The Pacifier Page #20

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SHANE:

(cutting him off)

These kids are heroes. They just aided

in exposing a high-level espionage ring.

I suggest you call the FBI. Now.

Silence. The Cops are unsure what to do. He scoffs.

CUTE COP:

You expect me to believe any of that?

Suddenly -- a CRAZED SCREAM.

MR. CHUN (O.S.)

EVERYBODY! HIT THE GROUND!!!

WIDE:

Everyone spins. Mr. Chun stands inside the gate,

pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. He’s disheveled and manic.

MR. CHUN (CONT’D)

I WANT THE GHOST, TEN MILLION DOLLARS,

AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG!

The cops freeze, helpless. Shane weighs his not so many

options... Nobody is sure what to do.

But then -- a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence, vaults

onto Chun, and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop.

PRINCIPAL CLAIRE

Ya!!

Claire lands on her feet, triumphant. Even Chun is

amazed, as he turns his head, Shane spins, and grabs the

rocket launcher.

CLOSE-UP - SHANE

He breaks into a big grin.

103.

CLOSE-UP - CLAIRE

She proudly smiles back at him.

ANGLE - THE CUTE COP

He’s flummoxed. This chaos is unsolvable. Beaten, he

reaches for his radio.

COP:

I think I’ll call the FBI.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - LATER

F.B.I. AGENTS swarm the area. Bill and the Chuns are

being hauled away in cuffs. Julie huddles with the kids.

Shane talks with an F.B.I. Agent.

.

F.B.I. AGENT

Mr. Wolfe... that was nice work. You’re

a one-man battalion.

SHANE:

Just doing my job.

F.B.I. AGENT

The Bureau is always looking for good

men. Do you have a card or something?

The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD, then walks off.

Shane examines it, swelling with pride.

INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS

The Kids are looking around, watching the FBI Agents

work. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around.

LULU:

Do you have to wear that thing in your

ear all the time?

FBI AGENT:

Yes.

LULU:

Does it itch?

FBI AGENT:

Yes...

104.

Zoe is looking at the safe. She sees, fallen onto the

floor, from the safe, a letter. Her siblings, and Julie

notice, and gather around. Zoe reads the LETTER:

ZOE:

If you’re reading this, then Julie found

the key. Julie, Tyler, Peter, Zoe, Todd,

Lulu -- I want to say: I love you more

than anything. I always have.

A tear comes to her eye. The Plummers hug each other.

EXT. THE PLUMMER HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Claire walks up to Shane. Mock-angry.

PRINCIPAL CLAIRE

So. What happens now? You’ll be stationed

somewhere else, right? I guess there’s no

more reason for you to stick around here.

Shane looks at her. He looks around: at the family. He

looks at Claire....

SHANE:

Well. I’m kinda, re-conning the

situation, here... And to tell the truth.

I don’t see anything but reasons to stay.

.

PRINCIPAL CLAIRE

So... What’s the next move?

Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close.

SHANE:

... I don’t know. I’m on dry land. You’re

the superior office. You tell me.

PRINCIPAL CLAIRE

Well. Summer’s almost here. What if you

and me did a little amphibious recon

mission. On, say -- Maui?

SHANE:

Sir yes sir.

Claire beams. The Plummers all approach, interrupting.

Zoe gives them a look -- that makes Shane and Claire

BLUSH. Lulu turns to Shane, sad.

LULU:

This is it. Your work here is through.

Guess you have to go now...

105.

She puts out her hand, to shake his.

SHANE:

Ah, come here you.

He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -- he hugs the whole

family at once, squeezing them off the ground. He puts

them down. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe

-his medal. He squeezes her hand around it.

ZOE:

But...

SHANE:

He would’ve wanted me to give it to

someone I care about. Like he did. Thank

you. For everything.

.

PETER:

Love you, Shane.

TIGHT - SHANE

This is too much. He wipes his face.

SHANE:

Your dad would be so proud.

Shane bawls -- he can’t keep it in. He starts to head

off, Lulu calls after him:

LULU:

Shane, we’re never gonna see you again!

SHANE:

What are you talking about? I’m gonna

see you Friday night.

A long beat. Julie looks up, baffled.

JULIE:

What’s Friday night?

INT. VICTORIA THEATRE, BACKSTAGE - NIGHT

Close on Shane:

SHANE:

Tonight is the night we trained for, and

failure is not an option! No detail is

too small! We are the BEST! Remember

your lines, hit your marks, and stay in

character! I expect perfection!

.

(MORE)

106.

SHANE(CONT'D)

(he grins)

Now let’s break a leg.

Wider reveals the Cast of ‘The Sound of Music’.

CUT TO:

Shane’s military-march version of the musical. Nuns sing

“How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?” The Von Trapp

kids perform “So Long, Farewell.”

In the audience, Julie watches in astonishment. She is

surrounded by her children. Scott: in a suit, his hair

combed, Claire:
dressed to the nines, the little Brownie

Troop, even Murney. Lulu has a basket in her lap --

inside:
GARY THE DUCK and his new family, the most

adorable ducklings you ever saw.

They all watch, rapt.

You Are Sixteen begins. Shane watches with bated breath.

Todd spins. In SLOW MOTION, he leaps into the SPIN KICK.

It’s fantastic -- a Michael Jordan dunk. The AUDIENCE

goes nuts, Shane stands, and shouts:

SHANE (CONT’D)

YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah!

The Audience stares at him, until he sits back down,

beaming with pride.

Finally:
“CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN.” Hearts swell, as the

family crosses the papier-m.ch. alps.

A STANDING OVATION. The performers take their curtain

calls, then giddily gesture Shane to come out. He humbly

steps into view -- and the house goes crazy. Thundering

applause. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on

him. Shane smiles, touched. Mission accomplished.

FADE OUT.

THE END:

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