The Palm Beach Story Page #6

don't know, but you'll still get to where you're going.

I don't have to row, do I?

Two prairie oysters.

Oh, very nice. Let's have

that one too. How much is it?

That is 212.50, monsieur.

We'll take it.

We'll take it.

I didn't expect you

to buy me all this stuff.

I really don't think

I can accept it.

If you'd just get me a dress

and some shoes and a hat,

and really more

in the nature of a loan.

Nonsense. It's cheaper in the end

to buy good quality...

and enough of them

so that you don't wear them out.

They last longer, they look better, and

there's a certain pleasure to having a change.

Well, that's awfully kind of you.

Are you sure you can afford all this?

I think so. We haven't done

anything very extravagant yet.

Well, I'd hate to have you

end up on a chain gang.

I think we're still perfectly safe. Oh.

You're really sure it's all right?

Oh, certainly.

You're not a burglar or something?

Oh, no. That was my grandfather.

At least that's what they called him.

Oh. Yes.

Do you like this one?

Oh, it's lovely.

But aren't the sleeves a little short?

Oh, that is for the bracelet, monsieur.

That is what we call the bracelet length.

Oh. Would you like a bracelet?

- What kind of a bracelet do you mean?

- Any kind you like.

You mean with stones? Certainly

with stones! They are all the rage.

Why not? What kind

of stones do you like?

Well...

Red. That is all the rage.

You mean like garnets?

Don't you think garnets

are a little lifeless?

Oh.

Why, certainly.

This is great fun.

I've never bought things for a girl before.

I mean, in any such quantities.

You've been denying yourself, monsieur,

one of the basic pleasures in life.

I guess I have.

All right.

Plus tax.

Yes, it's these taxes

that get you down.

I keep feeling that two men

with butterfly nets...

are going to creep up behind you

and lead you away.

You're thinking of my uncle. I'm not the

crazy one in the family. I'm perfectly normal.

Why do you travel around

in a lower berth?

I find it a little stuffy in an upper.

Oh, you mean why don't I take a stateroom?

Yes.

Staterooms are un-American.

Well, thank you.

Don't mention it.

Now, if you can't think of anything else,

we'd better get started.

Just charge everything, please,

and have it put in the taxi. Good day.

Excuse me. Oh, I'm so sorry. Forgive me.

I'm so used to buying in stores where

I'm known that it totally slipped my mind.

Mr. Ha... Ha... That's all

right. Don't mention it.

Excuse me, please. I didn't... Good day.

Well, what are you standing there for?

Where are the packages?

How about some service?

Why do I got to do everything myself?

Is this yours?

Oh, yes. Actually, it was

my grandfather's, but he didn't like it.

He only used it once.

This was his hat.

Do you happen to remember

how much tip I gave the taxi driver?

Well, I didn't see the coin, but from

his face, I think it was 10 cents.

Tipping is un-American.

What's your name?

Hackensacker.

NotJohn D. Hackensacker!

Oh, I'm not my grandfather, of course.

He's dead anyway. I'm John D. The Third.

Well, then you're one

of the richest men in the worid.

Yes, I suppose so.

I would step on your face.

That's quite all right.

I rather enjoyed it.

Twice!

You made quite an impressin.

May I get you a rug, madam?

Oh, no, thank you.

Will you dine on deck,

Mr. Hackensacker, or in the saloon?

We can have it on deck, if you like,

but it blows everything all over the place.

There are a lot of inconveniences to yachting

that most people don't know anything about.

Give me the peaceful train.

In the saloon, please.

Very good, madam.

See what I mean? I just happen to own

this thing, or I'd never go near it.

Did you say you wereJohn D.

The Third or the Fourth?

The Third. The Fourth

will be my son, when I marry.

Oh. Then it really didn't mean anything

to you to buy me all those things, did it?

Well, I can't pretend that it was a great sacrifice,

but it did give me a great deal of pleasure.

You like to write

in your little book.

It used to please my grandfather.

It's just a habit. It's nonsense really.

I write things down,

but I never add them up.

Where are you staying in

Palm Beach? Oh, no place yet.

Where are you staying?

At my sister's. Oh, yes, the

princess. Or is it the duchess?

Princess Centimillia.

Of course.

What are you going

to Palm Beach for?

A divorce.

Oh.

Well, you needn't look so sour about it. Your

sister's been divorced five times, hasn't she?

No, no. Three.

She was annulled twice.

Oh. Well, I've never

been divorced before.

Good. By the way,

what is your name?

Oh, Jeffers. GeraldineJeffers.

Was he brutal to you?

Oh, not particularly.

A drunkard, huh?

No, not congenital

or anything like that.

Women always protect

the man they've been married to.

Yes, I suppose it's human nature.

Did he beat you?

Not often.

The hound.

Oh, a man's a man, I suppose.

They're all tarred with the same brush.

How brave you are. When I marry,

there'll be no divorce.

That's why I've been

a little cautious.

You're afraid somebody'll marry you

for your money. Oh, I expect that.

When money reaches certain proportions, you

can't ignore it any more than you can a-a...

A horse in a bedroom. I wasn't thinking

exactly of that, but it'll serve.

I see marriage

as a sort of permanent welding,

a growing together of two trees, in spite of

anything my sister can demonstrate to the contrary,

into a sort of permanent

mess... mass,

like a permanent grafting of two trees

into a permanent graft.

Oh, that one's too easy.

Oh, you mean a permanent graft...

I get it. But it doesn't have to be.

It can be very nice, I'm sure.

Oh, it can be. And after

the divorce, you have plans?

Oh, yes. Anybody I know? I know

almost everybody in Palm Beach.

Oh, no. I haven't picked him out yet.

Just some very rich man.

Some very rich man?

Oh, I wasn't thinking of anyone as rich

as you. That might get to be annoying.

It is. Is it? No, I just meant

somebody who's well-fixed...

and could spare the $99,000

without missing it too much.

I'm not quite sure I understand

about the $99,000.

Well, you see, he just

happens to need $99,000,

and, after all, I don't see any reason why he

shouldn't get it if I'm throwing it out the windows.

This is your last husband

you're talking about? Yes.

He wants to sell you for $99,000? Oh, no,

no. I don't think he had any such idea at all.

Well, what do you call it? Well, I mean,

after all, I... He's entitled to something.

I mean, he did protect me

and give me food, such as it was,

and clothes, such as they were, for

a few years, and now, if I can repay...

But the man is a vermin.

No court of law...

- Don't you think I'm worth $99,000?

- That has nothing to do with it.

You're probably worth that,

twice that, three times.

But even so, the days of serfdom...

I mean bondage...

I mean, the days you bought

a wife for a cow are over.

Chivalry is not only dead,

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