The Perfect Man Page #2

Like suddenly

you're on a new planet,

breathing a new atmosphere.

Can you scan this

into Match. Com?

Mom, I'm busy.

Doing what?

Do you have to

do this right away?

Can't you just

wait this time...

and see if you meet a guy

the normal way?

Have you seen these lines?

I am in a race against time.

Now get on in there

and scan this thing.

Every second counts.

Tick-tock, tick-tock.

If a student brings

a cell phone to school,

it will be confiscated...

regardless of how...

Excuse me.

I don't even know

why we're here.

It's not like they're

going to be my teachers

four months from now.

That's negative imaging,

Holly.

...are not permitted

in the school building.

Only winter hats

will be permitted between

the months of November...

and February

and kept in your lockers.

Now, I'd like to introduce

to you the Head of our

Guidance Department.

Dr. Charles Fitch.

All right, Fitchy!

Hey, Fitch!

Hey, Dr. Fitch!

Hey there, everyone.

Let me tell you how I run

the Guidance Department.

I have an open-door policy,

which means you can

stop by my office...

whenever you want.

I also have

an open-mind policy.

There are no stupid questions.

So please, if you have

something on your mind,

knock on my door.

Mom.

Or raise your hands.

Woman in the back.

Go ahead.

Hi.

Instead of once a year,

have you considered

a monthly forum where...

students and teachers

could exchange thoughts

in an effort to enhance...

communication and bridge gaps?

That's a...

That's a great comment,

Mrs...

Miss Hamilton.

I also wondered if you'd

thought of monthly mixers

for single parents.

Not that I don't want to meet

married parents as well.

I would.

It's just that sometimes

we single parents...

have different concerns

than married ones.

Different priorities.

If you know what I mean.

And by priorities I mean:

I need to meet a good man.

In that case,

where do I sign up?

Okay, well,

this was interesting.

Where were we here?

So you're just not

going to talk to me

for the rest of your life?

Come on, Holly.

Every unmarried parent there

appreciated the suggestion.

Did it ever occur to you

that the point

of the meeting...

wasn't for the needs

of the single parent?

That the point

of the meeting was maybe

for, I don't know...

the kids?

Well, sure.

I was just thinking...

About you!

Because you're always

thinking about you.

She's doing it again.

Only this time,

I can't smile and play along.

Because the truth is

I'm tired...

of bubble-wrap

and change of address cards,

of figuring out new towns...

and finding new friends.

It's just not fun anymore.

It's just not.

You know what

the entire student body...

is talking about this morning?

The Krispy Kreme truck

that got in a wreck

on Eighth Avenue.

There's donuts

everywhere.

It's a total free-for-all.

Between the excitement

and the sugar buzz,

everyone's pretty much...

forgotten everything

that happened

before 8:
00 this morning.

It could have been worse.

Don't worry, it will be.

It always starts the same.

I mean, she starts out

hopeful, and then

when the perfect man...

doesn't come around

in two weeks,

she gets desperate...

and hooks up with some loser.

Some guy who's not even

good enough to mop her floors.

And then,

when it doesn't work out,

because it never works out...

we pack up and move again,

and there's nothing

I can do about it.

I can't even run away

because that's what

she does.

I thought you said

you didn't mind

all the moving around.

I didn't. I mean, I don't.

I just got here.

The River Bistro.

What are we doing here?

I can't even afford to pee

in a place like this.

Much less actually eat here.

Relax,

it's under control.

My uncle's the owner.

Him?

You've got to be kidding.

No, him.

No, you didn't do that,

did you?

Well, how long

did you keep her waiting?

What? An hour?

Of course she's mad.

What? Hold on.

This is Holly.

Hi.

Hi, Holly.

Nice to meet you.

Why wouldn't she be mad?

Well, there's only one thing

you can do:
Flowers.

And you can't go cheap,

either. Nope.

A dozen, long-stemmed.

He knows about females.

He knows more about females

than I know about females.

In my opinion,

roses always work, always.

He doesn't actually

believe that, does he?

But who am I to know?

Call me tomorrow

and let me know

how it worked out. Bye.

Yes, I do believe that.

Don't you?

That flowers always work?

Yeah.

Not if the guy's a loser.

The flowers aren't going to

change anything.

Flowers are

just flowers, right?

Wow, your friend's

so cynical.

Sounds like

she's not into romance.

You know what?

This is for you.

Why?

Because a flower like this

is perfect.

And giving a woman

a dozen of them,

it's like saying...

there is such a thing

as perfect.

And it's out there.

Don't give up.

You'll find it.

Really?

A yellow rose says

all of that?

Actually a yellow rose

is for your sick grandma.

For a woman, a red rose.

But if you really want

to knock her socks off,

you give her an orchid.

Why? What do orchids say?

You ever seen an orchid?

How it floats in the water,

so delicate and beautiful?

When a woman gets an orchid...

well, she feels like...

she's floating on a cloud

of infinite possibility.

I swear I'll pay you back.

I still don't get how flowers

from you will fix things.

Well, they're not flowers,

they're orchids.

And they're not from me.

They're from her perfect man.

Then let him pay.

I would, if he existed.

I'm lost.

Do you remember

what your uncle said?

An orchid will make

my mom feel special.

Which will make her happy.

And not so desperate.

Which would make me happy,

and then everybody wins.

Holly?

What?

Are you sure

this is a good idea?

I'm sure.

A few flowers

never hurt anyone.

"Annoying mammal. "

Six letters.

Hey, Mom.

Badger.

Boy, am I thirsty.

Was that the buzzer?

Five letters for

"In line to get, maybe. "

Mom, wasn't that

the buzzer?

The Times thinks

they're so clever.

I've got to go take

a shower right now.

Hey.

Excuse me.

Hello, that's my flower.

No, it's not, it's mine.

Is your name Jean?

No, that's my girlfriend.

Okay, what's the card say?

It says,

"To my dearest girlfriend...

"on her birthday,

I love you so... "

Give me my flower back.

Could you be

any more crazy?

I was just

bringing them to you.

Wow! How beautiful.

Who are those for?

Me.

Isn't that weird,

someone left me flowers?

Who? What's the card say?

Let's see.

"How many women can look

like a goddess

in a bakery uniform?

"You are a vision. "

Who sent them?

"A Secret Admirer. "

Who could it be?

Well, obviously,

someone that saw you

at the shop.

Yeah, but how would

he know my name?

Well, you wear a nametag,

don't you?

Or where I live?

Duh? Google.

Or that I love orchids?

Maybe he followed you home.

It's very strange.

No, it's probably scary.

Mom, look, this is

the most romantic thing...

that a man has

ever done for you.

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