The Party

All right. Cut it.

All right. Hold it.

What is that idiot doin'?

What's that idiot doing?

- I just asked the same question.

- What's the answer?

I don't know.

I didn't tell him to...

Don't know?

Look, you're the director.

It was your idea to bring him

over here from India.

Now, you'd better start

telling him what to do...

or we're gonna be

out of business. Now, go ahead.

Come on.

- Charlie.

- Yeah?

You ready? Action!

Cut, damn it! Cut!

- Mr. Bakshi.

- Yes, sir.

Has it occurred to you...

that the period

of our picture is 1878?

Yes, indeed, sir.

I am well aware...

that that is the period

of the film. 1878.

Mr. Bakshi,

are you also aware...

that in 1878 they weren't

wearing underwater watches?

Yes, sir. I know that.

They had not even been invented.

You got the time?

Yes, it's... oh, my God.

All right.

Lunch everybody.

That's forty-two on the crew,

one hour for the cast.

OK, guys.

The cue for the demolition...

is when I lower my hand

like this, OK?

- Yes, sir.

- Guys, we got one shot at this.

Let's get it right.

OK, Kenny. Let's go.

All right. Places everybody.

Marty. Look, I just talked

to Clutterbuck on the phone.

He says if we don't wrap this

location today, it's your neck.

No problem. All we have left

is to blow up the fort.

OK. Great.

OK, Ken. Let's go.

All right. Carol. Earl.

All right. Stand by.

You.

Yes, you.

You get off of my set

and get out of my picture.

Off. Out. You're through.

You're washed up.

You're finished.

I'll see to it you never

make another movie again!

Does that include

television, sir?

I'll kill him!

Mr. Divot calling

from location on six.

All right.

Yeah, Charlie.

What?

The whole damn thing?

Well, how the hell could

a thing like that happen?

What's his name?

Spell it!

Hrundi V.

B-a-k-s-h-i.

I'll see to it he never

works again in this town.

Your wife called about

the guest list for the party.

Yeah, on the desk.

You know where to reach me.

I need an address

for Hrundi V. Bakshi.

B-a-k-s-h-i.

Hello.

Vodka or scotch, sir?

No. I...

I never touch it.

Thank you.

Twenty-week layoff

that you've never seen...

No, thank you.

Hors d'oeuvres, sir?

Well, I'm on a diet,

but the hell with it.

- Pool.

- Pool.

- Pool is water, no?

- No, billiards.

Says the father,

"Oh, my goodness.

"We got the wrong baby,"

and the father says...

"Shh. It's a better buggy."

I never heard that one before.

Oh, yes. You...

I missed the middle part,

but I can tell from the way...

that you are

enjoying yourselves...

it must have been

a very humorous anecdote...

because the way

you are laughing...

just shows how much

you enjoyed it.

I love a good laugh, don't you?

It makes the world go round.

It's good to have a laugh.

Wonderful.

Very good.

I shall remember that one.

They were bound and gagged

for six hours.

They took everything...

even the gold watch

my daddy'd left me.

They took the gold watch

that your father left you?

I'm sorry.

It is utterly fantastic.

What a wonderful thing

for anyone to do.

Take everything,

including the father's watch.

It's wonderful.

I tell you, tonight

is one big round of laughter.

All fun and laughter.

The congressman

was just telling us...

about the time he was robbed.

Who's the foreigner?

I don't know.

Someone my mixed-up wife

invited.

Oh, dear.

Hello, dog.

What do you want?

What do you want, eh?

You like my feet, do you?

Have your fill, and away you go.

Feet are considered a delicacy

among certain animals.

Go on, you've had enough now.

Off. Chow!

In fact, there are

certain man-eating animals...

who will eat only the feet,

leave everything else.

Would not touch one other thing.

Get away. Down, now.

Chow, dog.

Get away.

Get away from me, dog.

Vodka or scotch, sir?

Get away.

No, thank you.

Get away.

Oh, good evening, Mr. Divot.

How are you?

How are ya?

Smile, baby.

Good evening, General.

I'd like to have you meet

Miss Michele Monet.

Mr. Clutterbuck,

Mrs. Clutterbuck.

How are ya, Alice?

I'll introduce my guests,

if I may.

Here, Mrs. Dunphy.

I've heard some wonderful things

about you.

Well, sir, you seem to have

a wonderful party going here.

- How do you like it so far?

- Fine.

Have a drink. Go ahead.

- Hello.

- Oh, hello.

And good evening.

Good evening.

What a beautiful evening it is.

To be sure.

What's in there?

What, in here?

Oh, there is nothing in there.

Yes, there is.

I don't know.

I don't think so.

- Let's see now. No.

- Don't you see it?

No, there is definitely

nothing in there.

If there were something,

it's gone away now, anyway.

Well, I can see it.

What is it?

I don't know,

but I don't like it.

Pardon me, sir.

It's quite all right, fella.

I'm so sorry.

I beg your pardon.

Come on over here, honey.

We'll... try it over here.

Right here, on the corner.

This is an easy shot now.

First things first.

Get in the saddle.

Just like I taught you,

that's it.

No, I feel silly because...

Oh, no, hon,

you can do it this way.

I was here the other day.

Now, just relax, and you...

Just relax. Just...

Pay no attention to me, sir.

I am merely spectating.

Oh. Fine.

I can see that you are

an experienced player.

One of the best, feller.

Sir, excuse me.

What is the name of a game...

that has a multitude

of colored balls like that?

- Pool.

- Poo?

- What?

- Poo?

No, not poo. Pool.

- Pool!

- Pool.

- Oh, like swimming pool.

- You got it, honey.

I never heard of

a game called poo.

Fine game.

And so,

what is the object of it...

to disperse these colored balls

strategically around the table?

Get the balls in the holes.

All except for the white one.

Oh, that is the art?

The art is not

to have the white one in?

- Right.

- Good.

And how many people can play?

One, two, three, or what?

Oh, whole bunches,

or twos and threes.

With a group...

groups of people can play.

By yourself. Yes.

Thank goodness.

How wonderful.

Keep your eye

on the white ball...

Oh, excuse me.

Excuse me, sir, but...

you are, are you not...

Wyoming Bill Kelso,

the famous film star?

That's me, in the flesh.

Oh, God,

what a moment in my life.

Oh, sir, I've seen

every one of your films.

Oh, well, that's wonderful!

What a wonderful,

strong grip you've got.

Yes, I do.

My goodness, I would

have been disappointed...

if you hadn't crushed my hand.

Oh, listen.

Will you do me the honor...

to sign me an autograph?

Oh, sure. Here, hold this.

I'll be glad to.

I am also in the acting

profession, you know.

- Oh, you are?

- Yes, indeed.

I am not in your quality,

but I was around.

Well, what's your name?

Hrundi. H-r-u-n-d-i.

Wait till I tell them

at home that I met him.

They'll never believe me.

- Where you from?

- I am from India.

Got you covered, Injun!

How do you...

Bang! Howdy, pardner.

Well, I'm pretty quick

on the draw there, right?

Never I believe

in all my whole life...

I would meet him, and he

would go, "Bang, pardner!"

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