The Phantom Tollbooth

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1

[BELL RINGING]

[HONKING]

[SIRENS]

[HONKING]

[VOICES]

[VOICES OVERLAPPING]

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S

SONNETS...

NOW, LET'S GET READY

FOR THE SPELLING BEE.

AFTER THE DISCOVERY

OF AMERICA BY COLUMBUS...

THE FIBONACCI SEQUENCE...

BE SURE TO CARRY

THE THREE.

YOU WEREN'T THINKING...

THE WEATHER WILL BE CLOUDY

WITH INTERMITTENT SHOWERS...

A 12-SIDED MATHEMATICAL...

E=MC SQUARED...

GIVE ME FIVE WORDS

THAT BEGIN WITH "J"...

DEOXYRIBONUCLEIC ACID...

JUDGE PRONOUNCED

HIM GUILTY...

BLABBER DOWN...

THE SUM OF THE SQUARES...

[BELL RINGS]

[VOICES FADING]

WHAT'S TO BECOME OF MILO?

WHAT WILL HE:

GROW UP TO BE:

WHEN HE LOOKS AT LIFE

AND HE DOESN'T SEE?

DOESN'T SEE

THE BRIGHT BLUE SKY

DOESN'T HEAR THE TRAIN GO BY

DOESN'T SING THE SONG

LITTLE FELLOW,

WHAT'S WRONG?

WHAT'S TO BECOME OF MILO?

LOST IN A VACANT STARE

DOESN'T HAVE A DREAM

DOESN'T EVEN CARE

HE'S A BOY

WHO MIGHT RISE HIGH

MAYBE EVEN TOUCH THE SKY

ALL THE WORLD COULD

BE HIS PIE:

IF HE'D ONLY TRY

MILO, OPEN YOUR EYES

LOOK AROUND YOU AND SEE

SEE HOW INTERESTING

LIFE CAN BE:

MILO, AIM FOR THE STARS

YOU COULD TOUCH THE SKY,

MILO:

YOU COULD TOUCH THE SKY

WHAT'S TO BECOME OF MILO?

LOST IN A VACANT STARE

DOESN'T LEARN IN SCHOOL

DOESN'T EVEN CARE

HE'S A BOY

WHO MIGHT RISE HIGH

MAYBE EVEN TOUCH THE SKY

ALL THE WORLD:

COULD BE HIS PIE

IF HE'D ONLY TRY

MILO, OPEN YOUR EYES

LOOK AROUND YOU AND SEE

SEE HOW INTERESTING

LIFE CAN BE:

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

MILO:

[RING]

[RING]

[RING]

[RING]

HELLO, RALPH.

HI, MILO.

ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING?

NAH...I'M NO DOING ANYTHING.

WHAT'S THERE TO DO?

NOTHING, I GUESS.

NOTHING IS FUN ANYMORE.

RIGHT.

EVERYTHING'S

A BIG WASTE OF TIME.

WHEN I'M IN SCHOOL,

ALL I WANT TO DO

IS BE OUT.

WHEN I'M NO IN SCHOOL,

I WANT TO BE:

SOMEPLACE ELSE.

IF ONLY SOMETHING

COULD HAPPEN SOMETIME.

YEAH.

WHAT'S THE USE

IN SUBTRACTING:

TURNIPS FROM TURNIPS

OR CARRYING A THREE

OR KNOWING HOW:

TO SPELL "FEBRUARY"?

FEB-RU-ARY.

YEAH.

EVERYTHING'S A DRAG.

AND WHO WANTS TO SIT AROUND

DOING HOMEWORK, ANYWAY?

EVERYTHING:

SEEMS SO IMPOSSIBLE.

EVERYBODY SAYS IT'S SUCH

A BIG, WONDERFUL WORLD.

HOW COME IT SEEMS SO...

SMALL AND KIND OF EMPTY?

THERE'S NO RHYME OR--

OR REASON TO ANY OF IT.

[THUD]

HEY, RALPH.

DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

HEAR SOMETHING?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

IT SOUNDED:

KIND OF LIKE A BUMP

OR LIKE SOMETHING

HEAVY DROPPING.

WELL...

I GUESS:

IT WASN'T ANYTHING.

NOTHING'S

EVER ANY--THING.

HEY, RALPH.

THERE'S SOMETHING

FUNNY IN MY BEDROOM.

SOMETHING FUNNY:

IN YOUR BEDROOM?

I'LL BE BACK

IN A MINUTE.

THAT'S FUNNY.

I DON'T THINK IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

[MILO READING CARD]

WELL, MILO,

YOU ARE NOW:

THE PROUD POSSESSOR

OF ONE GENUINE:

TURNPIKE TOLLBOOTH.

TURNPIKE TOLLBOOTH?

FOR USE BY THOSE

WHO HAVE NEVER TRAVELED

IN THE LAND BEYOND.

BEYOND?

BEYOND WHAT?

BEYOND YOUR WILDES IMAGINATION, OF COURSE.

YOUR GENUINE TOLLBOOTH KI CONTAINS ONE

GALVANIZED AUTOMOBILE.

[BEEP BEEP]

[SPROING]

ONE BOOK OF RULES

AND TRAFFIC REGULATIONS.

ONE MAP, UP-TO-DATE

AND CAREFULLY DRAWN

BY A MASTER CARTOGRAPHER.

AND PRECAUTIONARY SIGNS

TO BE USED IN:

A PRECAUTIONARY MANNER.

HAVE YOUR DESTINATION

IN MIND.

I DON'T THINK

I HAVE A DESTINATION.

RULE NUMBER 8A...

ALL TRAVELERS:

MUST HAVE A DESTINATION.

NO JOURNEY IS VALID

WITHOUT A DESTINATION.

FIND ONE ON YOUR MAP, MILO.

WELL? WELL?

"CASTLE IN THE AIR."

MIGHT AS WELL GO THERE

AS ANYWHERE.

CASTLE IN THE AIR.

THE CASTLE IN THE AIR,

BY WAY OF DICTIONOPOLIS,

DIGITOPOLIS,

AND ALL POINTS WEST.

DICTIONOPO--

DIGITOP--

HOW FAR IS IT?

MAYBE I DON'T WANT--

WELL, MILO,

MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

GOING OR STAYING?

WELL?

I DON'T KNOW IF...

ALL RIGHT.

GOING, I GUESS.

[DING]

RESULTS ARE NOT GUARANTEED.

BUT IF NO PERFECTLY SATISFIED,

YOUR WASTED TIME

WILL BE REFUNDED.

PLEASE HAVE:

YOUR FARE READY.

[DING]

HUH?

STOP!

MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

YOU'RE HOLDING UP TRAFFIC.

OH, WELL. IT LOOKS LIKE

A DULL AFTERNOON ANYWAY.

THIS IS CRAZY.

HERE I AM, RIDING ALONG

A ROAD I'VE NEVER SEEN,

GOING TO A PLACE

I'VE NEVER HEARD OF.

I WONDER WHERE I AM,

ANYWAY.

[DINGING]

"YOU ARE ON THE ROAD

TO DICTIONOPOLIS"?

"BEWARE OF OFFICER

SHORT SHRIFT"?

WHAT A FUNNY NAME.

[SIREN]

GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY,

GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY.

GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY,

GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY.

I'VE NEVER SEEN

ANYONE SO GUILTY.

SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN,

SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN.

SLOW DOWN OR I'LL ARRES THE LOT OF YOU.

HOW CAN I SLOW DOWN?

I'M NOT EVEN MOVING.

OH, IT'S YOU, IS IT?

MIGHT HAVE KNOWN

IT WOULD BE A BOY.

TALKING BACK:

TO AN OFFICER--

THAT'S A MISDEMEANOR.

WHERE WERE YOU:

ON THE NIGHT OF JULY 25th?

HMM?

JULY 25th?

WHAT'S THA GOT TO DO WITH IT?

DO WITH IT?

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

THAT'S WHAT IT'S

GOT TO DO WITH IT!

BOYS ARE ALWAYS FORGETTING

PEOPLE'S BIRTHDAYS.

WELL, I'M SORRY.

YOU HAVE COMMITTED

THE FOLLOWING CRIMES...

UNDERCEDING THE SPEED LIMIT,

A MISDEMEANOR.

BUT I WASN' EVEN MOVING.

WASN'T EVEN

MOVING, EH?

OVERSTRUCTING:

TRAFFIC, A FELONY.

LOOK, YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING.

NOT DOING ANYTHING...

I THINK YOU'LL ADMIT,

AT YOUR AGE,

THAT'S A CRIME.

NOW, THEN,

WOULD YOU LIKE A LONG

SENTENCE:

OR SHORT SENTENCE?

WELL...

I SUPPOSE A SHORT ONE...

IF I HAVE A CHOICE.

HOW ABOUT "I AM"?

IT'S THE SHORTES SENTENCE I KNOW.

IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU

TO GIVE ME:

SUCH A SHORT SENTENCE.

AND JUST WHEN WOULD YOU

LIKE TO GO TO PRISON

AND START SERVING IT?

S-S-SERVING?

WELL, I, UH...

I SUPPOSE:

I REALLY CAN' UNTIL I GET BACK

FROM DICTIONOPOLIS

AND THE CASTLE:

IN THE AIR.

[THUNDER]

THE WHAT IN THE WHAT?

WHY,

THE CASTLE IN THE AIR.

[THUNDER]

BOYS ARE GUILTY:

OF EVERYTHING.

GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY,

GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY.

"WELCOME TO EXPECTATIONS."

EXPECTATIONS?

BOY,

THEY SURE HAVE A WAY

OF NAMING PLACES

AROUND HERE.

"INFORMATION,

PREDICTIONS, AND ADVICE

CHEERFULLY OFFERED."

WELL, THAT'S ONE THING

I COULD CERTAINLY USE

IS A LITTLE INFORMATION.

"PARK HERE AND BLOW HORN."

ALL RIGHT.

[HONKING]

MY, MY, MY, MY, MY.

WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME

TO THE LAND OF EXPECTATIONS

AND TO THE LAND:

OF EXPECTATIONS.

WE DON'T GET MANY

TRAVELERS THESE DAYS.

WE CERTAINLY DON'T GE MANY TRAVELERS THESE DAYS.

NOW, WHAT CAN I DO

FOR YOU?

I'M THE WEATHER MAN.

HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?

I WONDER...

COULD YOU TELL ME

THE RIGHT ROAD TO...

A DICTIONOPOLIS...

OR SOMEPLACE?

DICTIONOPOLIS?

WELL, NOW. WELL, NOW.

WELL, NOW.

I DON'T KNOW OF ANYWRONGROAD

TO DICTIONOPOLIS.

SO IF THIS ROAD:

GOES TO DICTIONOPOLIS AT ALL,

IT MUST BE THE RIGHT ROAD,

DON'T YOU THINK?

AND IF IT DOESN'T,

IT MUST BE THE RIGHT ROAD

TO SOMEWHERE,

MUSTN'T IT?

BECAUSE THERE ARE NO

WRONG ROADS TO ANYWHERE.

DO YOU THINK:

IT WILL RAIN?

BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID

YOUWERE THE WEATHER MAN.

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO,

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I'M THEWHETHER MAN,

NOT THE WEATHER MAN.

FOR AFTER ALL, IT'S

MORE IMPORTANT TO KNOW

WHETHER THERE WILL BE

A CHANGE IN THE WEATHER

THAN WHAT THE WEATHER...

WILL BE...

DON'T YOU THINK?

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