'm a little sweetie. Look what I made you!

[Points to her sign.]

Eda:
Luz! [takes the sign down]

Luz:
Did I spell something wrong? Or did I spell something right?

Eda:
Stop that. [wipes away the lights] You may be forgetting something, Luz. I'm kinda... [holds up her wanted poster] on the run! Remember? Every guard in town would be at my doorstep if I had my name in lights.

Luz:
Well, I don't see anyone right now. Maybe you're just being paranoid. You're a powerful witch. Why hide when you can "poof" all your problems away with magic?

King:
What does Luz know about problems anyway? All she has is dumb teen drama! She doesn't understand how hard some of us have it.

Eda:
You're pampered all day like a dang baby. How hard is that life?

King:
Well, I don't know if you realized, but I'm not a baby!

Luz:
Then why are you screaming like one?

King:
My life is a living nightmare!

Eda:
Well, there's only one thing to do when friends can't see eye to eye.

Luz:
Hug each other till we pass out? [hugs King]

King:
Fight to the death!

Eda:
Pfft, no. Body swap!

King:
[to Luz] Are you sure you don't shoot venom?

[THEME]

Eda:
I love a good body swap. It's like demonic possession with the ones you love.

Luz:
We're doing that? That's possible? [grabs a VHS box] This is just like my favorite early 2000s movie! Freaky Fraturday. But maybe we should think about this for a second.

Eda:
Body swap!

Luz:
Ooh!

[Eda spins her staff above their heads, a curtain of yellow light and smoke falling over them.]

Luz:
[in Eda's body] Did it work? I need a mirror. [runs into the mirror with a grunt] Found one. Oh, my gosh. It worked! I'm so old... [grabs her ears] and pointy!

[King in Luz's body walks up to the mirror.]

Luz:
Hot dog! It's me!

King:
[in Luz's body] Yeah, it is. I'm the human now. Bow before my massive, meaty hands!

Luz:
Wait, so that means...

[Eda clears her throat. Luz and King look back at the table, where the last of the smoke dissipates.]

Eda:
[in King's body] How do I look?

King:
I've got some... very confusing emotions right now.

Eda:
All right, here's the deal. Whoever can prove their new body has the easiest life gets out of house cleaning duty. And you know what that means.

[Cut to Hooty giggling maniacally as he plays in the mud. Cut back to the three of them shuddering.

King:
Won't be me. Life as a teen is a tyrant's dream! [to Luz] By the end of the day, I'll be ruling over your feeble demographic.

Luz:
Well, I've got magic. Eda, don't be too mad when your inventory's gone and the guards are none the wiser.

[She accidentally casts a beam of light that knocks her on the ground.]

Eda:
Ha! That's cute. [hops off the table] If you need me, I'll be getting pampered on a vacation fit for a king.

King:
My life's not a joke! [to Luz] But yours is. [pokes Luz's nose] Bap. [laughs and runs away]

[Cut to Eda walking through town. She grabs a pair of sunglasses, puts them on and poses. Freeze frame with the words "Eda's Catastrophe" above her. She continues walking.]

Woman:
Look at that little baby!

Eda:
Oh, hello.

Man:
So adorable!

Eda:
Yes, hello to you too, handsome.

Guard:
Stop right there!

[A guard with a four-headed dog is staring at her.]

Eda:
An emperor's guard.

Dog:
[sniffs, growls]

Guard:
Thought you could get away with it, didn't you?

Eda:
Wait, you know who I am?

Guard:
Of course, I do. You're... the cutest little angel I've ever seen! Who wants a lolly? [holds out a lollipop]

Eda:
[tosses the sunglasses and takes the lollipop] Ha! That's more like it.

Dog:
[sniffs, whines]

Eda:
[taunts] You got nothing! [laughs and walks away]

[The dog licks its nose where Eda hit it with the lollipop]

Eda:
[sighs] Being King is a walk in the park. I'm gonna win this bet for sure. [stops walking] Wha‐‐

Roselle:
Oh, Dottie! Look at this lost little dumpling!

Eda:
What's that? [is picked up] Whoa! Hey, I'm not lost, you creeps!

Roselle:
Poor baby! Do you need us to make you a delicious meal?

Eda:
No, I don't need you‐‐

[Roselle scratches Eda's belly.]

Eda:
Tummy scratches? Ooh. You know what? Maybe I am lost. Take me away, ladies.

[They walk down an alley, their shadows looming on the wall. Cut to a kitty café, where two creatures meow in the window and a demon with several giant eyes is painting words on the window. Roselle and Dottie carry Eda inside.]

Roselle:
Welcome to our kitty café. This is our little safe haven for cherubs like you.

[Various witches and demons are playing with smaller creatures, only one of which actually looks like a cat.]

Eda:
Ugh... What hot mess is going down here?

Roselle:
You see, precious cargo like you should be taken care of. Boop! All you should have to worry about is how many belly rubs you want or how much tasty num‐nums you're gonna eat. [puts Eda into a crib]

Eda:
Well, my creep alarm is ringing, but I can't argue with num‐nums. [takes the cupcake Dottie hands her]

Roselle:
This place is a safe place. A place clean from the outside world. And those teenagers who filthen it. [points to a sign behind her reading "NO TEENS A-MEOW-ED"] You have a good nap, my dearest. And welcome... to your new home.

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