The Pallbearer

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Bill?

Bill?

Are you in there?

I feel I have a great deal of promise.

- Promise?

- Yes, unlimited potential.

- I graduated near the top of my class.

- Uh-huh.

I see you've been out of school

for a year already.

Well, okay, yes. But I think

that's a little misleading.

I look at this past year

as a period of real growth for me...

in terms of preparation

for the future.

- What are your goals?

- Goals? You mean

in terms of architecture?

Where do you see yourself,

let's say, five years from now?

Oh. Well, um...

It would be great to get this job

so I can get out of my mom's house.

No. Five years from now.

I'd have to say...

Well on my way, sir.

That's where I see myself.

I see a lot of room

for me to grow here,

and I don't want you to concern

yourself with this past year.

I'm the first to admit

I had a little difficulty...

just as far as

forward momentum,

but I've had a lot

of job interviews recently,

and I don't want to say anything,

but I feel like I'm on the verge

of a real breakthrough, I really do.

And I think big things

are gonna happen.

Well, I'm certainly

on your side, Tim.

- Tom.

- Tom.

Tom Thompson.

Hello?

Tom!

Tom!

Tom!

- Phone call.

- Who is it?

It's a girl.

- Hey, what's this friggin' lock?

- Not now.

Hey!

- Hello?

- Is this Tom?

Tom Thompson?

- Who is this?

- It's Ruth Abernathy, Bill's mom.

Bill's... dead.

- I have to talk to you.

I'm, like, shaking.

- Did you get the job?

- Do you remember a guy

named Bill Abernathy?

- No. So you didn't get the job.

This has nothing to do with the job.

Come on, think. From high school?

- Look, I don't remember him.

Are you okay?

- No?

- Is that your Brooks Brothers?

- I had to do some research at the firm.

- You can't bowl in your Brooks Brothers.

- Where's Brad?

He's on the phone.

He won't get off.

Glass. Brad Glass.

Right, from Brooklyn.

No, no, no,

United States.

Sorry to wake you.

What time there?

He's been trying

to reach that guy in Japan

about that stupid dog breeding thing.

- We have to talk to you. Hang up.

- Miss Tsumaki. Miss Tsumaki!

Six dollars a minute,

this woman keeps putting me on hold.

- Did you get the job?

- Get off. I have to talk to you.

- Is that your Brooks Brothers?

- Do you remember

a guy named Bill Abernathy?

- Miss Tsumaki?

- What happened at the interview?

- They claim they're gonna call me.

- Hello? Hello? Listen.

Very important. I need feedback

from husband about business proposal.

- Can he call back?

I have him call you back.

- Chihuahua.

- Okay. I call back.

- Yeah, call back.

- I call back.

- Call back.

- Okay. Bye-bye. Bye!

- Good-bye. 'Bye.

Listen, I'm trying to run

a business here. That's a business call.

I'm sorry to interrupt your business

call, but Bill Abernathy is dead.

Who's Bill Abernathy?

Before I get the chance to tell

this very mysterious-sounding woman...

that I basically have

no recollection of her son,

- she just starts crying.

- She cried?

- Jesus, who is this woman?

- I don't know.

But there were these long stretches,

nothing but crying, for like minutes.

I feel really bad for the lady.

She sounds like

a nice, warm person.

- So I guess I'm gonna need a suit.

- For what?

Hello? What have we been talking

about? I'm gonna be a pallbearer.

- What?

- You didn't get out of it?

Are you done laughing? This is

my whole point. I'm in big trouble.

- How could you tell her "yes"?

- I told you, there was crying.

How am I supposed to

respond to that?

Call her up.

Tell her you got back trouble.

It's no good.

I am in, I am committed.

I am just gonna have to

do this one little thing for her.

It starts off as

one little thing, all of a sudden

you're enmeshed in a situation.

- This could be part

of a whole scam operation.

- What?

One minute you're

carrying this guy's coffin,

the next you're lying in a ditch naked.

- Is that suit black?

- No, it's a charcoal gray weave

with a chalk stripe. Why?

- What are you, 40 regular?

Scott, please.

- No, no.

I wear this suit to work.

This is my main work suit.

I have a problem here.

I have to look presentable.

This is a $600 suit.

- Now I'm starting to see you

for who you really are.

- Come on.

No, I'm serious. What if it were Brad

lying in the coffin?

Whoa! What are you

talkin' about, "Brad"?

Hey, all the sh*t you eat,

your heart's a time bomb.

That's nice. That's a nice thing.

I've had enough. I gotta go.

- What do you mean? We're not done here.

- Hey, it's 10:
30.

So? It's Tuesday night.

Can you believe him?

It's 10:
30 already?

Come on, let's go.

If you don't lend me the suit,

Scott, I can't do it, I can't go.

- I'll have to call her back.

- That's good.

You don't need this right now.

- And don't forget the wedding shower.

- Oh, yeah. I'm not going.

- You're going. You're the best man.

- No.

How can he marry her?

She's like an albatross around his neck.

You don't understand.

It's called a relationship.

Oh, what?

Cynthia's an albatross.

Bring some wine, okay?

You better come.

- Cynthia. Hi.

- Oh, hi!

Oh, my God, you'll

never believe who's coming.

- How could you invite Jared Schneidman?

- Just relax and you'll be fine.

- Why?

- Is that what you're wearing?

Of course, it's what I'm wearing.

We're here.

- Wait. Who's coming?

- Now, don't panic.

- I'm not.

- Good. I ran into her

at D'Agostino's this morning.

- Cynthia!

- Who?

- Hi!

- Who?

- I'll be right back.

- I'm sorry.

- Oh, Cynthia, come o...

- There's a lot

of single women here tonight.

- Who's coming, Scott?

- What are you talking about?

Cynthia said someone is coming.

It's not that Loretta person, is it?

Because that did not work out.

- Sweetheart...

- Shut up!

What the f...

That is not good dip!

Oh, gee. There she goes again.

Do you see how she,

like, spits?

...before you listen to me, Brad.

- Sweetheart...

- Shut up with the "sweetheart"!

- I don't understand.

You haven't the vaguest...

Isn't that Julie DeMarco?

- I have to borrow a shirt.

- How many times do I have to tell you...

- What are you doing?

- That's Julie DeMarco out there.

Don't you have any regular shirts?

Like, just a shirt?

What are you talking about?

Like that. That's a good shirt.

Don't you have any shirts like that?

- Yeah, I'm wearing it.

- Take it off.

- What?

- I have to borrow the shirt, Scott.

- What is this obsessin

with my clothes?

- I was in love with her, okay?

- So?

- "So"? So I haven't

seen her since high school.

Imagine that she sees me

and I'm wearing the same f***in' shirt!

Look, I just got this shirt.

- Guys.

- He wants to borrow my shirt now.

Whatever. We gotta

do something about the dip.

Lauren's having a frigging

conniption out there.

Did you leave your answering machine

on? I gave Tsumaki the phone number.

I got a line on a couple

of prize-winning dogs.

- What's wrong with the dip?

- Lauren's sisters are

all lactose-intolerant.

"Lactose"?

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