The Perfect Match Page #7

Bam!

You must be very proud.

I am very proud.

I got the Michael Phelps of sperm.

They got little gold medals

around their little sperm necks.

Yeah.

Why are you rubbing this in my face?

What?

No, baby, I'm not rubbing

anything in your face.

- Oh, no, no?

- No.

Do you realize that this means

that there's something wrong with me?

No, no, no. No, no, no.

I was talking to my boys...

because they were making fun

of my Brazilian briefs.

- That's all.

- I don't see your boys!

You know what I see?

I see this little insensitive a**hole...

who's gonna figure out

where he's sleeping tonight.

- Baby...

- You think this is a game.

I don't think this is a game.

I think I just got 150 million score

on my sperm count.

Callate! Callate!

Baby, I...

Well, how am I supposed to get home?

You know how you're gonna get home?

With your super sperm.

That's how you're gonna get home.

Hey, what's that?

I didn't know I was being watched.

I thought we agreed on no strings.

No, you can't open it yet.

Why not?

'Cause it's a surprise for your birthday.

Just wait on it.

You didn't have to do that.

I know.

What?

Nothing.

But I have an idea.

It's gonna have to wait.

I'm not ready since the last round.

I wanna shoot you.

- No, I don't think so.

- Yes. Yes.

There's this place

I've been wanting to shoot.

It's in Venice and it's beautiful.

It's... It's gritty.

You'd be perfect.

I don't want your thousands

of lnstagram followers...

looking at photos of me.

I won't shoot your face

in a recognizable way.

We'll make the whole thing mysterious.

One condition.

I'm listening.

Promise to get your photographs published.

People should pay to see your work.

You really think that much of it?

Yeah, it's that good.

Okay. Now can we shoot?

We got it. I'm happy.

Next location.

It's getting late,

and I have to work tomorrow.

Work...

I completely managed

to forget about work today.

The whole day.

Your job doesn't seem

to make you too happy.

I don't know.

I mean, I'm great at it.

I make a lot of money.

It keeps you humble.

Well played. Well played.

I don't know. I guess lately...

it's just been a place

to collect a paycheck, you know.

And today...

Today when we were shooting...

that was awesome.

That was the most fun

I've had in a long time.

That made me happy.

Maybe it's time for a change.

Maybe.

Come in.

I really have to go, Charlie, I'm sorry.

One last kiss?

Just one.

Okay, one more after that.

One more.

One more.

Sorry.

Press kicked me out for the night.

I'm sorry. He's rude.

I'm Rick. You must be mystery woman.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

- Rick was just leaving.

- Charlie.

- No, I really gotta go.

- No, you really don't.

No, your friend here looks like

he needs some boy time.

I could totally use some boy time.

I'm just...

You boys have fun.

It was a pleasure meeting you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Really?

You gave me a key.

That was like two years ago

so you could watch my iguana...

which I haven't seen since.

You know, I kinda feel like...

he's in the house

somewhere still, you know?

She's fine. Wow!

Holy sh*t, dude.

Yeah.

My man.

Come on.

Wow!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to stop the love train...

but look, Press kicked me out.

She told Ginger not to let me in.

And so you were my last option.

You know there's such things as hotels?

But you got all this space.

All right, man. What'd you do?

I don't want to talk about it.

"The Michael Phelps of sperm"?

Yeah, I said it...

- I might've got a little too excited.

- I'd say so.

- This the last one.

- All right.

Pressie's worried that something

might be wrong with her.

I told her she's overreacting,

but I don't know, man.

End of the day...

these things always have a way

of working themselves out, you know?

You guys are gonna be fine.

You guys love each other, man.

Holy sh*t.

Charlie Mac just said something

positive about love.

It's that badass chick, isn't it?

She's got you good, huh?

Maybe, it's the Tequila talking,

but maybe just a little bit.

"Maybe a little bit," huh?

I might have to bring a plus one

to Victor's wedding after all.

See, that's not a little bit,

that's a lotta bit, motherf***er.

I knew it. You don't lie to me.

Lie to your girls, not me, man.

I knew it. I knew it. You just like me.

Before I say something I regret...

this is over, this is done.

- All right.

- Clean this up, man.

Yo, you trying to sweat this alcohol out

before the fitting tomorrow?

- I am not.

- Yes, you are.

I'm waking you up, man.

Hey.

I'm happy for you.

It's just a girl, Rick.

It's just another girl.

But I am happy for you.

- Get it, get it, get it!

- Fill 'em up.

- Enjoy.

- Merci.

- Enjoy.

- To the family.

To the family.

Three amigos forever, right?

You know what?

It's good to see you

finally enjoying yourself, man.

Hey, did I tell y'all I got super sperm?

'Cause I do.

We're up in here

sipping expensive champagne...

trying on clothes I can't pronounce.

Shoot.

So what if you gotta sell

your ass to pay for it.

But we livin' the good life right now.

We livin' the good life.

This is good stuff.

Sh*t. Look, you might be right

about selling ass...

judging from the price of this damn coat.

Jesus.

Hey, look, look, at the end of the day...

as long as Ginger gets the best man...

'cause that's what she deserves, right?

Thank you, Morris Chestnut.

Are you gonna hold up this mirror?

All right.

- Hey, look. It's my wedding, okay?

- Are you done?

Come on, I look good as hell

in this jacket.

She might be gettin' the best man,

watch out now.

Come on. There's no room for you.

Hey is there another mirror around here?

Of course.

- Right there.

- Thank you.

- ...let us choose our own dresses.

- I know.

Ladies.

That looks so sexy on you.

Your fiancee's a lucky woman.

Congratulations.

I am not getting married.

I'm the best man.

Yes you are.

You look amazing.

Thank you.

Oh, my God. Eve, that is the dress.

Please tell me you know that's the dress.

Oh, it looks beautiful. It's perfect.

Oh, I can't even talk anymore.

I love it.

See? This guy can't even keep

his eyes off of you.

Isn't she gorgeous?

Yeah.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Yo, I heard there was fine-ass females...

Oh, sh*t.

Yo.

Um, hi. I'm Rick.

Yo, I'm out, man.

Yo.

Sir? Sir?

The jacket.

- Yo.

- What's going on?

You gotta check this out.

Merde, alors. This is America?

All right.

You geta five-star rating, buddy,

five-star rating, man.

We gotta do this again, sometime.

Hey!

I know you.

I'm sorry I left so soon.

I didn't get to congratulate you earlier.

Charlie, don't.

No, I'm serious, congratulations.

Congratulations.

You make for a beautiful bride.

He's a lucky, lucky guy.

Does he know

that you're still f***ing other men?

Stop it, Charlie!

Stop what?

Asking logical questions?

I mean, clearly, I should have asked...

a couple more from the start, right?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes