The Perfect Match Page #6

Nice!

Hold on, hold on. So, what does this mean?

Full creative control

over the whole thing?

It is. And they, uh...

they doubled my salary.

That's worth a toast.

All right. Gettin' that paper, baby.

Thank you.

I'll be right back.

Now you can pay me back

that money you owe me.

Yes. Yes.

Yo.

Yo, man.

You seem a little bummed.

That's good news, man.

It is. It is good news.

- Hey, man.

- Good news. Good news.

Yep, okay.

So, I have a question for you guys.

Would you come to my wedding

if it was in a park?

F***, yeah.

I'm not sure your fiancee would,

but I'd be there.

Clearly, we're talkin'

about something else.

- What's up?

- You know what?

I don't even wanna talk about it.

New topic. You. The bet.

What's the update?

Oh, you know what?

This might cheer you up, man.

Now, seriously...

I met a girl.

I told you.

I mean, this girl is special, man.

When she walks in the room...

it's like I hear

Michael Jackson's Butterflies.

Like, you remember how you felt

at the end of The Notebook?

Dude, oh, really?

- It's like that every...

- Really?

Yes, it's like... No, man. Come on, guys.

What the f*** is wrong with y'all, man?

Dawg, you think I'm gonna fall for some...

No! The sex is amazing.

She's cool, but I'm good.

Not everybody wants that.

- You're a d*ckhead, man.

- A shitty human being.

- Thank you.

- What more should we expect from the guy...

who put out a "wanted" ad

for a f*** buddy in college, right?

I don't know what you're talking about.

We're getting old. We're getting very old.

Yeah, but you like 19-year-old girls,

so it doesn't matter.

Check it out. Check it out.

Look, look, look.

You know what?

How are you, man?

Can I get a round

of whatever they're drinking sent over...

and my card, as well.

Thank you.

What?

- For after the wedding.

- Seriously.

'Cause after I win this bet...

I'm gettin' right back to where I started.

Why are we friends with him?

'Cause he's the best ho

we ever met in our life, man.

Man, that dude would f*** everything.

Coffee's bad for you.

What's up, champ?

Don't you think it's strange

Marty's coming down here?

I've never seen him out of his office.

Maybe he's coming to give us a handjob...

and tell us we just made partner.

Good morning, gentlemen.

- Morning, sir.

- So...

I was lying in bed last night, thinking.

I often do my best thinking

after a nice rub and tug...

and my thoughts reflected on...

are we eking out the most profit

we can from this deal?

The French Montana deal?

No, the f***ing Vanilla Ice deal.

Yes, the French Montana deal.

You're planning

to put him out on tour, yeah?

Yeah, absolutely.

I actually wanted to tell you guys...

Drake's people just called.

They wanna go out on tour with him.

Wow! Did you tell him yet?

- No, not yet.

- Don't.

Let's put him out on the Premier Edge tour

we're planning to promote.

He'll be our headliner...

shining his light on our clients

that we're aiming to promote.

- That's brilliant, sir.

- Thank you.

Sir, sir? Hold on.

That doesn't make sense.

Why would he do the Premiere Edge tour...

when he'd make way more money

if he went on tour with Drake?

Right, but Premiere Edge will.

He'll be the headliner.

First time, the first guy

through the door.

And it's good for the ego.

What, are you banging this guy?

No, sir.

Whose name are on your checks,

Premiere Edge or French Vanilla?

Premiere Edge.

And it's French Montana, sir.

Make it happen.

Good talk.

Why are you arguing with Marty?

We just signed French, and the first thing

we're gonna do is screw him?

Technically, it's the second thing.

I mean, you just signed

a huge multi-million dollar...

licensing deal for him.

That's not the point.

We still gotta tell him

that Drake wants to go out on tour.

Believe it or not, I agree with you.

It is f***ed up, okay?

But we work for Premiere Edge,

and that's how they do business.

Yeah, but that's not how

I wanna do business.

We can be better.

I think you're too close to this, man.

Just give it some time

to think about it, okay?

I mean, besides,

it's not like it was a suggestion.

You feel me?

Out.

Okay.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- How you doing?

- Good.

You okay?

You seem a little distracted.

No, I'm fine.

Why you ask that?

Because you usually try

to take my clothes off at the door.

- Do you want a drink?

- Yeah.

Vodka?

Yeah.

And do you want a double?

Double, please.

Are those, uh, Tim Biskup?

You got a good eye, you know that?

I love his stuff.

Me, too.

So, you know, it's okay

if you wanna do this another time.

No. No, no. It... It...

None of this is about you.

It's... It's work.

You know, it got me stressed out

like a motherf***er.

They want me to do something

that's just crazy.

So, then don't do it.

What, just like that?

No one's holding a gun to your head.

It's not that simple.

You forgot to take your shoes off.

You know what you need to do?

How is this not porn?

It's on MTV.

No, no.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen...

for another episode of Dating in the Buff.

That's a wrap.

Hey, hey, hey, hey

I bet you're thinking about all the ass...

you're not gonna get

after you're married, huh?

A little bit. A little bit.

Thanks for calling us out, baby.

Hey, anytime, anytime.

I figured butt naked females

on the beach...

is a great break from wedding errands.

Yeah, yeah, that definitely beats...

picking up centerpieces for sure.

That cost $150 a piece.

Oh, Jesus.

Here I am in front of half-naked women...

I'm talking about centerpieces.

I think I left my balls in the trunk.

Dude, why are you so stressed?

'Cause I cannot afford

this wedding, y'all.

But Ginger just got a huge raise.

So my wife has to pay for her own wedding.

That doesn't sit right with me.

Come on, man.

It's not like you have a choice.

Ginger is who we're talking about.

She's gonna get the wedding

she wants, regardless.

Speak of the devil.

I should get goin'.

Plus, it's not like having

a sugar mama is that bad.

It's not like you're a bum.

I wouldn't mind having a sugar mama.

I think I'd be a good stay-at-home dad.

Well, it's not like you could ever bring

your children to work.

Look at you.

I mean, it could be worse, right?

I mean, you could be getting your balls

man-massaged tomorrow.

- What?

- What?

I said that sh*t out loud?

Yes.

All right, look, I promised Pressie

I'd go with her to the fertility clinic...

after she cried at the thought

of having sex with me again.

Ouch.

I'm sure everything's

gonna be all right, brother.

I hope so.

It's those Brazilian briefs

you've been wearing.

It cuts your circulation off.

Your squirt game is probably poor.

There's nothin' wrong

with my squirt game, okay?

- And it's not the Brazilian briefs!

- I knew it.

Have you seen the population in Brazil?

- His squirt game is terrible.

- Shut the f*** up!

- Dude, I'm playin'.

- Co-signed it.

150 million!

My sperm count's higher

than Robert Downey Jr.'s net worth!

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