The Pacifier Page #19

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97.

CUTE COP:

I’d say you could lose your license --

but you haven’t got one!

ZOE:

People are trying to kill us. They have

my mom, and our bodyguard -- you have to

follow me!

CUTE COP:

Just pull over!

ZOE:

Fine. Don’t follow me!

She swerves into the Squad Car, almost running it off the

road. Zoe U-turns, and speeds back towards her house. The

Squad Car turns around and chases her.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - MOMENTS LATER

The Minivan speeds by. The Squad Car is on its tail. It

is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. Following the chase, at a

safe distance, is Mr. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.

EXT. SCHOOL - SAME TIME

Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. He’s in a

NECK-BRACE.

MURNEY:

That Baloney Bandit struck again. I

accept full responsibility. My

intelligence proved to be faulty, but if

I had more resources...

She shakes her head, Suddenly, the Minivan SPEEDS by.

VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. VROOOM!! Then --

FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. VROOOOOOM!!!

MURNEY (CONT’D)

(not that surprised:)

I told you not to pass her in Driver’s

Ed.

Claire frowns, concerned...

INT. PLUMMER BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS

.

Shane is on the floor, sliding forward, nervously.

98.

SHANE:

Wriggle like a snake ‘til you can’t no

more. Then better jump quick, like there

ain’t no floor.

Shane jumps up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY,

revealing a pool of liquid. Shane has wedged himself in

the corner. A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid,

and sizzles in a cloud of smoke. It’s acid.

SHANE (CONT’D)

(to himself, to calm down)

Almost done, almost done... “Just hold

your breath, and jump to the left.”

He jumps, to the left of the HOLE. He lands in front of

THE SAFE. He’s relieved -- then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS

at him. He holds his breath just in time. Still holding

his breath:

SHANE (CONT’D)

And that’s the Peter Panda Dance.

He flips the switch to DISARMED. The safe’s red light

turns green. Immediately, the flamethrowers and blowguns

retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. The whole

room goes SILENT. Whew.

Bill looks around. He nervously steps forward - he waves

his hand over the floor, and jumps back. Nothing happens.

Bill signals for Mrs. Chun to go first. She gestures

back:
you go. It’s a stand-off. Finally, Bill takes a

breath -- and walks across the room. The Booby Traps are

disarmed. Mrs. Chun follows, pulling Julie along.

.

BILL:

Thank you, Shane. You were always my best

man. I knew you’d figure it out.

Shane scowls, disgusted.

BILL (CONT’D)

You know, if you’re willing to join up,

I’d be happy to cut you in on the

proceeds. What do you say -- we make a

good team?

SHANE:

I was devoted to you, sir. And you

betrayed all of that. All that we stand

for.

99.

Beat. Bill shrugs.

BILL:

I’ll take that as a “no.”

Bill turns to the safe. He starts to reach for the

dial... then catches himself. Something’s not right.

BILL (CONT’D)

... I think you better open it.

Shane reaches for the safe, before he reaches the dial --

BILL (CONT’D)

Wait. That’s just what you want isn’t it?

Bill thinks, trying to read Shane’s poker face. Shane

shrugs. Bill gestures to Mrs. Chun.

BILL (CONT’D)

You open it.

Mrs. Chun doesn’t budge.

BILL (CONT’D)

Oh come on. I walked the floor first.

Reluctantly - Mrs. Chun reaches out, and touches the

dial. Nothing happens. Relief. She turns it, and ZAPPPPP!

1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her, her hair on end, shaking

from the voltage...

Bill is off guard, Shane kicks his gun away! The gun

skids into the acid and plunges, SIZZLING. Bill is

incensed, but Shane gazes coldly.

.

SHANE:

There will be no mercy.

BILL:

None requested.

Full of himself, Bill LUNGES. And he’s strong! He

shoves Shane back, then PUNCHES him in the gut.

Shane glares, then returns an onslaught of BLOWS.

Shane’s fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks, hitting

Bill’s arms, head, legs! He’s crazed, unrelenting.

But suddenly Mrs. Chun LEAPS onto his back.

MRS. CHUN

AAAAAA!

100.

She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. Shane struggles to

lose her. Suddenly, he drops and FLIPS her. She

catapults, stumbles backwards across the room, and stops

just inches from the acid! She teeters, tottering,

unable to gain her balance.

Shane shakes his head, then runs to grab her outstretched

hand. She smiles, saved. But he’s unforgiving.

SHANE:

You’re a... terrible neighbor.

Shane COLD-C*CKS her, knocking her out. Suddenly -

JULIE:

Shane! Watch out!

Bill is charging him. Shane whirls, delivering a

ROUNDHOUSE KICK. OOF! Bill gets slammed in the chest.

Bill tumbles, the wind knocked out of him. He jumps to

his feet, delivering a series of hard punches, which

Shane deflects -- they tangle like pro’s. It’s clear the

both have the same training. They punch, spin, kick,

connecting only occasionally. Bill wheels around and

lands a kicks squarely in Shane’s chest. Shane tumbles,

landing on his back in front of the safe.

ANGLE - BILL

He steps over Shane. Leering mercilessly, he jabs the

spike against Shane’s throat.

BILL:

Any last words?

Julie gasps. Shane narrows his eyes, then whispers/sings.

SHANE:

... Say, good night, Peter Panda!

The CODE! A BELL rings, and the safe door flies open!

SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill’s collapses and

drops. K.O.!

EXT. PLUMMER’S STREET - SAME TIME

The minivan races toward the house. The Police Cars

chase after, SIRENS wailing.

IN THE VAN, everyone is SCREAMING.

101.

TODD:

Zoe! You’re going too fast!! You’re not

gonna have enough time to stop-

ZOE:

Hey, I’M the one in Driver’s Ed! I think

I know what I’m doing!!

WIDE:

She squeals into the driveway, then BRAKES.

But it’s too late. The van SKIDS, smoke BURNING from the

tires -- and hits a tree. The Kid spill out and run.

The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. POLICE leap

from the car.

INT. SECRET VAULT - SAME TIME

Shane and Julie stare at each other, then look in the

safe:

Inside, the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A

tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Shane gently removes it.

SHANE:

... GHOST.

They look in silence. She smiles at Shane, grateful.

JULIE:

Thank you Shane. It’s finally over. Now

we can go back to our peaceful...

Then -- a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them:

BULLHORN (V.O.)

FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

EXT. HOUSE - SAME TIME

Total commotion. The kids clamber from the van, with

their hands raised. Cops surround them. Even Peter and

Tyler have their little hands over their heads. The

garage door raises, Shane steps out.

SHANE:

Whoa, WHOA! What are you doing to these

kids??

CUTE COP:

FREEZE. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.

102.

Cops cover Shane and Julie, Julie and Shane Freeze.

ZOE:

But, officer...

CUTE COP:

I said FREEZE. Zoe, you’re in a lot of

trouble... Reckless endangerment!

Driving without a license. Numerous,

uh... traffic violations -

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