The Physician Page #2

- I'll make a nice meal for the crows.

At least then this miserable life

of mine would be over.

Then the world would lose a

great barber.

You're not listening boy!

I can't even hold a pair of

tooth pliers.

I could hold them for you.

I've been watching you all these years.

You've also been watching the clouds.

Doesn't mean you can make it rain.

[Barber] I've seen ugly giants.

I've seen greedy dwarfs.

And just the other day I had to fight

a fire spitting dragon...

with me own two hands.

But nowhere, nowhere have I had

the pleasure of...

looking out upon a crowd of prettier girls.

This will stop your wife from bringing

more brats to the world.

- Mother have mercy on me.

- [Barber] Who wants to be healed?

Save me from soiling myself from fear.

Come into the house of wonders. Come in.

Put the lad on the table.

- Bone saw.

- Oh, bone saw.

- All toes gotta come off.

- All toes

He'll lose his leg.

Here. Put this in your mouth, lad.

Bite down.

Iron.

Iron.

- Iron!

- Talking about the iron!

Is it hot?

How many times has your apprentice

done this?

Thousands. Shut up!

Deep breath then go on. Swift movements.

Go on until your done with it.

Look, the holy Mary!

My first amputation.

Mine too.

- What's this potion called?

- Tears of the Holy Virgin.

Thought you've bought them

from a monk in Jerusalem.

He stopped praying a while back.

Keep stirring.

It has bitten.

Remember, boy. The more painful the treatment,

the more they respect the barber.

Next!

For the same pay, a mercenary has

to sell his soul.

And a farmer has to work himself

to the bone.

Thank the Lord for your profession.

Every bloody day.

Thank the Lord.

You look very healthy to me.

Rob! Rob, come here.

Shut up!

Rob!

I hereby christen Rob Cole a Barber.

You're an apprentice no more. You serve

no master but yourself.

Reward this barber, Venus.

Hey, hey, hey. I'm here, you blind old fob.

moaning ain't [...]

Hold your yap! I have eyes like a hawk.

Yes, a dead one.

Your master should see the Jew. The Jew

can heal the blind.

- No one can heal the blind.

- The Jew can.

He also raises the dead and makes

the lame walk on water.

You're talking about Jesus Christ our

savior. He ain't no bloody Jew.

Here, let me do it.

I need to practice.

These people mutilate their children.

They cut off their c*cks.

They'll gouge my eyes out.

So what? You can't be anymore blind.

How is it done?

My master keeps the secret to himself.

I'm a barber too.

A barber?!

Excellent.

My hair could do with a trim.

So, I make no promises.

The operation is a difficult one.

30 pennies in advance.

30 pennies!

That's highway robbery!

Never!

Please... do your best.

What's your name?

Rob.

- What's yours?

- I'm Benjamin. This is Jesse.

- Are you Christian, Rob?

- Yes.

- Is it true that you are not circumcised?

- Our God does not want us to do so.

[Reciting prayer in Hebrew]

Holy is the Lord,

king of the universe,

Who brings forth bread from the earth.

Once you've eaten the bread,

you can talk.

- Why don't you take off his bandage?

- Me?

A barber can unwind a bandage,

can he not?

Rob. Is it you?

Yeah, it's me.

Don't open your eyes yet.

You must remove the sweat.

Can you see?

Like a child.

He needs to rest now.

Oh bloody rot.

[Speaking in Hebrew]

What you've done to my master's eyes.

Where did you learn it?

In a place called Ispahan.

Ispahan

Is that beyond London?

Is that beyond London? Is he serious?

There.

What is it?

The World.

The World.

Look.

We are here. This is London.

And here - here is Ispahan.

The greatest physician the world has

ever seen teaches there.

Ibn Sina.

There is no one on earth that can match

him for knowledge and wisdom.

- Ibn...

- Ibn Sina.

Ibn Sina.

Can he... cure the side-sickness?

Ibn Sina can cure many illnesses.

- How long would it take me to get there?

- Over a year.

First you have to go the south coast

of England, then you cross the Channel...

then you walk through France

and take a sailboat along the coast of Africa.

Then you arrive in Egypt...

and here...

you will be killed.

Why?

From this point, the Muslim world begins.

Arabia, Persia.

But Christians have been banished

from everythere, only we Jews are tolerated.

My condolences. You worship the

wrong God.

I don't remember the world so beautiful.

I'll take the men, you take the women.

We'll share the earnings fair and square.

You take 1/3 and I'll take 2/3.

No, 2/5th's for you and 3/5th's for me.

Naaah, that's too complicated!

The Jew said, Ibn Sina can cure

leprosy, consumption and typhoid.

- For how much?

- I don't know...

but he's got this huge palace where

he treats his patients.

And they stay there until they're well.

How much is he charging?

And - he's got another palace called "Madrassa",

where he teaches his students.

- He's got two palaces?

- Yeah.

And I want to go there and study.

A barber with two palaces!

No! I want to become a hakim.

The Saracens, they call their healers "Hakims".

I don't care what they call them.

That Jew has been feeding you a story.

We should travel to the Orient.

- We?

- Yes.

- In the Orient?

- Yeah, and will come back as great healers.

Cure our patients much better.

Here's your share.

Rise and shine, Mister Hakim.

Rob?

Rob!

Rob!

Bloody hell! What are you doing?

I don't want to treat warts all my life.

I don't want to pull teeth and sell [...] horse

piss as a miracle tonic.

I want to learn how to cure the cataracts,

I want to learn how to cure the side-sickness

and all the other diseases.

You told me it couldn't be done,

but now you can see again!

There's so much that you know nothing about.

It's huge.

Yeah. That's Dover. The best place to

get a boat.

Now get off my wagon!

What are you waiting for? Go and drown.

Get eaten by sea creatures. What do I care.

Here.

Thank you.

Piss off, rat.

Piss off.

May the Lord have mercy upon me.

Bless me in my long and dangerous journey.

Let not the waves engulf me nor

sea monsters devour me.

Let not bandits slit my throat,

or wolves eat me alive.

Let me not starve or get lost in the

dark woods or cold mountains.

And please let Jesus forgive me.

That I shall deny my faith and

soil myself with sin.

To serve your creation and glory.

The caravan to Ispahan leaves in 4 days.

Before you go I'll bring you to my brother.

He has nice Jewish robes, [...].

He'll make a good price.

[Note:
He is circumcising himself so as

to appear Jewish]

Shalom.

Shalom.

How long to Ispahan?

- Two months.

- Just two months?

That's good enough, Jew.

Make sure these are filled with water by sunrise.

Stop reading and sleep.

You're wasting oil.

That girl is as obsessed with her book...

as an opium smoker is with his pipe.

You must give good money to bring

her to Persia.

More than enough. A wealthy man came

down to Earth.

Like this.

Close to the heart.

What is your name?

Jesse.

- Son of?

- Benjamin.

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