The Perfect Match Page #5

I gotta make sure your swag is right.

Make sure, you know what I mean?

French, it's Charlie Mac

you're talking to.

Make sure you rollin' in the hannghhh!

- I got the hannghhh!

- Hannghhh!

Nah, you ain't got it.

But I f*** wit' you, though.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Yeah, man, so, I mean,

let's exchange numbers...

Put my number in your phone.

If you find any kind of deal, you know.

Okay, yeah. Charlie.

Nice to meet you.

I gotta check in with Julius real quick.

Yeah, listen, I'm great with managers.

Send him my contact info.

Tell him to call me.

We'll work it out.

I like that suit though, playboy.

Thank you.

You know, I'm keepin' it together, man.

- You look sharp.

- I need a chain maybe.

Yo, I gotta ask you, man.

If there's only three of y'all...

why does everybody drive their own car?

Space.

You never know who you gonna kidnap

by the end of the night, my brother.

Now, you make sure you use that contact.

Will do, man. Let's make this money.

- Did you catch him?

- Yes.

Well, I hope it was worth it.

That was on the verge of being unethical.

I mean, in fact, I'm pretty sure

I was completely unethical.

You owe me big time, little brother.

I'm taking you to lunch.

- A real lunch?

- A real lunch.

- A proper lunch?

- A proper lunch.

- No juice?

- No juice.

That makes me so happy.

That means we'll have time

for a good long chat.

There's so much

that you and I need to discuss.

Because you're

at a pinnacle age right now...

No. Mmm-mmm. Not happening.

We're not talking

about my personal life, okay?

But I do need to know

about French's manager.

Who's this dude Julius?

Oh, Julius, yeah.

He's the one that referred me to him.

He's a monkey.

But he's a very reasonable man, monkey.

- All right.

- Listen, I would not underestimate Julius.

He's important to that man's life.

I don't know if you're playin'...

He's his guide.

He's his spiritual teacher.

Would you please slow down?

I don't even know

how you walk so fast in those shoes.

Okay, this is the place in LA

to get your wedding cake.

They're, like, booked up

five months in advance...

for a cake tasting appointment,

we can't be late.

Yes, but online, it says

they give out boxes of free samples...

with no appointment necessary.

- So it's not even...

- Okay, you know what?

We cannot get our wedding cake

from a sample rack.

But it's so sweet

that you took interest in it, baby.

You, like, went online and did...

Thank you.

Did you know that Oprah said...

if she ever got married

that she would get her cake from here?

I mean, we're just like Oprah.

Why would I know that?

Hello. We're here for the cake tasting.

Jesus Christ.

F*** me!

I'm sorry.

Um, baby...

Yeah, so listen.

Oprah probably isn't getting married

at this point...

so we should probably

take that as a sign...

and then get our cake from somewhere else.

No! We're gonna get our cake here.

With all your extras. Come on.

- Enjoy.

- Thank you.

Thank you, sweetheart.

- Here we go.

- Yeah. Looks delicious.

That's delicious.

It is. It tastes really expensive.

Carrot cake.

Is it 24 karats for 6,000 f***ing dollars?

Well, take a seat, gentlemen.

Marty will be right with you.

Thank you.

Can I get you anything, Charlie?

No, I'm good. Thank you.

What's up.

No, please. Don't worry about me, Chesty.

I'm fine.

I wasn't thirsty anyways, you know?

Thanks for asking.

Abram. Abram!

Just try not to be offensive

for the next 10 minutes.

When am I ever offensive?

- Fine.

- Here's the deal.

We're gonna walk in there.

You're gonna let me do all the talking.

You just nod your head...

give an occasional "It's a no-brainer"

here and there, all right?

Long story short, just don't f*** this up.

I'll be as smooth

as Barry White after a bikini wax.

Okay, send them in.

He's ready for you.

Okay, gentlemen.

Knock my f***in' socks off.

It's a no-brainer.

We need new talent.

We need to work

from the talent we already have...

and we need to find a way

to make this app relevant.

- I have a way to...

- We have a way to.

We have a way to do all three.

Explain.

- I signed French Montana.

- Who?

I ain't worried 'bout nothin'.

Ridin' round with that Nina.

Ridin' round with that AK.

It's his song. I'm just gonna be...

Well, that's fan-f***ing-tastic, Charlie.

How'd you do it?

I promised him a multi-million dollar

licensing deal with Mobilo Tech.

Elaborate.

First of all, this app doesn't suck.

You see, most smart phones

don't seamlessly block...

all of your unwanted calls or texts.

This app does.

It also blocks them

from your social media...

but that's not

the most revolutionary part.

Sir! Sir!

It uses retina recognition technology...

to determine your emotional state of mind.

So before you get to drunk dial,

it saves you.

I mean, it's kind of just like

the alcohol breathalyzer thing.

You know, you breathe into it

before you drive the car.

I... I don't have one.

Secondly, another one of my clients

is a big YouTube star.

Millions of followers.

We're gonna get him

to post an "organic" video...

about blocking an ex-girlfriend...

but then missing her.

Getting a little too drunk

and going to call her...

and then getting saved by the app.

Meanwhile, we'll have French Montana's...

I Ain't Worried About Nothin'

playin' in the background...

because he won't have to.

And now that we own the licensing to it...

that video is gonna be shared...

tens of millions of views.

Here's the bottom line.

Our YouTube star is gonna get

some big advertising dollars.

French Montana gets a big licensing fee.

Mobilo Tech's downloads? Through the roof.

And the best part is, Marty...

we get a piece of all the action.

It's a no-brainer.

Oh, uh, Kareem, go on without me.

Yeah, I'll see you downstairs.

Hello.

Hey.

A phone call.

No, I know. Everyone texts.

I like phone calls.

It's more personal.

Not that we're personal.

Well, it just so happens...

that I have an opening

in my schedule for lunch.

You know, that's such a coincidence.

I have an opening in my schedule

for lunch as well.

- Really?

- Really.

Have you ever been to Red O on Melrose?

No, but I'm sure I could find it.

See you there in 20 minutes?

Nineteen.

- That was great.

- Unbelievable.

Bye.

See you later.

I'm coming.

Hi, hello. How are you doing?

It's all yours. It's all yours.

- Yo, yo!

- Here we go.

- There he is.

- What's up, Vic?

You know, I'm good. How're you?

Good to see you.

Well, look who decided

to bless us with his presence.

Don't do that, all right?

You just sent the text five minutes ago.

Look, we had a date

scheduled with our DVR.

We want to watch six episodes of Power.

What's goin' on?

Oh, I'm sorry.

What was so important

you had to tell us in person?

- Do I have all your attention?

- We're here, yes.

Come on.

Well, you guys are now looking

at the senior editor...

of the Lifestyle section of NetNews.

It's me.

I did it!

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