The Perfect Match Page #2

Then, why have you been avoiding me?

I'm not avoiding you.

I texted you, I called you...

Tammi. Let me stop you right there.

It's... It's Tammi, right?

No, don't put the wall up.

Come back, come back.

Look at me.

I'm guessing you've got daddy issues.

That's why you seek approval

in these shallow relationships...

I'm not that shallow.

That only leaves you feeling depressed.

Do you go to sleep every night crying?

Bottle of whiskey by your bedside, huh?

Watching re-runs of Friends...

feeling cheap and unwanted?

I've been there.

Hey, I helped Miley Cyrus.

I can help you, too.

Who is she?

- I've never met...

- I'm his sister, and I'm a therapist.

And baby, I think you need a hug...

and my card, okay?

Look, I do pro bono work. I just...

You might not be able to afford me...

'cause you know,

I've upped my prices recently...

- Thank you.

- But I...

- I'm gonna call you.

- You do that now.

I'm gonna call you.

Listen, I'll be the mom you never had.

Your daddy loves you. Are you...

Is she flirting with me right now?

You men always think

you don't need therapy.

It's hilarious.

You know, I have this client...

wrote this whole song

about how he's not worried about anything.

Turns out, that's all

he talks about in therapy.

How he's worried about this,

worried about that.

Got a girl, and maybe she doesn't think

his penis is big enough.

He's worried about that.

And you know what?

Comes in every single session

with a monkey...

clutching it, like it's his baby blanket.

- You treat French Montana?

- What?

- Rapper, monkey...

- No!

Ain't Worried About Nothin'?

How did you get French Montana from that?

Because he has a monkey.

No, that is not who I'm talking about.

He has a big record called

Ain't Worried About...

It's not French Montana.

Do you know how many people

have pet monkeys?

A lot of people have them, yeah.

Morning, Charlie.

Nick.

Good to see you. Good morning, Terri.

Hi, Tiffany.

- Good morning, Kareem.

- Good morning.

Is Dallas in my office?

No, Dallas is in Texas.

- Really?

- No, really, actually he is.

He sent his protege Timothy DeLaGhetto.

- He's inside waiting for you.

- Got it.

Roll my calls in 30, and my coffee.

It's already on your desk, sir.

Black, two Stevias, next to the trades.

Yes. And again, no "sir," okay?

Call me "Charlie," "Charlie Mac."

Don't call me "sir."

Yes, sir. I mean, Charlie.

Charlie Mac.

Stupid joke.

- Timothy.

- Hey, what's up, man?

- I like that coat. It's nice.

- Thank you.

Thank you so much, man.

You are on fire right now.

I'm trying, man.

What is it, three million

followers on YouTube?

Yep.

600 million views was the last email?

600 million views.

Love it. So, what's next?

That's why I wanted to talk to you.

I think I'm ready

to start this new project.

I'm trying to be like

the Asian Will Smith.

- The Asian Will Smith?

- Yeah.

TV, movies, Grammys, all that.

I love it. I love the ambition. All right?

We're gonna slow it down

just a little bit.

Now, back to YouTube...

Abram, I'm here with a client.

A client?

Who is he?

An important client.

Okay. It doesn't matter.

I have real business to discuss.

Could you excuse me?

Yeah.

I'm sorry. I didn't shake hands.

What's the very short version?

Marty is about to call us

in the conference room for a meeting...

'cause I just signed this huge company.

They have a shitty product,

but it doesn't matter...

'cause they threw

a sh*t-ton of money at it.

And of course, I told them

I could recoup the money.

I just need a brilliant plan

from you, my man...

to make sure that the agency

doesn't get f***ed in the ass...

for the next 20 years with lawsuits.

You know what I mean?

I hate when you do that.

Hate when I do what? Sign big companies?

And why are you still riding on that?

Why do you not have one of these?

We're about to be in The Jetsons season.

Premiere Edge, Charlie Mclntyre's office.

- Conference room in five minutes.

- Okay.

That was Marty's assistant.

He wants to meet you

in the conference room in five.

All right.

Give me everything you have on...

- Mobilo Tech Industries.

- Mobilo Tech Industries.

Text it to my phone immediately.

And tell Tim "I'm sorry...

"something came up." All right?

We'll re-schedule, as soon as possible.

No, he won't

because this is more important.

It's great to meet you. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Sit down.

Good morning. Who was that?

Mobilo Tech. Have you heard of them?

- No.

- Neither has the rest of the world.

They created an app that was obsolete

before it even launched.

And what does this app do, you ask?

Blocks unwanted callers.

So, what's the problem with that?

Cell phones already have

that feature on the phone.

You're goddamn right!

I can go to my iPhone right now...

scroll down

to my skank ex-wife's contact...

and hit "block this caller."

Normally, I would tell these guys

to drive their non-p*ssy-getting hybrid...

off the San Francisco Bay Bridge...

but I can't 'cause we're courting

their parent company.

Oh, it also has a retina scan component...

for testing your emotional state...

or some sissy bullshit.

Look, these guys lost me at "hello."

How do we give

these sagging tits a facelift?

You lost weight. You look great, Marty.

Ah, thanks.

Back to this app.

Me and Abram were just meeting about it.

We have some great ideas.

Just need a little time to flesh it out.

Great, you've got till Wednesday.

Yeah, I need a happy ending by Wednesday.

Good talk.

I got no idea what I'm gonna do.

I gotta come up

with something brilliant, man.

I've never even heard of Mobilo Tech.

I didn't think you were gonna make it.

I thought you had to work.

Nah, my freaking boss

cut back on my hours.

- Permanently?

- I don't know.

But it couldn't come at a worse time.

Do you have any idea

how much peonies cost?

What's a peony?

I don't know, but they

sound expensive as sh*t.

This wedding is killing me.

And I had to deal

with Ginger talking about...

you bringing Fawn to dinner all night.

- My bad.

- "My bad."

It wouldn't hurt if you would just try

to get into a relationship.

- Like the rest of us.

- No.

What happened to Ginger's friend, Dana?

She was fine, but that's not the point.

Listen, man, you know my rules.

Yes, I do know your rules,

and those rules are stupid.

- They're very smart rules.

- They're ridiculous!

- Strategic rules.

- Especially the shoe thing.

It doesn't make any sense.

If you take a girl's shoes off...

you're one step closer

to taking her pants off.

- Slide move.

- That works?

Yeah. Plus, it's sanitary.

They don't scuff up your floors.

You've gotta think, man.

- Starting to make a little bit of sense.

- Hey!

- There he goes.

- Uh-oh, come on.

- Shut up and run.

- Come on, struggle bear.

You can do it.

You said you've been working out, man.

F*** you.

Are you thirsty? You want some water?

Water is for pussies.

You were talking crazy

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