The Pallbearer Page #2

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Don't marry her, Brad.

- Lauren...

- He doesn't care. Julie, Julie.

Is it too much to ask that I could have

one dip for me and my sisters to enjoy?

- What about salsa?

- Salsa! I love... I love salsa.

T... Tom! You remember Julie DeMarco.

She's back in Brooklyn.

Oh! Hi, sure, yes.

Didn't you move away senior year?

- Yeah, Long Island.

- Her father made

a killing in real estate.

Julie's right.

Salsa, guacamole. It is so obvious.

You know what? I think I have

some avocado in the kitchen.

- Let's take a look.

- I just want to tell you one thing.

- Did you ever think salsa or guacamole?

- Okay.

So, you... Wow.

You look, uh, really...

Oh, God.

Well, that's really...

Hey, Mary Lou!

God! Jared Schneidman?

I-I know.

D-Do you know he's engaged?

He is not! Oh, my God!

- Everybody's getting married.

- I know! It's like

a virus or something.

I know. I mean, I was,

you know, supposed to, but...

- Oh.

- You know, it didn't work out.

But, yeah...

But I thought for sure you would

have been snatched up by now.

Oh...

So you remember me?

Tom! What,

are you kidding?

So you think I would

have been snatched up, huh?

Well, you know, a lot of giris

were, uh, after you.

- No.

- Yes.

- No.

- Yes!

- What about that girl?

- Who?

Oh, you know, uh, Shelly.

Shelly What's-Her-Name. She loved you.

- I have no idea

who you're talking about.

- Yes, you do.

Remember, you guys did that play,

that musical together?

- Musical? No, I don't...

- Yeah, you were great.

You had a great voice.

I don't... sing.

What do you mean?

I'm Tom Thompson.

We were in band together.

Oh.

- You okay?

- Please, I'm fine.

This is good. It's time you let go

of Julie DeMarco, just move past her.

So I've decided. You should

ask Julie DeMarco out for coffee.

She's one of the sweetest people

I have ever, ever known.

Yeah, Tom, did you see those legs?

Forget about it.

- You were staring at her legs?

- No, not for me, for Tom.

- I can't believe you.

- What?

You should be staring at my legs.

I've been staring

at your legs for nine years.

What are you saying?

You're tired of my legs?

No, Cynthia,

I'm agreeing with you.

I'm saying that Tom should ask

Julie DeMarco out for coffee.

- Don't you think he should?

- Yes!

Are you okay?

Please, I'm fine.

How was the party?

It was okay.

Gonna see your father on Sunday?

I don't know, Ma.

Anything new?

Good night, Ma.

See ya tomorrow.

Ohh.

Tom.

I got in touch

with Jimmy Gold.

He's coming down

from Boston.

And then the cousins

from Jersey.

Maybe, you know,

a friend from the gym.

We might be one or two short

on the pallbearers.

Mrs. Abernathy,

I am really sorry.

I wish there was something

I could do to help you out.

I know how you feel.

You do?

- I'm giving the eulogy.

- What?

- Ruth Abernathy came to my house.

- Jesus, you didn't get out of it?

- You're getting enmeshed.

- Are you having a thing?

Tom, don't get upset.

Brad and Lauren just stopped by.

- It's not like a thing thing.

- Is that lasagna?

- I can't believe you people.

It's just like a conspiracy.

- No, it's not!

- If you must know, this was my idea.

- Oh, your idea.

- We're two couples having dinner.

- I need to be a couple now.

- Not everything's about you, Tom.

- That's right. It's all about you...

and your sisters and all

your dietary restrictions.

All right, that's it!

I've had your sh*t...

- Let's go. I'm ready for you now.

- Relax.

- Get you a drink, Tom?

- Yes, you can, Cynthia.

- And some lasagna. Thank you.

- Take it easy.

I don't know.

What about the chess club? Can't

we do anything with the chess club?

It should be personal.

I mean, you loved the guy.

- I did not love the guy.

- Maybe you traveled together.

Yeah, excellent!

Scott, read that back.

Okay. "Chess. You loved him.

Traveled together."

- Okay. We are on our way.

- You traveled together playing chess.

- Yes! Yes!

- Through China.

You played chess in China

and then you fell in love.

See, that doesn't help.

You don't know this Ruth Abernathy

person. She means business.

- So, Scott, you're

coming with me, right?

- What, to the funeral? No.

- Scott!

How about giving

a little moral support?

- Yeah, Scott, I need some moral support.

- Don't worry.

- I'll support you, Tom.

- Just Scott.

- Hi. How are you?

- It's Julie DeMarco.

What, she just

comes over now?

Hi. I'm sorry I missed

the lasagna, but I got... Anyway.

Here are the magazines

we were talking about.

- So. What's going on?

- We're writing a eulogy.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Don't worry. We didn't know the guy.

You guys are going to someone's funeral

who you don't know?

- Actually, they're not going. I'm going.

- Scott and I are going.

- Why don't you come too?

- You're inviting me to a funeral?

- Yes!

It's not like it's a real funeral.

- It is! It's a funeral.

- If she's going, I'm allowed to go.

- She is not going.

- Typical bullshit.

- Tom!

- It's okay.

Obviously, Tom does not want me to go

to this funeral thing and that's fine.

- I have nothing against you

going personally...

- All right, we're all going.

No, no, no.

Only if it's okay with Tom.

- Tom, is it okay?

- Is it okay, Tom? Come on.

- That's the dead guy's mother?

- Uh-huh.

Jesus.

Thank you.

Excuse me. My condolences.

Who will perform the eulogy?

The tall young man with

the dark suit and hair. Tom Thompson.

Thank you so much.

Ring any bells?

No.

Mr. Thompson,

if you would please, sir.

Good luck.

Who is Bill Abernathy?

This is not

an easy question to answer.

I could spend countless hours

recounting my personal experiences...

with Bill.

The chess club.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Instead I ask,

who is the real Bill Abernathy?

What is the single...

elusive, intangible,

inner quality...

that makes... made...

Bill...

Shh.

Bill.

Well, folks, I don't...

I don't have that answer.

Who really does?

Shh.

Pull ahead.

- I got it.

- All right.

Here we go.

- So, you guys, I don't think

this is funny, all right?

- We don't think it's funny.

- We weren't laughing.

- Yes, you were.

I can't, you know...

- That was a sneeze.

- I don't think it's funny.

I just don't understand.

We weren't laughing.

I'll see you all later.

I don't feel like staying.

I'm very... I'm gonna go.

Julie! Julie!

- Ohh!

- Come right this way, please.

- Julie! Where are you goin'?

- Come on, I'm losing him!

What are you doing?

- Julie!

- Come on! Hey, hey, wait!

Where... Where are you going?

- What are you doing?

- Where are you going?

- I'm leaving. This isn't funny.

- I know. I felt terrible.

So, you remember him?

- What?

- I saw you in the chapel.

You were crying.

Hey, buddy,

are you kidding with this?

Do you mind?

We're about to bury this guy.

This is a person.

This is a person's life.

I don't remember him.

- Oh.

- Hey, what's goin' on over there?

It was just so, so sad.

I don't know what the hell he's doing.

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