The Palm Beach Story Page #7

it's decomposed.

Well, how much

did this yacht cost you?

That is entirely beside the point.

A woman is not a vessel.

I mean, of all the filthy things

I've heard in my life, I still...

How does he want it?

In cash, maybe.

In cash. So I won't stop the check, the

scoundrel! I don't mean me. I mean whoever's...

Oh, well, I don't think he'll

ever get it. It was just an idea.

There is a name for such reptiles, but I won't

sully this sweet ocean breeze by mentioning it.

I may not be exactly in the best of shape,

but if ever I meet this Mr. Jeffers,

I'll thrash him

within an inch of his life.

Oh, then I hope you never meet him.

I suppose he's large.

Well, he's not small.

That's one of the tragedies

of this life...

that the men who are most in need

of a beating up are always enormous.

She's a tall, dark-haired girl

with big eyes.

Yes, sir. You mean the young lady that

lose all her clothes. Lost all her clothes?

Yes, sir. But we fix her up with a blanket

when she got off atJacksonville.

She got off atJacksonville?

Yes, sir.

Alone? Well, you might

practically say she's alone.

The gentleman that got off with her give

me 10 cents from New York toJacksonville.

Watch your step, lady.

She's alone, but she don't know it.

Never mind the philosophy.

Then she's atJacksonville!

Yes, sir. No, sir. Oh, she said that he said

he was gonna take her down there on his boat.

I suppose she means "yachet," but I don't

see how no gentleman can give me a dime...

from New York toJacksonville

can have a "yachet. "

Maybe a canoe or a bicycle.

Yes, sir.

Hey, let me use these a

minute, will you? Surely.

Thanks.

Anytime.

I think you'll like

Palm Beach very much.

Yoo-hoo!

Who's that? Oh, that's my sister,

the princess. Hello, Maude.

Hello, Snoodles.

Where'd you get the pretty girl?

- Greetings.

- She calls me Snoodles.

Is that the prince?

No, the prince is all washed up.

This is something new.

It might be a duke.

It might be her tailor too.

She goes out with anything.

Hello, darling.

What a perfectly beautiful day.

Were you seasick on the way down?

Wherever did you find her?

This is Toto. Say "How do

you do," Toto. Greetings.

Toto's a refugee from his

creditors, I think. Greetings.

Glad to be aboard, sir. How

are you, darling? Hello, Maude.

Hello. Glad to see you aboard. You get

prettier as one gets nearer. Thank you.

How did you manage it?

He's stiffer than a plank.

This must have done him a power of

good. This is my sister Maude, Mrs...

Don't tell me he doesn't know your name!

This is perfectly marvelous.

Tell me he picked you up on the train,

and you'll make me a happy woman.

Greetings. All right, you've said how

do you do. Wait till I tell the papers!

Maude, somebody meeting you, not knowing you

were cracked, might get the wrong impressin.

Did he really pick you up on the train? I was in

awful trouble until he nobly came to my rescue.

Now you've spoiled everything. I hoped

for once he hadn't done anything noble.

What a lovely suit.

He bought me this.

Why, Snoodles, you rat! We'll work this into

something yet. This is perfectly electrifying.

You must come and stay with us. You're

divorced, of course? No, no, not quite.

Oh, I don't think I'm quite through with the prince

yet either. We can look for new husbands together.

I'm thinking of an American at the moment.

It seems more patriotic.

Greetings. No, no, Toto. His

English is a little elementary.

What language does he speak?

I don't know. I think it's Baluchistan,

but it's impossible to tell.

Hello. Let's go ashore, and

we'll have a wonderful time.

You're perfectly respectable,

but as long as we don't roll on the floor...

and give the butler hysterics,

we'll be cooking on the front burner.

I talk a lot, don't I?

Yes!

Ah, Snoodles,

you snake in the grass.!

Did you have to get him drunk,

or how did you do it? Maude!

Look at that very handsome man.

I wonder who he is.

I don't think I've seen him around before. I

thought I knew all the handsome men in this village.

We could use some new faces.

It isn't possible.

What isn't possible? I think I know

that man. In fact, I'm sure of it.

What did you follow me

down here for anyway?

What do you mean, what did I follow you down here for?

You're my wife, aren't you? You're making an ass of yourself,

exposing yourself to all sorts of dangers I

promised to love, honor and protect you from.

But that isn't fair. I'm doing this for

you too. I don't want you to do any more.

But, look, I've left you.

I'm not your wife any longer.

Gerry, darling.

No, no. Stop it.

Well, I must say you do know him!

This is the Princess Centimillia.

My brother, Captain Mc... McGlue.

What?

Captain! We should have met sooner.

If I'd seen you around, we would have.

This is my brother, Captain Hackensacker.

Captain McGlue.

That's an odd name.

Yes, isn't it? How do you do,

Captain? I'm not a captain.

That's my sister's joke

because I own a yacht.

That's my sister's joke

because I don't own one.

Very glad to meet you. Your sister didn't tell me

she had a brother here. No, I just dropped over.

You're staying with us, of course.

We wouldn't want to inconvenience you.

Inconvenience us?

We practically run a hotel anyway.

This will give the servants some exercise.

I won't take no for an answer.

Your brother's a fine-looking man.

You look exactly alike.

I suppose he's married.

No, no. He's entirely free.

You don't tell me!

Now, look...

Her bark is worse than her bite.

That's what you think!

I wish I hadn't brought Toto along.

Somebody think of an errand to send him on.

Hello. Toto, this is Captain McGlue.

I'm going to see more of him

and less of you from now on.

Hello. Listen carefully,

dear. I left my handkerchief...

You go fetch it, see?

Nitz.

Yitz, Toto.

Nitz.

It'll be nitz to you, Toto.

And now, Captain,

you may take my arm.

Uh... What did you say

you were captain of?

I didn't say a word about it.

How wonderful it is

meeting a silent American again.

All my husbands were foreigners.

And such chatterboxes!

I could hardly

get a word in edgeways.

They make a handsome

couple, don't they? Pardon?

My sister and your brother.

It'd be nice if something came of it.

Oh... Oh! Oh, yes, wouldn't it?

It would be wonderful for him.

Of course, she's no bargain,

but it might happen very easily.

She's a woman of iron determination, and once

her mind is made up, he might as well yield.

I can see what you mean. I'm glad you're

gonna stay with us, and your brother too.

Are you? I don't know why I didn't

think of it. Or maybe I did think of it.

But it took someone of my sister's courage

to make it come true. You're very sweet.

Thank you very much.

The captain's a big fellow, isn't he?

Yes, isn't he?

You look exactly alike.

Yes, don't we? You know,

people always remark on it.

Why don't you marry her?

She's lovely.

In the first place, she isn't free yet. In the second

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