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The Pacifier Page #8
MURNEY (CONT’D)
Looks like pretty boy there’s all bark
and no bite.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
... Don’t even think it, Murney. He’d
kill you so fast, I wouldn’t even have
time to get my camera.
Shane looks exhausted. Peter is asleep in his shoulder,
Tyler is crying, as he keeps watch. The Principal strolls
up.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
Another day, another dollar twenty, minus
taxes... aren’t you gonna change him?
SHANE:
I’d love to, for one who’ll eat, and not
cry.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
That’s not what I mean, Lt.
Then Shane smells what she means -- Tyler’s diaper is
full. Shane recoils in disgust, holding Tyler out like a
grenade.
SHANE:
Oh --change him. Roger that. Uh...
Panicked, he pushes Tyler towards the Principal.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
Sirnosir. Not my job.
SHANE:
But...
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
Instructions are right on the box.
Bathroom’s down the hall. Have fun.
40.
Just then, an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. He looks at
his tracker:
it’s flashing RED 3 RED 3. Shane hands offPeter and Tyler to the Principal.
SHANE:
Emergency!
INT. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Shane runs down the hall, following his tracking device.
It leads him to a door. He bursts though it, doing a
shoulder roll.
INT. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS
2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Lulu is in front of
the class, with the Panic Button in her hand. The board
reads:
SHOW AND TELL. Shane lands in fight stance -- theClass applauds. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE
BOY with a FROG. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him.
LULU:
See! My nanny can kick your nanny’s butt.
Shane is furious, but the FINAL BELL rings. At that
moment, his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He looks:
CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1
and RED 2, are heading away from the school fast.
.
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. He hands
her to the Principal.
SHANE:
Thanks.
EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL - CONTINUOUS
Shane dives into the Minivan. The DOTS on the tracker are
headed North. He speeds away after them.
EXT. BUSY INTERSECTION - MOMENTS LATER
The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side, racing
down the road ahead of Shane. They make a sharp right.
Shane makes a right, almost tipping the minivan. He
blasts through a red light.
41.
EXT. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE - MOMENTS LATER
He turns a corner -- a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site.
He leaps out of the minivan. He looks at the tracker: Zoe
and Todd are dead ahead, through the fence.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - CONTINUOUS
Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other
side of the plywood wall -- Shane KICKS out one entire
section, and charges through.
CONSTRUCTION WORKER
What hell do you think you’re doing?
He turns around, to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS, all
brandishing tools.
SHANE:
Tell me where the kids are and I’ll let
you all live!
CONSTRUCTION WORKER
Buddy, you’re about to get a beat down.
Three Workers rush him. Shane easily takes them out. The
remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -- then RUN.
.
ANGLE - SHANE
He’s alone. He catches his breath, then checks his
tracker. Todd and Zoe’s BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE.
Shane pries off the manhole cover. He looks down.
IN THE MANHOLE - It’s dark and dank.
No sweat. Shane lowers himself down.
Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. He
winces, then checks the tracker -- the DOTS are CLOSE,
feet away. Shane trudges through the river of muck.
SHANE:
Red 1? Red 2?
It’s horrific. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. He’s almost there!
He splashes around a corner -- then gasps -- he sees the
blinking lights below the surface. He takes a deep
breath and dives under. He comes up for air with ZOE and
TODD’S HOMING BEACONS. A note is tied to them: “Ha! Ha!”
42.
INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER
Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room.
From outside, they hear the front door open, and the
sound of OMINOUS, SQUISHY footsteps.
Then the door swings open, revealing Shane, looking like
a Swamp Creature. Everyone gasps, then covers their
noses. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. Todd
stiffens. Zoe fixes her hair. The Cop looks at them.
CUTE COP:
14 year old Male, weird hair. 16 year old
female. Ditto. (into his radio:) Cancel
that a.p.b..
The Cop turns to Shane, with a smirk.
CUTE COP (CONT'D)
In the future, use our nonemergency
number. That’s the one to call if
nobody’s fleein’ or bleedin’.
The Cop leaves, Zoe checks him out as he goes...
CLAIRE:
Shane are you okay?
SHANE:
(eerily calm:
)Just fine, thank you.
Covering her nose. The smell is BAD.
CLAIRE:
I should probably get going then. If you
need anymore help... Call.
She practically GAGS as she passes him. Shane looks
around at Scott and Zoe, he doesn’t say anything, but
with his hand he makes a “my eyes on you” gesture.
INT. BATHROOM - LATER
Shane is in the shower. He pours an entire bottle of
SHAMPOO over himself.
Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue.
43.
INT. KITCHEN - LATER
Tyler is in a high-chair, Peter rocks in a cradle-swing.
Shane enters, in just a towel. He sees on the fridge;
Helga’S SHOPPING LIST -- all junk food. He looks at it,
cringing in disgust, before he notices:
Sitting around the table are Lulu’s entire BROWNIE TROOP
-a dozen little girls in uniforms, they’re staring at
him. The Brownies applaud, and whistle.
BROWNIE:
Woo hoo! Hubba hubba!
Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room, pulling
Lulu after him.
SHANE:
Who are those people?
LULU:
It’s my troop, it’s Monday. Monday,
Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights.
SHANE (O.S.)
Get rid of them.
LULU:
I can’t. Everybody’s parents go out on
troop nights. They won’t be home ‘til
ten. Mom’s our den mother.
Lulu starts to sniffle, close to tears.
LULU (CONT’D)
Tonight we’re supposed to sell cookies.
SHANE:
Selling cookies isn’t imperative to my
mission.
LULU:
We have to. If we don’t sell enough
cookies, we can’t go the Jamboree, and if
we can’t go to the Jamboree.
(whispers:
)Come on, Shane. You gotta help me out.
They already think I’m a loser. And it’s
not like I have any other friends, cause
mom never lets me out of her sight...
44.
Lulu’s about to burst into tears. Shane sighs.
Shane, back in “uniform,” paces in front of the Brownie
Troop. They are assembled, at attention, Indian Style.
SHANE:
Alright, ladies. Here’s how it’s gonna
be. Tonight, I’m gonna be your den --
commander. That means if you want to live
to see tomorrow, do as I say. DO WE
UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER?
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"The Pacifier" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_pacifier_1005>.
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