The Pick-up Artist Page #2

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- Don't bust my bones. Get in the car.

- Would you get in and give up the space?

- What?

- If you're gonna leave, leave now.

- Why?

- I've known Alonzo for three years...

I haven't taken care of you yet, wise guy.

Who do you think you're talking to?

- Forget it.

- He won't know your name tomorrow.

- Now move.

- Oh, yeah? Fat chance.

Get in the car.

- Not until she gets out.

- Don't come home.

You don't see anything

attractive about her, do you?

- Who?

- Carla, the girl Alonzo went off with.

Are you crazy? Next to you?

She's a pearl next to a swine.

I mean a swine next to a pearl.

You wouldn't go near

a creep like her, would you?

Not with a switchblade to my Adam's apple.

If Alonzo thinks I'll ever speak to him

again, he's crazier than people think he is.

- What's his name? Alonzo?

- Bet your bottom dollar on it.

- I don't gamble.

- I hope he doesn't see us here.

What are you talking about?

You saw the way I handled him.

Besides, you're in my house now,

and I am the master of my house.

Police! All right, get out of the car.

Come on. Hands over your heads.

- I can't believe this!

- Hands on the hood.

- Haven't you heard of the Fifth Amendment?

- First Amendment. For privacy, go to a motel.

- I'm broke.

- I suppose you're broke too?

- Not exactly.

- What do you mean?

Would you excuse me for just one second?

What does "not exactly" mean?

- I have a little cash.

- 20? 10?

- Only hundreds.

- How many?

- Six, but they're Alonzo's.

- In your purse?

- Do you want to spend the night in jail?

- No way.

Give me a hundred.

Do you have change of a hundred?

Thanks for helping out.

By the way, what happened to Lester?

- Gluckman? He retired last week.

- Send him my best.

You know what I really like about you?

You would never take a baseball bat

and break some poor guy's kneecaps

just cos he said a few words to me.

- Are you talking about Alonzo?

- Yeah.

Sometimes he'll follow me around all night in

his car, hoping he'll catch me with some guy.

- Would you mind if I dropped you off here?

- Not at all.

- How will we meet each other again?

- The same way we met tonight. Fate.

So, honey,

how much time are they giving me?

- I'm handling it, Dad.

- How?

Dad, I'm handling it.

You must have been out late last night.

I woke up several times and looked in

to say hello, but you weren't there.

I was out with friends.

What happened? Did anything go wrong?

- I mean, did you need my help?

- I was fine.

- That's it?

- I'm full.

- I'll have to get rid of half the insulin.

- Great.

- So eat the Fruitful Bran.

- No more room.

Grandma, two bites of toast,

three sips of orange juice?

That's not enough for a growing girl.

OK, now, brace yourself.

Now we get to play "let's find the digoxin".

- They were right there on the table.

- When was that?

Not long ago.

With medication you have to be precise.

One little mistake can do monstrous harm.

How'd you sleep?

So many dreams, Jackie.

Your mother in the convertible Plymouth,

looking younger than you do.

- And dinner with Fritz.

- Fritz?

He's from Vienna. You wouldn't know him.

- Are you all right, Jackie?

- Great.

You don't know a diabetic crazy enough

to eat a bunch of chocolate bars, do you?

No. No, that would be insane.

Here they are. Here, take your pill.

Look. Now, what are these?

Celia! Hi!

It's Jack Jericho.

How's tonight for you?

I was thinking we could take a drive,

take a walk. We can do whatever you want.

Hi. I'm back. No, that was the phone.

I'm in the shower.

I beg your pardon?

This is Jack Jericho -

the guy you liked on the street the other day.

I came up and told you you had the face

of a Botticelli and the body of a De... Hello?

Celia?

Celia?

Mr. Jericho, just the man I wanted to see.

- I'll have your rent on Friday.

- You said that last week.

Could I possibly squeeze by?

I'm running late.

I don't care. You're running late with me

and I'm gonna get tough - legal tough.

- The same thing happens every month.

- It's frustrating.

- For me.

- Me too. I hate being late.

That's what I'm telling you. Lateness is time,

time is money, money is life.

- Change your habits.

- I like your mind, George. Do you write?

Yeah, bills. It's for your own good I'm leaning

on you, so just remember money is life.

You're right. Absolutely right.

Wow, that's a phenomenal smile. Has anyone

ever said you look like a Picasso painting?

- Not exactly.

- Why? Are you an artist yourself?

No, but I have posed for artists.

- Really? Scintillating. What's your name?

- Mona.

Great name - like Henry Miller's girlfriend

in Tropic of Cancer.

In Paris in the '20s, everybody got off.

Two people would be walking,

they'd connect eyes,

then boom, they'd go berserk on each other.

That's two 50-to-one shots you're betting.

- How are you, Bruce?

- Healthier than those two horses.

I need long shots. I need a lot of money fast.

- Is Flash in trouble again?

- Like everybody else.

- What do you do?

- I'm studying to be a priest.

No sh*t! I was just reading an article about the

shortage of priests, especially female priests.

- It's gonna get a lot better.

- I hope so. Can I ask a personal question?

Before you take your vows, do you need to

cleanse your system of your fantasies and...

Go with them? Yeah. Yeah, I do.

I have a tremendous need for that.

Will you permit me

to make a bold suggestion?

I wish I could. That's my bus.

Mona! Does the convent

have a phone number?

Bless you.

How about I cook you dinner tonight?

- What time is the race?

- You don't know what you're missing.

- 3:
30.

- See you, Bruce.

Randy.

- Hey, Jack.

- Hi, Harry.

- Hold these for collateral.

- Yeah, go. Run, run.

This bud's for you. My name's Jack Jericho.

That rose goes magnificently with your

pale skin, dark eyes, pink lips and red hair.

Did anyone tell you you've the face

of a Botticelli and body of a Degas?

Yeah, my tenth-grade art teacher.

- You want to see something strange?

- Need you ask?

Holy sh*t! Is this an omen or is this an omen?

- It's weird.

- This whole thing is a mysterious omen.

- It's weird.

- May I ask you a question?

As long as it's personal.

- Great answer.

- What's the question?

I recognize the Botticelli, but what

are these books on gambling doing here?

For a friend.

May I ask you another question? What

do you think of a stranger giving you a rose?

With that opening,

there's nowhere to go but down.

Never underestimate

the power of strangers buying flowers.

- What's your name?

- Randy.

Great name. It's original for a female-looking

girl. May I ask you one last question?

What if this stranger were to say

something really outrageous like:

"You're the most lovely, exotic, erotic woman

I've ever met and I must make love to you"?

- What would you do?

- Depends where he said it.

- You wouldn't want to see if you liked him?

- I'd know after two seconds.

- Don't say that unless you're serious.

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