The Paleface Page #5

But all I can say is that I'm depending on

you more than I depended on anyone else before.

Please. All right. I'll go.

But it's the last time you'll

make a monkey out of me.

And you know that statue you told

me about? Tell them to carve on it...

"Painless Potter:

Schmo. "

I'll be seeing you. You too. Hey, look.

What's that? Some other guy you kissed?

I'll explain later. There's no time

for questions. Please, trust me.

I don't understand this

whole situation- - Please.

All right, I'm goin'. Don't get

the idea that I'm scared or nervous.

Because I'm not.

Who- -

Shh. Shh. Get out of here...

before I sic a mouse on you.

Shh.

Shh.

Hey, they got dynamite-

Joe.

Fool.

Come on, we gotta get this stuff out of

here fast. We're usin' the dentist's wagon...

in case

there's a slipup.

Come on,

hurry it up.

Take it easy.

Reach, you varmints, or

I'll tattoo you the hard way!

Uh-huh. I know all about you and your

dynamite. You were gonna give it to the Indians.

Well, I'm gonna take you down to the sheriff's

office and have a talk about your future.

If any.

Now, get goin'!

Painless Potter

rides again! I- -

And then I found out

that you were captured too.

I'd been meaning to tell you anyway. Hearing

those drums, I figured this was my last chance.

Then it wasn't me

that shot all those Indians?

And I didn't even

shoot Joe?

And any minute

I could have been killed?

Now, I worry.

Sayin' I'm sorry is like spittin'

in your eye, and I'm sayin' it.

Me, a hero?

Boy, I couldn't save a clam

from a bowl of chowder.

I bet I handed you a lot of laughs.

What a sucker I've been. What a boob.

There ain't low enough words

for what I've done to you.

There are now. I just thought

of a couple of new ones.

And all the time, I thought you were about

the finest thing that ever came into my life.

That's what sticks

in my craw.

Painless.

What now?

There's one more thing

I gotta tell you.

I gotta tell you that I love

you. What's this, another laugh?

No. I think youre the kindest,

bravest man I've ever known.

Oh, sure.

And I want to tell you this now because...

we may not get out of this alive.

Yeah, well, if it

hadn't been for you-

Well, what do you know.

What's the matter?

No stars.

Hoo!

Maybe he's-

Hey!

What's the matter? You trying to

dirty my scalp even before you get it?

How.

Not so good.

Me Yellow Feather.

Me chief of tribe.

Me greet

paleface warrior.

Oh! Well, I think you got

the wrong person. She's the-

Yeah. Me very big

paleface warrior.

You strong here.

Yeah, heap big heap.

Paleface more brave

than all white warriors.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

Yellow Feather know

you kill 11 his best braves.

Fifteen! Painless, tell him the truth.

Eleven.

That's not what I mean.

Yellow Feather, he didn't have

anything to do with this. I got him-

Ho gon se!

Let her breathe.

Paleface warrior

get much praise.

My tribe

make big honor.

Fine!

Ga on wah sa ah.

Yellow Feather, please! No,

not that! Not to him! Huh?

How!

Yeah, I'll let you know.

I don't know what he said, but it didn't

sound like he was inviting me to a picnic.

What did he say? I'd

rather not talk about it.

Yeah, but I don't like surprises.

Am I gonna get shot by arrows?

Burned at the stake? Boiled

in a pot? Am I getting warm?

Painless, can you take

it? No, but tell me anyway.

Well, with Indians, the bigger hero

you are, the greater the torture.

Yeah, but... what can

they do? What's left?

Well- -

Two trees.

They bend one tree down. Then

they bend the other tree down.

And they tie one of your

legs to this tree. Mine?

And they tie your

other leg to this tree.

Then,

they cut the ropes.

That's me?

If I were a chicken bone,

I could make a wish.

At a time like this,

he has to be off-key.

Don't pull,

you'll get your half.

Soh goth to naugh hon

yah! That's your story.

I think it's time I told you,

I'm not this brave.

Just think, I'll be traveling

east and west at the same time.

Painless!

Painless.

Oh, don't worry, honey.

Maybe in the next world you'll meet two

nice fellas. Look close, they'll both be me.

Let's be fair.

Gee nah!

Ge a deck a da wa!

Nejen eh saw!

Pe ko me Ken!

Wapato medicine bad.

Shame us

with white squaw.

Go. You will not come back.

Ne wah!

Ne wah!

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Help. Help.

Help. Help.

I better get goin'.

Jane! She's still there. And

it's up to me to save her.

Hold it, impulsive. If those Indians

grab you, you know what'll happen to you.

We don't like that, do we?

What are you, a man or mouse?

I'm not a mouse and I'm not a man. I'm

a dentist. Yeah, but the girl loves you.

Yeah. Yeah,

and I love her too.

But if they get me, my life

won't be worth a plug nickel.

What'll your life

be worth without her?

Oh, now don't get sentimental with

me. Let's look at it logically.

If I go back, those Indians will part my

hair down to my toes. How can that help Jane?

Suit yourself. If you think you

can spend those long evenings...

just thinkin' about how you might have

saved her, it's all right with me.

Oh, stop, stop. I'll go. But don't forget,

I'll always hate you for being stubborn.

Besides, I have to pick up

my other boot.

How! How.

You like to trade? Clothes?

Me take those, huh? Like that?

Why, you!

I got him! I got

him! Ya-hoo-hoo!

How. How. How.

Well, Chief, this completes

our part of the bargain.

You bring long rifles,

dynamite?

An ample supply. All

is in order. Esta exsa.

You low-down, stinkin', coyote!

You're the one I've been lookin' for.

Hold her!

Well- -

That's your federal agent.

What are you gonna do with her?

Burn. Take more than a

governor's pardon to save you now.

Esta exsa!

Come. We talk.

Hubby-hubby.

Hubby-hubby.

# East is east

please don't cry #

# This is your hubby

Painless #

Hubby-hubby.

Hubby-hubby.

Medicine man

come back!

Burn him. Burn him

with white squaw.

Ojesa!

Wapato! Wapato!

Wapato! Wapato!

Wapato!

Wapato.

Ojesta!

Ojesta! Ojesta!

Hey!

Ojesta!

You don't know what you're

doing. Don't worry, I'll save ya.

Who they gonna burn over

there? The medicine man.

Serves him right for practicing

without a license. Ya-hoo!

I got 'em fooled, all right. They think youre

the medicine man they're gonna burn.

Ya!

Ye- ye-

Me?

Don't move.

I'll try to lead 'em away.

Something might work out.

Ojesta!

Ojesta!

Ojesta! Ojesta!

What's the matter

with you?

Why, you crazy Indian!

Sorry, ma'am.

How.

Didn't I tell you

I'd save you.

Boy, it smells like somebody's

been cooking cauliflower in here.

Come on, get out of

here. I'll see ya around.

Jago mick we!

Hey, fellas,

wait for me!

Wa-hoo!

Grab a rifle

and start shootin'!

Yeah.

Give me

one of those guns!

Yes, ma'am. Here, take any size

you want, honey. Why, we'll get-

Get back! It's not safe! Yes, ma'am.

They're walkin'

right into our trap.

A billiard!

Pretty tricky,

those foreigners.

Where's my rifle?

They wanted dynamite, huh?

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