The Perfect Man Page #3

Quit questioning it

and enjoy it.

You are absolutely right.

Why are you wearing jeans

under your robe?

How would you like

to have bruises

all over your body?

Your uncle is a genius.

It worked?

She was singing happy songs!

She never sings happy songs.

Yeah, well,

neither do I, but don't

send me flowers, okay?

I like it that way.

Hey.

Hey, check it out.

Do I got juice or what?

Look at Jean.

A little attention from me

and she's all poofed up

like a peacock.

It's the guy peacock

who poofs up.

You know what I'm saying.

It's an animal thing.

She's like a lioness letting

the lion know she's ready.

It's the guy lion

who poofs up, too.

People, don't forget

to read Chapters 42 and 43.

There will be

a test on Friday.

Peter, can I see you

a minute, please?

Hurry up!

What's that?

Nothing.

Is that supposed to be me?

No, it's somebody else.

The face.

This looks exactly

like my face.

No, it isn't.

Okay, the face

a little bit.

But that woman

is on a horse.

You're not on a horse.

That's a completely

different person.

It's pretty good.

My dad sponsored

comic book conventions

when I was a kid.

He'd take me.

If you hang around

long enough,

you pick it up.

So you hung out

with your dad a lot?

No. Actually,

after he and my mom

split up...

that's pretty much

the only thing

we did together.

But, hey,

at least I learned

how to draw, right?

Divorce as a career builder.

That's nice.

So, hey,

have you ever been?

Divorced? Not yet.

No, to a comic convention.

No, not that, either.

Well, there's one

coming up.

Six weeks from now.

Westside Convention Center.

It sounds geeky,

but it's kind of fun.

Yeah. I'm not much

of a planner, you know.

Has anyone been

asking for me?

Like who?

I don't know.

Anyone?

No.

Hey, Jean.

This has your name

written all over it.

Dolores, you're crazy.

No! She's right.

You're way too good

for this place.

This contest is

for professionals.

I mean, I'm basically

a salesperson.

Explain this to me.

How come when it's a man

you're looking at...

you're blind to his flaws...

but when it's you,

flaws is all you see?

Hmm?

Mmm.

Is it you?

Yeah, it's me, babe.

Hi.

Hi.

I love orchids. Thank you.

This is a rose.

Which I also love.

So are you free

Saturday night?

What did you have in mind?

Nothing short of

rocking your world, babe.

Well, my world doesn't

rock that easy.

That's right,

make him work for it,

girlfriend.

That's on account

of you've never had...

your world rocked

by Lenny "The World-Rocker"

Horton.

Okay.

Let's say I check

my social calendar...

and it turns out I am free

Saturday night.

Where are we going?

Only to hear the

greatest American band...

ever to pipe out

a power ballad.

Styx concert.

Something I've never done.

You're a Styx newbie?

These are really hot tickets.

I must really like you.

Okay, so Saturday night.

Saturday.

Saturday.

What? Stop!

It's impossible that

Lenny is your secret admirer.

Nothing's impossible.

No. Some things are.

Like a man

that sends you an orchid,

the most romantic flower...

and then turns around

and sends you a yellow rose.

That's the kind of flower...

that someone sends

their sick grandmother

in the hospital.

I'll get it.

Mom, please,

can you just listen to me?

I read that note, okay?

A man like that...

a poet, he doesn't take

a woman to a Styx concert.

Well, it's different.

So is a peanut butter

and glue sandwich.

That doesn't mean

you eat it.

Holly, I like this guy.

He seems to like me.

Would it kill you

to give him a chance?

Princess Zoe?

Yes.

You can tell

I'm a princess from all

my beautiful necklaces.

N- E-C-K-L-A-C-E-S.

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

Hi, Lenny.

Wow, Jean. Whoa!

Great outfit.

Damn, where did you get that?

Who's-a-hottie. Com?

All right. So, you got

everything you need?

Yeah. Let me

just put this on.

Okay.

Hey, Holly, your mom said

that Saturday night

is movie night.

So, what do you say on me...

you take Princess Zoe here,

you guys go see Bambi?

I'm not actually sure

that Bambi is still

in theaters.

Which is such a shame

because I'm just dying

to take...

my 7-year-old little sister

to a movie

where the mom gets...

killed by

the evil male hunter.

I want to go see that.

Thank you, Lenny.

That's very nice of you.

Thank you, Lenny.

That's very nice of you.

Be good.

Wow! It's great.

Yeah, it's a 1980

Pontiac Trans Am

two-door hardtop.

Got the original paint,

the original exhaust.

I re-built the tranny,

tweaked the mill.

And as a matter of fact,

I got...

some new passenger mats

right here,

so would you mind...

just taking your shoes off?

Before you get in?

I should have bought a pair

of those hospital booties.

Wait, do you have any?

Let me guess.

The sick-grandma argument

didn't fly?

She barely even heard it.

She was too busy

picturing herself

as Mrs. Lenny Hair Band.

He's got to be derailed.

By what?

I don't know.

Listen, I'm going to drop Zoe

off at Dolores'...

and I'll meet you

at the Bistro in 20.

Ice cream is going to help.

No, but your uncle will.

He knew exactly what to do

about the orchids...

and he'll know

what to do next.

Ciao.

Lenny, I don't think

that's Styx.

No, they're Kilroy,

they're a tribute band

to Styx.

Yeah, the singer's not

as good as the original.

But if you close your eyes,

you can't even

tell the difference.

Yeah, you can tell.

We have a question.

Mel, put those

two tables together.

Kid, can it wait?

I'm a little busy.

No, it's really important.

It's for

our school assignment.

Due tomorrow.

We need to know

what the perfect man

would do...

as a follow-up

to the orchid.

Well, can't we talk

about it tomorrow?

Wait, what could be

more important

than the perfect man?

Duh, perfect shoes.

Lance, please.

Don't "Lance, please" me.

Take a break

and help these girls out.

You try the new Shiraz...

sit at your table

and let good old Lance

handle the floor.

All right. Five minutes.

Don't play with your hair

at the bar, Lance.

So, what are you

writing a school paper on,

dating or something?

Yeah.

Well, what class

would that be?

English.

I'm looking

at romantic heroes,

like in literature.

You know...

Romeo.

Right, or Heathcliff.

Taking guys like that...

and comparing them

to their real-life

counterparts.

But you don't believe

in romance.

I'm stretching.

Well, girls,

I'm really not

an authority on this.

Hot!

What makes today's

Perfect man perfect?

What is it that he says

or does that makes him

a woman's perfect man?

Well, that depends.

Every woman's different.

But yet, orchids work

for all of them?

Well, as a gesture, they do.

I mean, but that's just a...

That's a beginning,

that's...

He's got to have

a deeper connection than that.

He's got to know

what makes her tick.

Which is why,

if you don't know

who the woman is...

it's rather a moot point.

She listens to Patsy Cline

when she's sad.

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