The Palm Beach Story Page #4

We have a wonderful idea. The other

members and myself, having talked it over...

We have a private car.

We have tons of tickets.

I could never accept. We're just

goin' to Savannah to shoot quail.

But if you wanna go any further, we'd gladly...

You can be our mascot. You must be our mascot.

Do you think it's all right?

All right? It's perfect.

Oh, then thank you

for your chivalry, gentlemen.

I accept with pleasure.

The pleasure is ours.

This is Asweld of American Asweldocan. Mr. Hinch.

You've heard of Hinch's Emulsin, I presume?

- And I'm McKeewie of the Seventh National.

- And I'm Mrs. Thomas Jeffers, alias Geraldine.

Geraldine.

And thank you for your chivalry.

- Anytime from 8:00 to 12:00.

- Gerry!

Good-bye, dear.

Let me through there.

You got a ticket?

No, you don't.

No ticket, no passage.

All aboard.!

- Gerry! Gerry!

Hiya! Come on in!

Oh, hello! Glad you could come.

Here. Not while we're on duty.

Thanks. Who's the head man here?

You mean the president of the club?

Whoever has the tickets. We don't care.

Oh, Ozzie!

Front and center!

Oh, this is Mr. Osmond, president of

the Ale and Quail Club. How are you?

It's about the tickets.

How many in the party?

How many members in this club?

Well, there's...

there's Ozzie and Hitchie

and him and him.

That makes four. And you

and me. That makes six.

I'm not a member of this club.

Why not?

Oh, it isn't good enough for you, eh? Now, let's

get this straight. How many members are there?

One, two, three,

four, five, six. Six.

All right. That's three.

Now, we'll start from there.

You tryin' to make a liar

out of me? Mr. President,

I move that this member

be expelled!

Second the motion.

All those in favor say "aye"!

Aye.!

All right. We're expelled.

Have a drink, boys.

Okay. That's four.

That's seven!

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

What's the matter with you? You cockeyed?

It ain't me that's cockeyed.

Lookin' for trouble, eh?

Mr. Osmond doesn't always

carry his liquor to perfection.

Now, let's start this all over.

Now, just a moment, Officer.

I'm not an officer.

I'm a conductor on this train.

All in "flavor," say "aye"!

Aye!

Opposed?

Nay!

Opposition vote.

No!

Good night.

Good night.

If there's the slightest trouble, just

knock on my wall. Oh, thank you, Mr...

Don't give it a thought. As I've so often said at dinners

and our little gatherings and... Where's your baggage?

My bag... What? Where's your luggage?

What are you going to sleep in?

Oh, that's quite all right. I'll

just... You see, I left so hurriedly.

Why, bless my soul, you stay right here.

I'll have you a pair of pajamas for you...

What size do you take? Never mind. You'll have to

take my size. They may be a little big, but still...

Suwannee River

That's where the old folks stay

All the worid is sad

and dreary

Everywhere I roam

Oh, darkies, how my heart

grows weary

Far from the old folks

at home

Any calls?

Hello there. Where's that pretty girl with the

nice figure that lives here that I seen yesterday?

Who are you? I'm fine, thanks. How are

you? You must be her husband. Where is she?

- What's that your business?

- I'm in the sausage business. Just wanted to tell her we moved in after all.

- Took the green apartment down the hall that the opera singer moved out of.

- She's gone.

I say she's gone! She's gone to

Florida! She's going to divorce me!

You say she's gone?

That's right.

Good for her.

A pretty girl like that can get anybody.

Why hang around

with a man that can't pay the rent?

Look here, you old rattle-brain, you've made trouble

enough around here without getting insulting about it!

Don't threaten me! I'm twice your age and only half

as big, but I'm mighty handy with a shillelagh...

I'm sorry. I guess you didn't mean any

harm! You're probably very kind at that.

You say she's gone and

left you? That's right.

- How did she go? By train?

- That's right. That's right!

Why don't you fly down there in an "airy-o-plane"

with a bunch of roses in your hand...

and meet her when she gets off

and bring her home?

Because I'm not in the sausage business!

So am I, and it's a good business...

if you know

where to get the meat cheap.

That's my secret,

and I ain't tellin' no one.

- Have you got money for an

"airy-o-plane" ticket? - No!

Then why don't you say so instead of standin'

there like a big stinkweed! How much do you need?

Open the door.!

What'd you say?

Open the door.!

We want you to hear something.

Oh, but I've gone to bed.

That's all right. Get back in

bed. We'll put you to sleep.

Come on in, boys.

Take your places.

Now, we all set?

Everybody all right?

Sweet Adeline

My Adeline

For you I pine

In all my dreams

It's supposed to be a gun club,

not a blasted singin' society.

Make mine with plain water.

Never mind the ice.

Oughta expel 'em all from the club,

the bunch of coeds.

"Sweet Adeline"! Phew!

Never mind the ice.

Just plain water.

Oh, thank you so much.

Bang, bang!

What are you laughin' at?

Never touched them.

Is that so? Bang, bang! I suppose

I never touched 'em that time?

The left one got away. "The left one got

away"! You oughta have your eyes examined.

Toss up a couple of

crackers, George. Yes, sir.

- Ready?

- Bang, bang!

I suppose I missed 'em that time?

Both of'em!

I suppose you could do better?

For 50 bucks!

Fifty bucks! Who'll be the

judge? You'll be the judge.

All right. Go ahead! No. Not with that

old blunderbuss. I'll use my own gun.

"You'll be the judge"! Get me a lot of crackers,

George. I'm gonna take this sucker to the cleaners.

"You'll be the judge. "

For 50 bucks.

Fifty bucks.

And you'll be the judge.

I'll be the judge.

All right. Go ahead!

Yes, sir.

That's 50 bucks.

Bet you can't do it again.

You're on!

Come on! Fifty dollars!

Fifty dollars!

Bang, bang! Bang, bang!

Wait a minute!

You're usin' real shells!

Well, what did you think

I was usin'? Bird seed?

Well, wait a minute. Two can play at that

game. Why, certainly. It's lots of fun.

Toss 'em up, George.!

I wouldn't do that if I were you, gentlemen.

The conductor's apt

to get a little irritated.

- Will ya toss those crackers up?

- Yes, sir.

Wait a minute! You weren't

supposed to shoot that time!

All right. It's my turn this

time. All right. Fifty dollars.

I wouldn't do that if I were you,

gentlemen. You apt to do some damage.

Will you toss 'em up,

or am I gonna toss you up?

No, sir! I mean, yes, sir!

Good night, ladies

Good night, ladies

What was that noise?

We're goin' to leave you now

Merrily we roll along

Roll along, roll along

Fellas! Trap shooting!

What?

Trap shooting!

I wouldn't do that

if I were you, gentlemen.

I wouldn't...

Gentlemen.! Gentlemen.! Remember

we have a lady as our guest.

Gentlemen.!

Gentlemen, if I were you...

Why don't you wait till you...

Gentlemen, please.!

Sorry.

Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry!

Oh, I hope I didn't hurt you!

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